The Bet List
by StevieCass
Summary: Teen!AU - wing fic. Read the warnings. "That bet list was the worst thing you've ever come up with, Gabe. If it wasn't for it, I would never have thought about such things. It's bad enough being an earthbound angel, it's bad enough being considered a weirdo even by angel standards. Did I have to be gay as well? Do I even represent a minority or is it just me out there?"
1. Of Blue Eyes and Angel Genes

**Genre: **Teen!AU, romance, angst (at first), fluff

**Characters:** Dean and Sam Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel, Lucifer. Anna, Jo and other characters in minor roles

**Pairing: **Dean/Castiel

**Rating: **R

**Spoilers: **Castiel and Gabriel exist.

**Warnings: **Shameless wing kink, underage (17) sex, long prelude, possible trigger warnings for trans* folk (wing binding compared to chest binding). Possibility of oil gland!kink as it goes on. If it doesn't get it, this will be erased. =p Some will appear at once, some will take a while.

**Summary: **_"Oh my God. That bet list was the worst thing you've ever come up with, Gabe"._

"_Now, now, it's not the list's fault! I just have insight"._

"_If it wasn't for it, I would never have thought about such things. It's bad enough being an earthbound angel, it's bad enough being considered a weirdo even by angel standards. Did I have to be gay as well? I mean, do I even represent a minority or is it just me out there?"_

* * *

_**Chapter 1 – Of Blue Eyes and Angel Genes, and of an old House Fire**_

Every fairy tale starts with a "once upon a time", and this one doesn't beg to differ.

Well, once upon a time, the Human Race was young. They lived in caves and hunted animals for their skin and meat, blah blah blah, you know all that from your old textbooks. How the people went from that stage to the wonders of the ancient civilisations of America and the East and the Mediterranean, now, _that's_ the mystery.

Well, a mystery to most.

The truth is, the Gods created angels long before they created humans. The Angelic Race had been watching over the Earth for centuries, like an older sibling looking after the new baby.

There came a time when angels got tired of watching and asked for a chance to walk the Earth, and their wish was granted. They visited the Human Race and saw how it worked. Some approved and others were disappointed. Some decided to forget they'd have ever seen mankind and went back to their old lives in heaven; one condemned it and fell into darkness for his disobedience; some were interested in it and decided to take care of it, like the Gods wanted; and some others loved it so much they decided to stay.

You know all the stories you hear about winged people in your country's lore and mythology? No matter where you're from, there's at least one legend. And it's most probably at least partially true.

At first the angels stayed on Earth to take care of humans and share their experiences. They lived freely among the people, sharing their power and knowledge with everyone. They taught humans to write and create, they talked to them about the Gods; and civilisation was born.

Angels are by default immortal, but life on Earth makes them weak. So those first Angels, the tutors of humanity, walk this Earth no more. Their descendants, though, are spread all over the world, living in the shadows. Both their first purpose and extraordinary power are lost in time; some remember their ancestors' way of life, and they aim only to help mankind; others live human lives, careful not to draw too much attention to themselves.

In both cases, angels are hidden from human eyes. In a world where everything supernatural is denied the right to exist, either by disbelief or instant extermination, they usually prefer to stay low. It's easier for some than others; you see, having an angelic heritage and, therefore, possessing angelic Grace and powers is like, let's say, having an ancestor with blue eyes: it's something you wish or wish not for your children to have, but you can never be sure whether they will have it or not.

For example, Rachel and Daniel Warren both come from an angelic bloodline. Rachel does not possess any powers or characteristics that would ever classify her as an actual angel, even though she has an amount of grace inside her and she's sensitive to angelic activity. Her younger sister, Sarah, is exactly the same. Rachel's husband, Daniel, was born with a pair of white wings on his back and the only power he possesses is the ability to camouflage himself to look human: a basic, instinctive defence mechanism that earthbound angels have developed through the millennia. Both Rachel and Daniel are happy to live among humans and they never contact the majority of their relatives. Daniel is in the Navy and Rachel is a dentist. They wouldn't have it any other way.

The only relative Rachel actually has stayed in touch with is her sister. Sarah is a lawyer and married to a paediatrician named Nazael Novak, also of angelic heritage. Nazael has the ability to heal people by touch alone; he doesn't use it very often at work, but he slips a small touch every now and then. He also doesn't get sick. Ever.

Nazael and Sarah Novak lead the same kind of unnoticed, everyday human life the Warrens do, and they're very proud of it. They treat their angelic heritage like… yes, let's repeat the previous example: like having blue eyes. It's just something that they have, and they feel no need to take advantage of it. People don't need angels anymore, they say, they have penicillin to heal them and the TV to worship. Both the Novaks and the Warrens treat any proud member of their bloodline with mistrust; humans don't believe in magic tricks anymore, why should the remaining angels poke the people's superstitions with a stick?

In both the Novaks and the Warrens' not so humble opinion, angels are soon going to be extinct in order to make room for the superior species, the Homo sapiens. They would choose to fall, if their Grace was strong enough to be directly connected to Heaven and they _could_ actually fall. Sarah and Rachel have not talked to their older brother Luke since he discovered he was powerful enough to be linked with Heaven and he chose to take every advantage of it; they believe a 30-year-old man should be at least a little embarrassed to have two huge greyish wings attached to his shoulder blades (even their colour is unnatural; what kind of colour is _grey_?). They think Daniel is giving the best example: even Rachel has seen his wings only a couple of times ever since they got married. What reason is there to have them if you can't use them in public anyway? Of course, Luke doesn't have the same opinion, so he has chosen to become a computer engineer and move to a small town in Missouri whose name nobody even remembers; a town with a road leading to several cliffs, so he can fly around as much as he wants, a town where everyone knows each other so you must be pretty crazy to move there and have something unnatural in mind – something like turning yourself invisible and/or creating thunderstorms just because you can. Then again, Luke has always been kind of the black sheep in the family.

So that's pretty much the family of Rachel Warren, Sarah Novak and their husbands. Normal, everyday people, who make good money, meet respectable people, live in clean apartments and just happen to keep a big secret.

The point is, they really shouldn't be this surprised when Rachel's eldest, Michael, is born with a pair of golden wings on his back.

Luckily the kid has an instinctive good sense of defence mechanisms and he's able to mimic his father's camouflage abilities by the time he's 5 months old.

When Michael's brother, Gabriel is born three years later, Rachel starts to think Luke has been coming and spilling angel juice over her during her pregnancy. Gabriel is a kid who learns how to use his freakishly big tan wings faster than he learns how to smile, and that says a lot, considering the kid is grinning all the time, like he's keeping his own secrets. His parents actually start to get terrified when Gabriel's bottle starts materialising in his hands whenever he wants it – and they swear they've never bought him any lollipops, yet they often find the remains of one hidden underneath the sheets in his crib. Let alone the fact that he's the third person in their family with an unnatural wing colour – whatever happened to a normal, plain _white_?

Yeah, both couples have to acknowledge now that maybe, just maybe, being an angel isn't as simple as having blue eyes.

When Sarah gets pregnant, all she and her husband wish for during the next nine months is that at least their kid is normal-looking. When Castiel is born, they can't be more relieved. They got the blue eyes deal, alright; the boy's irises are like little pieces of ocean. He doesn't have wings, he doesn't miracle his bottle to his hands, and neither does he do any other weird tricks. Sarah and Nazael hope the bloodline ends with them, and that their kids can have the normal lives they couldn't.

The Warrens come and visit the Novaks as often as possible; they live in Kansas and it's quite a long way to drive to Nebraska, but at least the kids are already bonding.

While growing up, Michael doesn't develop any more angelic powers; he becomes a quiet kid who enjoys reading. His wings lose their strange colour and become a bright white by the time he's six. Gabriel, on the other hand, is out of control. He is probably the most terrifying troublemaker that ever visited his parents' worst nightmares. He takes pride and pleasure in his angelic nature; he does tricks that his parents have never heard of before, and his wings seem to grow darker instead of taking it the normal way and go white. He is extremely smart for his age and he keeps on pestering everyone. His parents are kind of reluctant to introduce him to his younger cousin at first, but when Gabriel finally meets Castiel, he seems to enjoy his company too much for his parents to ignore, and he finally finds other things to do than annoying the crap out of every grownup around him. He starts taking care of Castiel and he says he can't wait for him to grow up so they can actually play together. Castiel also seems to appreciate his cousin's presence; while he doesn't really react to Michael, when Gabriel's close he lightens up and laughs more than any other time.

Time passes and Sarah gets pregnant again. When she announces to Castiel that he's going to have a new little sibling at home, not only he doesn't get jealous, but he takes it as his personal cause to make his mum feel as good as possible and make sure the baby is comfortable inside her tummy.

Sarah is at the seventh month when she gets sick. Castiel is so scared that he doesn't sleep for two days and he keeps asking for Gabriel to do his magic and help his mum; of course, little Gabriel is not nearly as powerful to do anything like that. Castiel just keeps on believing, though. He's four years old at the time; his father is scared to death when he hears his son ask "What's the point of angels if we can't even help the people we love?"

That night, Nazael tells Castiel his aunt is going to come and take care of him, because he's taking Mum to the hospital. Castiel has a panic attack; he manages to escape his father, reach his mother's room and wrap himself tightly around her belly, promising he'll do anything he can to make her and the baby okay again. And then he cries his eyes out.

Till then, everyone believed that Castiel was the first of the bloodline to have no Grace at all. That night proves everyone wrong. Castiel's subtle, so far invisible little Grace explodes when he sees his mother helpless; a white light blinds everyone in a two-mile radius; the Grace of every angel in the state is neutralised for about a week; Castiel's little sister Anna is born two months early, and she looks like she's laughing instead of crying; Sarah is healed immediately.

And Castiel collapses in his mother's arms, with a small pair of almost featherless, fledgling wings sprouting from his back.

_**Somewhere else…**_

John Winchester would give anything to be able to make up his mind about this.

Stay in a half-damaged home full of memories of a wife and mother, and constantly feel the pity of your neighbours on your back, or move somewhere new, make a new start, and take away from your kids the one thing beside their father that they have left in this world?

In the end, he decides to fix the house and tolerate the sympathetic looks. Damn, he's not gonna teach his sons to run away.

It takes him two months to rebuild everything the fire destroyed; well, everything house-related. He can't bring his wife back. At least, he's got support; Bobby Singer comes to his aid every day after his work in the garage. Sometimes he brings with him that strange woman that moved here recently, Ellen Harvelle; she brings her baby daughter with her and John doesn't ask if there's a Mr Harvelle to take care of the kid; if she wants to leave something behind her, it's her business. Anyway, little Jo is the same age as Sam, and Dean seems to be able to handle two babies as good as he can handle just one. John is at least thankful that Sam isn't going to remember his mother's death, and that Dean found a purpose after it in his brother's face.

After the house is rebuilt, life goes on for the remaining Winchesters. It's harder and there's a Mary-shaped hole in it, but they have a proper home again, and now the family's bond is even stronger. John spends his days working at Bobby's garage and he makes sure to work overtime, so that his boys can have everything they want. Ellen takes care of the boys all day, until she needs to work her bar; John takes over at night, and he takes care of Ellen's daughter, Jo, more often than not. He starts studying the structure of old, rare cars and he plans on making a business out of it, maybe become Bobby's partner; his nights are usually beer and car books. Dean is sent back to the kindergarten and everything seems to fall back in place.

Tragedies happen, and then life goes on, because it can't do anything else.

_**Back to the angels' life**_

Even though Gabriel is openly excited about the reveal of his cousin's Grace, Castiel is afraid to show his own joy. His parents seem very unwilling to accept the new turn of events, especially after the terrible realisation that Castiel's Grace made its brief, loud appearance and then locked itself into oblivion again; the kid can't hide his wings to save his life. His uncle Daniel and his cousins spend hours over hours trying to teach him a body function as simple to angels as walking, but Castiel proves himself completely useless at that. Gabriel also tests his cousin's possible other abilities; still nothing.

Castiel might not understand exactly why he's supposed to be ashamed of his wings and hide them, but what he does understand is this: his life isn't going to be easy. His wings are not going to stay "chicken-sized" (his father's quote) for ever, and the larger they get, the harder it will be to hide them. He spends a couple of months at home, until his new, fragile bones become a little stronger and he grows his proper feather structure. His mother splits her time between new born Anna and Castiel; she tries to ignore the ash-coloured feathers that are shyly growing on her son's wings and remind her of Luke.

When Castiel's wings are in a better condition – not exactly _grown_, per se, because they still are ridiculously small, even for a kid his age, but when they're just strong enough to take the hardships – Sarah binds his wings to his back for the first time. It's uncomfortable and the strange shape that is formed on Castiel's back needs to be camouflaged under layers of clothing, but it works.

Castiel accepts the new situation very stoically for a four-year-old. He doesn't tell anyone except Gabriel, but the only thing that makes him handle this entire thing is the thought that at least, maybe one day he will have wings that are big and white and strong like Michael's. He can only hope for now. Being a keeper of a secret so much bigger than him, he ends up spending all his time away from people; he only cheers up when he takes care of baby Anna, or when Gabriel is at home. The rest of the time he spends at his room, usually reading books way above his age, or doodling. He's got talent, but his parents start to get worried about his complete lack of socialisation skills.

Soon, they realise that they have only one thing to do: move closer to Castiel's cousins, so that he can at least be happy more often. Plus, they're doing the Warrens a favour and giving Gabriel something to do in his free time.

It's a week before Castiel's fifth birthday when the Novaks move to Lawrence, Kansas. They have found a house that is quite small compared to their old place, but it's in a neighbourhood that looks good enough; also Castiel loved the bedroom in the attic and, since it was the first time he showed any emotion during all the house presentations, his parents decided they had to get it. Baby Anna gets a room of her own, too, or at least she will have it as soon as she's old enough to leave her parents' bedroom.

Castiel's birthday pass quite quietly. His aunt and uncle are there, and they bring him books. Michael has picked them and he tells Castiel the stories and their right order he's supposed to read them in. Gabriel just takes him aside after they cut the cake, and he gives him a present that he made himself: it's an old shirt of his, with two holes cut in the back; Gabriel calls them wing-sleeves. He used to wear it when he was Castiel's age, and it doesn't fit anymore, but he has kept it because he loves the bright blue colour of it; he says he decided to give him this one because it reminds him of Castiel's eyes. He makes him swear he'll keep it a secret and spends the rest of the day trying to make him feel as good as possible.

That same night, when the rest of the family is gone and his parents and sister are asleep, Castiel takes off the uncomfortable top of his jammies and wears Gabriel's present. To be sure, he wraps himself with his blanket so that nobody can see him from across the street. He moves close to the round window by his bed and takes one of the books he just got; the lamplight from the street is perfect for reading. Castiel sits close to the glass so that he can feel the cold of December through it and wishes it will snow in time for Christmas.

He sits there reading for about an hour, when he notices a flashing light from across the street. In the top floor of the house right opposite of theirs, there's a boy about Castiel's age with a flashlight sitting by the window. He's got light hair and his freckles are visible even through the distance. He waves at Castiel.

Castiel waves back and smiles.

The boy smiles back and turns suddenly, like he heard something behind him. He looks back at Castiel, waves goodbye, turns off the flashlight and runs from the window and back inside.

Castiel stays there, staring, for a long time. It's the first time he lays eyes on Dean Winchester.

And it's now when their clock starts ticking.


	2. And the Clock Keeps on Ticking

_(A/N: So sorry for the long prelude ^^; I had to get the mood right for the good stuff.)_

_**Chapter 2 – And the Clock Keeps on Ticking**_

_**12 years ago**_

_Castiel_

Castiel is really happy to find that his friendly neighbour is not only the same age as him, but in the same class in the kindergarten. They actually meet in Castiel's first day, when some kids are making fun of his unusual name; the freckled kid from across the street punches one of the other kids in the face and receives a full hour grounding, but it earns him a new friend. It turns out he's very defensive, but he can be quite pleasant when he lets someone approach him; his eyes are bright green and angry and his jean's knees are worn out; it's more than certain that he's got lots of scabs underneath. He says his name is Dean, he announces that Castiel is indeed a funny name, and when Castiel answers that Dean is also a funny name, because it sounds like a comic book church bell ringing, he only laughs and seems to decide the new kid he stood up for is worth it.

After that incident and since they live next to each other, it's pretty easy for the boys to start playing together. Castiel meets Dean's baby brother, Sammy, and that baby girl, Jo, who are both the same age as Anna. When Gabriel comes for a visit with his parents, Castiel makes sure he meets Dean; ever since they meet, Gabriel starts coming to his aunt and uncle's place even more often.

With Gabriel being the top troublemaker in the neighbourhood – in the _town_, some say – and with Dean being a natural one for mischief, Castiel has no alternative. He still spends a great amount of his time doodling and reading, but when Gabriel and Dean want to do something pretty evil, he never says no.

And so their little gang starts to get formed.

_**11 years ago**_

Castiel and Dean are in elementary school now, and the teachers are driven mad, because at least till now Gabriel Warren was just _one kid_; now, with his gang around, teaching has turned into a freaking nightmare.

Castiel is really glad to have friends, and he also knows his and Gabriel's company are good for Dean; he took his mother's death very hard, normally. It's nice that he has new people around him that he can trust. Castiel is disappointed that he's not allowed to show Dean his wings, though; not that he's proud of them, or anything; they're still about the size of his forearm, they're still a dull grey and the constant binding makes them stay in an irreversible messy state that pisses off everyone that ever tries to groom them. But Castiel would still like his best friend to know who he really is. He feels like Dean trusts him more than he actually should, and he hates keeping secrets.

It's that year that Castiel realises that he hates the summer more than anything and he doesn't want it to come ever again. It's the time of year when it's too hot to wear all those layers of clothes to hide the lump of his bound wings, so he just spends most of his time inside the house. Last summer, his parents decided to take him and Anna and go for a holiday somewhere cold, so they spent two months in Australia. Castiel was grateful to be able to walk outside again, but he was terribly homesick. He missed Gabriel and he missed Dean, and he sulked so much that his parents decided to do something different this year.

So in the summer before his seventh birthday, Castiel is sent to Uncle Luke's place in Missouri, along with his cousins. Uncle Luke had been asking for a chance to meet his nephews and niece for a long time now, but he wasn't allowed to, being the "black sheep" and all; at least not till now. This year, only Anna stays with her parents, being just two years old. Uncle Luke lives up a cliff, in a pretty wild place "made for dudes", as he says. He's got a huge dog and messy rooms and junk all over the place. His music is loud and exciting and reminds Castiel of Dean and his father. There's an old motorbike parked outside and the house smells like pine tree and fried food.

It's there where Castiel experiences freedom for the first time in his life. Him and Michael are both shocked that Uncle Luke walks around in his place half-naked, with his huge wings perfectly visible and folded casually on his back; they're dark grey and the tips touch his calves, and he doesn't seem to mind that they're messy as hell. He insists that the boys feel free and let out their own wings for a stretch. Gabriel doesn't need to be told twice; he takes off his shirt before Uncle Luke's sentence is finished, lets out his three-foot brown wings and flaps them a couple of times. Michael is reluctant; he hasn't been taught this way. In the end, though, he gives in and unfurls his just so adolescent white wings. They're large enough; he will soon be able to fly. It takes Castiel some time before he finally takes off his shirt, removes the ace bandages around his chest and back, and reveals his tiny, awkward wings; he doesn't like them and he's ashamed to show them, but they do need to stretch. Uncle Luke is really supportive; he finds the shade of Castiel's wings amusing, because it's more or less the same as his own. He reassures Castiel that he's still very young and his wings are soon going to grow on him. Castiel isn't sure that he believes him, but he's still happy to receive a supportive comment from someone who isn't Gabriel.

Generally, Uncle Luke does everything he can to make the boys feel at home; he shortens their names for his own convenience and at least two of the boys are sure they'll never use their birth names again; "Gabe" and "Cas" sound more fitting names for kids with an age consisting of only one digit. It's probably the one time in Castiel's life that even though he misses Dean, he's having such a good time that he wonders what his friend is doing only about once per day, and usually because he'd just love to tell him how awesome he's been.

When the boys come home, Castiel announces he'll be going to Uncle Luke's every year, and Gabe supports him to the fullest. Dean is the first to know about their awesome time; he supposes the freedom his friends are referring to has something to do with the habit of their Uncle to bake desserts when he's bored and his expectance to see them being consumed by nightfall, or the fact that his house is next to a forest full of weird plants and small animals. Dean never suspects anything weird; his friends are borderline_ rich_ – how can rich people be _weird_? Anyway, even though he missed them terribly, Dean is really happy for them.

And when the autumn comes, their routine goes on as if it never took a break.

_**10 years ago**_

Cas, Dean and Gabe are having the time of their life with the younger kids. They're three years old now, and they're becoming noisier as time goes by.

The boys usually spend their evenings at Dean's house. His father has started travelling because of his studies and obsession with rare cars; at least he's making good money out of it. That usually means an empty house where Cas can bring Anna to have fun with Sam and Jo, and where the gang can just plan their next adventure.

Gabe, though, has some plans of his own.

By the time of his tenth birthday, everyone in his family has started to wonder whether he's a lost archangel or something similar. He possesses powers that most angels can't even dream about. So he decides to use them for good.

One day that Cas is sulking at home because it's warm again and his wings are itchy from the binding, Gabriel comes over and tests whether he can expand his natural defence mechanism towards another body. Somehow, and to the surprise of both himself and Cas, he manages to make his cousin's wings disappear from sight.

Cas has never felt happier. He and Gabe announce to their parents that this is it, no more binding for Cas when Gabe's around. Cas finally finds some of his lost confidence, and he expresses it with spending as much time as possible with Dean and the rest of the kids, no longer worried; Gabe can only laugh along with him.

That summer, Bobby decides to make a present to Dean, Sam and Jo and he brings a rubber pool that he places on the Winchesters' lawn. Cas and Gabe delay their trip to Uncle Luke's for a whole month to stay and play at the pool. It's the first time the kids have seen this much of Cas' skin, and they're not the only ones; the sun shares the experience. Castiel leaves for his Uncle's place with sunburns all over his body.

He doesn't care. For once, he's happy.

_**9 years ago**_

Castiel's feelings of happiness don't last long, as he has started to feel a little bit disappointed with his life.

He's got some great friends, yes, and a cousin that's the best anyone could ever ask for. He's got so many worlds inside his books, and he's got them twice because he draws his favourite parts whenever he wants, bringing them to life. He's got parents that might be strict, but they care for him, and he's got a little sister who smiles whenever she sees him.

Yet, he can't help but feel jealous.

Anna is four years old now, and it seems she's got some kind of angel radar that makes her hear voices and pick up random feelings from her kin; she can turn it off and on whenever she feels like it.

Michael learnt how to fly some months ago. He's fourteen now and he seems to be turning into a great young man; everyone's sure he'll follow his bright parents' footsteps.

Gabriel is eleven and a pain in the ass. He's bright and creative, and his powers are crazy. He's got an eight-foot wingspan and his wings have started to shine under the sunlight. It seems like he's growing taller by the hour and he's the kid everyone wants in their gang.

Even Dean is turning out pretty awesome; he's eight and he's that one kid that messes up everything and yet is so witty and charming that can manipulate everyone. He's had to grow up too soon, because of his father's absence, but that kind of makes him more interesting.

And then there's Castiel.

Cas is… well, he's chubby. And pretty short for his age. His wings are still about the same size as they were when he was six, and they don't seem to want to grow any more than that. Castiel has never heard his parents talk about that, but he knows they believe he's never going to fly; what pisses him off more is that that they seem to think that's a good thing. He has started to get tired of depending on Gabe to hide his wings, and he's also started to get tired of binding. And on top of everything, he was just told he needs to get glasses. Apparently, reading two hours every night in the light of a street lamp isn't good for your eyes.

He sometimes can't help but wonder why Dean and Gabe still hang out with him; there are times when he feels like a complete loser. Not even summer at Uncle Luke's manages to take these feelings away.

The worst part of the whole thing: don't let anyone know.

_**8 years ago**_

Yeap, Cas is screwed.

When he realises this is the year Gabe goes off to middle school, Cas actually feels nauseous. He's back to binding 24/7. He's gotta get used to not having one of his favourites around; not having the only person he can actually talk to about _this_.

He starts the school year without many expectations.

For once, he's proven wrong. He and Dean have one hell of a year. With Gabriel Warren gone, the throne of the Number One troublemaker in the school is there for the strongest and fastest to claim, and Dean Winchester's one and only purpose is to sit on it. It's probably the one year that Castiel draws and reads the less, and gets the most detentions.

He regrets nothing. At least it takes his mind away.

_**7 years ago**_

While Castiel has the best relationships with Dean and Gabe, and while Anna, Sam and Jo are growing to be honourable members of their little gang, things at home aren't very well, neither for Cas nor Gabriel.

Gabe spends most of his time grounded. When he flies out the window to avoid it, his punishment becomes even worse. He misses terribly the time at Uncle Luke's. He believes this is what angels should live like, and his parents are not willing to forgive him for thinking like that.

Castiel agrees with him, but the only time he even starts a sentence that second-guesses his aunt and uncle's decisions about Gabriel's punishment in front of his parents, they just give him the most disappointed, angry look he has ever seen. He never brings up the subject again.

He does agree with Gabriel, though.

_**6 years ago**_

That summer at Uncle Luke's, both Castiel and Gabriel receive a secret suggestion: to come and live in Missouri with him. Gabriel thinks about it; Castiel persuades himself that he_ isn't _thinkingabout it. He's got too many things keeping him home. Uncle Luke doesn't put any pressure on them; he just leaves the suggestion hanging. They're free to do as they please. When they get home, they both pretend Uncle Luke never said anything and they don't bring it up again; they just go on with their usual, beloved routine.

Anna, Sam and Jo are now officially gang members. They make evil plans that the boys wouldn't think of in their craziest dreams. Anna is innocent-looking and has a damn amazing insight that gives her the ability of shamelessly manipulating people for her benefit. Sam has idolised Cas, for some reason, and he keeps on reading and drawing; yet, he _is_ Dean's brother. One punch from the kid can send you to the next world. Finally, Jo is their pride and joy. She's the girl that is constantly made fun of at school for being a tomboy. All three boys who ever make fun of her go back to their mums with bruises. All three ask her to be their girlfriend the next day, every single time; only to go back to their mums with more bruises. Castiel can't really be more proud of them.

Well, actually he can. The feelings he holds for Dean Winchester are something entirely above everything else, more than pride, more than friendship. For Cas, Dean is even more than family, even if they seem like they are each other's exact opposite.

To everyone's disappointment and against everyone's expectations for what you should expect from an angel, Cas' genes still don't seem to have noticed his noble heritage. The condition of his short, lazily growing, messy wings is reflected on his entire body; he's still the nerdy kid with the glasses and the uncombed hair. The bound wings on his back just add to his volume and strange posture; most people assume he's hunching from all the reading and drawing, which is only partially true. He's got a small scar between his eyebrows from that time Dean threw a basketball on his face and his glasses became one with his face. In general, he just doesn't understand why his parents are actually _happy_ for him not having many proper angel genes; he has started to accept that he's the angel family's ugly duckling, and he guesses he'll soon have to make himself comfortable with the idea.

Dean, on the other hand, has become a young boy who is exactly the type of person that the rest of the boys want to hang out with and the girls want to either slap or kiss. He doesn't pay much attention to anything else but his own gang, though. He's gotten into trouble several times for his friends, especially Cas. There are many people who claim that Dean only hangs out with Cas because he needs someone to do his homework for him; and while Cas does indeed help Dean as much as he can, every person who has ever suggested that or anything similar straight to Dean's face has received a punch in the stomach, or a kick in the balls, or, in one case, a basketball in the face ("Cas can be so stupid when his self-esteem hits rock bottom", he said to Sam afterwards).

The point is, Castiel is grateful to have such an amazing friend, and he doesn't understand what he has ever done to deserve him. Lately, he's been feeling more and more that their entire relationship is built on a lie. He's getting sick and tired of having to be careful all the time around Dean just in case something slips his mouth – or his shirt, for that matter; he's tired of binding his wings or waiting for Gabriel every time he wants to go across the street and hang out; he's tired of being lesser than everyone in their group. Everyone is honest with each other, and the only other person who keeps a secret, Gabe, well, at least he's got something good to hide.

One day Cas can't take it anymore and he decides to bring the subject to his parents; he trusts Dean, he knows he's going to keep a secret; he knows that sharing his true self can only be good for him. Before he reaches the living room, though, where his parents are sitting, he overhears them.

Apparently, his mother talked to that third cousin of hers today, that surgeon she was talking to his dad about the other day, and he agreed to see Cas and see if _it_ is actually possible. The kid is never going to fly anyway and he's completely incapable of protecting himself, they might already amputate his wings and let him go on with his life like a normal person. They should just see how they'll bring it to him, poor boy, he's so fragile sometimes, but he's sensible, he'll see this is the only solution.

Cas runs back to his room as fast as possible and he numbly sits there for the next 24 hours, skipping school _and_ the daily window-talk with Dean for the first time ever. He doesn't even talk to Anna; she's still too young to be troubled with her brother's problems.

That night, when Gabriel comes for a visit to escape his parents, Castiel explodes and tells him everything: that his parents are planning to have his wings cut off, that he's tired of all this, that he wants to tell Dean everything, Sam and Jo too, when they're a little older, that he hates himself so much that he can't take it anymore, he's nothing but a liar. Maybe he should let his parents chop his wings off; they've only caused him trouble so far.

Gabriel doesn't freak out. He helps his little cousin unbind his wings and unfurls his own, and calms Cas down by grooming his small, messy wings for the first time. He makes sure he fills his reassuring speech with several sarcastic comments and jokes, because come on, he's _Gabriel._ In the end, he bets that since it was a big shock that caused Cas' Grace to appear in the first place, maybe he needs another shock to let out the rest of it, and he offers to electrocute him if nothing else works. Slowly, with a lot of work, a smile settles on Cas' face. The bets for the future become a game, and in the end they decide to bet 5 bucks for every single bet and get rich off each other when Cas is seventeen and everything they've bet on has been proved wrong or right. Gabe writes everything down in a notebook, just so they don't forget. Finally, he reminds Cas they still have that offer from Uncle Luke, and if they both can't take it anymore, maybe they should honour it.

That is Cas' final, desperate solution, though. He decides to finally do something about his condition. He puts on one of his father's huge sweaters that can hide his little wings without binding, goes out and knocks at Dean Winchester's door quickly, before he changes his mind. He owes his friend the truth; he can't hide who he is any longer.

Sammy opens the door and greets Cas enthusiastically. He leads him to Dean, who is worried as hell for his friend missing on everything that day, and how could he miss that particular day, it was awesome, so many things happened, and is Cas okay, because he's freaking him out a little.

Cas reassures him everything is fine and lets him go first, wondering what's so awesome, and actually rehearsing his angel speech in his head.

He doesn't have time to think about it properly, though, because Dean has great news.

He kissed a girl today.

It was that one from the other class, Meg, the one with the black hair and the constant smirk. It was so awesome, Dean thinks she liked it, and what does Cas think about it, are they dating now?

Castiel stays silent during the entire small speech of Dean's, just nodding. He has no idea why he has that weird feeling that makes him sad and angry and causes his heart to race and his stomach to flatten against his spine; he realises he never liked Meg, she's a horrible person, and Dean could do so much better than that.

He fakes a smile (damn, what's wrong with him? He's supposed to be happy for his friend!) and congratulates Dean. He guesses him and Meg are probably dating, even though… well, aren't they too young to be dating? But still, nobody stops them. Especially not Cas.

And then Dean remembers Cas had also tried to tell him something.

Cas takes a deep breath and the truth he didn't even know comes out of his mouth.

"I'm leaving".

Dean just stares at him. "Okay. I know. You leave every year to go to your uncle. Why is that big news?"

"No, what I mean is that I'm actually leaving. Gabe too".

"Yeah, _you leave every summer_".

"I mean for good".

Dean stays silent for a moment. "What?"

"We can't take it anymore, Dean. Our parents are disappointed at both of us, they'll be better without us. Uncle Luke told us to go and stay with him. We're gonna take the offer".

"Are you kidding me?"

"Why would I do that?"

"You can't be serious!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's not just your parents that are here! What about me? And Anna? Are you going to leave Anna behind, too?"

"Dean, I have to".

"No, you don't! You could come and stay here if you wanted to get away so badly. You know you'd be welcome, you know my dad and Bobby and Ellen would be fine with it. Sam would die of happiness. You could live here for a while".

"Dean, don't you get it? I can't! There are many things that make my life miserable and I can deal with them at my Uncle's place. I'd like you to be the one to help me, but you can't. You wouldn't understand".

"Oh, is that so?" Dean's voice is entirely made of sarcasm and Cas blushes, realising his wrong choice of words.

"I didn't mean it that way", he says. "All I meant is –"

"I know what you meant", snaps Dean. "Well, maybe you _should_ go to your Uncle. Have a good time without us. Maybe that's what you should have been doing from the beginning".

"Why are you so mad? It's not like I'm leaving for ever. I just need to do this".

"No, no, I get it. You just trust your Uncle to help you with your problems, that's alright. I just don't get why you can't trust your friends with your problems so you don't have to move a state away!"

"I do trust you!"

"You're not showing it! That's not what friends do!"

"Well, you won't need any friends anyway, now that you have a girlfriend, will you?"

"What? She's not even my girlfriend!"

"I think she is".

"Even so, why are you mad? You should be happy for me!"

"Then you should be happy for me too! It's not easy for me to leave everything and everyone behind!"

"You'll have Gabe!"

"And you'll have _everything else_! What difference does it make if I'm not around?"

Dean stays silent for a moment and all the boys can hear is their angry breathing. Deep down, they both know they're wrong, but they cling on desperately to their small amount of rightness.

Cas looks away. "I should go".

"Yeah, you probably should".

Castiel leaves. It's the last time he talks to Dean for a long time.

Both boys spend the night alone in their rooms, giving explanations to no-one.

The next evening, Uncle Luke shows up in a rent car and takes Cas and Gabe away for the summer. They don't come back. Neither Uncle Luke or Gabe ask Castiel why he decided to come along. The Novaks try to get their son back a couple of times, but in the end they give up and accept he might be happier there. The Warrens are even kind of relieved that their boy can be happy somewhere else that isn't the streets.

Besides, angel parenting is not the same as human parenting. Both Cas and Gabe have the right to go.

And Uncle Luke might be the black sheep of the family, but he does care for the boys.

Anna keeps Cas' cell phone under her pillow. She's the only one who texts him at Gabe's phone every now and then.

And life goes on, with friend-shaped holes in both sides.


	3. Highway to Hell

_**Chapter 3 – Highway to Hell**_

_**Six years in a nutshell**_

_Dean_

It's not like Dean hasn't got chances to make new friends over the years. He's one hell of a guy. He just misses the old gang too much to get involved in a new one.

In fact, the old gang kind of still exists. Dean's just not used to being the eldest, let alone the chief. That was always Gabe's job. Sammy, Jo and Anna are quite good company, though, even if they are more of a group of their own after Gabe and Cas left.

Dean goes on with his life more or less the same way he went on when his mother died. It's tough, but he needs to be strong. For some reason, he feels like he's lost Cas and Gabe for good. And he misses Cas the most. Gabriel might have been the Alpha in the pack, but Betas tend to care more about each other. And let's face it; Cas had always been Dean's best friend.

What Dean hates the most about the way they parted is… well, this. The way it went.

Dean had always felt a little inferior than his friends. He was a member of a broken family, with a father that barely showed how much he cared about his sons; Dean and Sam practically grew up in Bobby and Ellen's care. Cas and Gabe had overprotective parents who didn't leave them alone for a second – Dean would kill to feel like that for once. They were both smart, and while Gabriel made sure he radiated awesomeness, Cas had a quieter glow that was all loyalty, and talent, and a secret sense of humor and understanding that very few people had seen; Dean had once considered himself lucky to be one of them.

When Meg had kissed Dean (well, as much as an eleven-year-old could kiss another), it was a big deal. He never got why people wanted to hang out with him instead of focusing on the awesomeness that was Cas or Gabe, so Meg's attraction to him was really something, so he was surprised when the news left Cas untouched. At the time, Dean felt like all his feelings of inferiority were suddenly being confirmed. Castiel was the smart one; he could probably see right away the insignificance of the subject. And then he threw the news of his departure straight to Dean's face; and he was taking Gabe with him. Two of Dean's friends lost at the same day. With a mother long dead, a younger brother who had people of his own age to hang out and play with, and with a father who came home whenever he happened to remember, Dean's world fell apart that evening.

He still regrets never trying to make up with Cas before he left. He could have thrown something at his window to draw his attention. He could have knocked at his door. He could have called him, or shouted his name from the lawn, or just contact Gabe, in the worst case. He did nothing, though. And now Castiel's window hasn't opened for six years and Dean doubts his friend could even fit in that small attic anymore. He knows from Anna that Cas' room has stayed as it was, just in case he ever decides to come back. He has tried finding Cas on Facebook, but he doesn't seem to be in there. And to be honest, what would he do if he ever found him? Apologise, after all this time? Hope to be friends with him again? Shout at him for leaving like that and hope for a good retaliation? Casually ask him how he was doing?

No, maybe he should finally accept that some things belong to the past.

When he's fifteen, Dean starts noticing the new girl, Lisa. She has become one of the cool kids within a week of her arrival, and she seems quite interested in one of the bad boys.

Dean gets his first proper girlfriend and he starts spending time with the cool guys. They're not that bad. He still spends two days per week with Sam, Jo and Anna, though. Old habits die hard.

* * *

_Anna_

Anna wasn't shocked when she found out her brother and cousin weren't coming back. Her angel insight was far too powerful for that. That didn't mean she wasn't sad when she saw them leaving.

For the first couple of years, she kept texting Cas every Thursday. It was a little ritual of theirs. She came back from school and patiently waited two hours until Castiel was also done with everything and could devote his time to texting her. She was glad that he and Gabe were doing great over there and she kept asking about everything. After a while, though, as life usually has it, their texting became less frequent, and it eventually almost stopped. They kept texting each other in birthdays and holidays and every now and then, but that was more or less it. Their parents had decided they didn't want anything to do with their son until he was ready to come back; if he had chosen his privacy, they had to respect it, like their parents had done with them.

Many people in town who heard rumours about this had thought them cold and inhuman, but, well, they were kind of right. The Novaks were good actors, who believed in their roles, but they definitely weren't human; and, like we've mentioned again, the angel ways of parenting are beyond human understanding. If Castiel wanted to leave, all his parents had to do was make sure he'd be safe. If he had chosen another path, well, they couldn't stop him, no matter their disapproval. They hope he'll change his mind and come back, but they wouldn't ever try to force him. There were some choices the young angel had to make on his own.

Sometimes, Anna still sneaks into her brother's room. Most of his clothes and stuff are still in place. It makes her kind of sad, like his departure is terminal. He wants to keep his distance and they all respect that, but she wouldn't mind seeing him every now and then. She sometimes searches through his old stuff; she's taken to her room a couple of things that remind her of him: a small blue tin car, a sketchbook with his drawings of the Lord of the Rings characters, a koala plushie he'd brought back from Australia, stuff like that. She's also kept that old blue shirt Gabriel had brought him when he was a kid. It fitted for just a little while, but he'd kept it anyway. It was probably the best gift anyone had given him.

Once, when her parents are out, Anna sneaks into Cas' room again. She goes through his sketchbooks, and finds an old notebook with Gabriel's handwriting on it. She opens it and finds a list:

**THE ULTIMATE BET LIST by the Mighty Gabriel and his faithful minion, Cassie**

_"Castiel", who's nobody's minion, thanks very much_

**~ Gabe bets that he's gonna be taller than Cas when we grow up**

**~ Gabe also bets that Cas is gonna be hotter than him, but he's still not gonna get as many dates**

_- yeah, right… well, Cas bets that Gabe is gonna be this annoying when he grows up._

**~ I'm ignoring the previous because I can't bet against something I agree with. And Gabe bets that Cas is going to get some awesome powers before his sweet 16**

_- Cas says "ha ha" and bets that his wings are going to wither and fall off by themselves by the time he's 15._

**~ Oh yeah, Grumpy Face? Then Gabe bets that Cas's wings are gonna get bigger and that Cas is gonna learn how to fly before he learns how to have sex**

**~Oh, and also that Cas is still gonna be a virgin by the time he's 17**

_- (ew, Gabe, I'm 11) and I bet that you're not gonna be a virgin by the time you're 15._

**~ (you're not gonna be 11 forever, son) and hell yeah I'm gonna have sex in the next year, I agree with that bet too**

_- I didn't say it as a good thing…_

_- And I'm also betting that you're gonna get a second pair of wings because your powers have seriously started to freak me out._

**~ (Come on, that hasn't happened for like a million years. But how awesome would that be?) Oh and Gabe bets Cas' wings are indeed gonna turn plain white instead of the awesome brown of Gabe's, and that they're gonna get bigger than Gabe's, because Gabe doesn't care who's bigger now that he's got a second pair ;)**

_- (that's two bets, and stop referring to yourself in the third person, you freak!) …and I bet you're gonna have sex first, but get a girlfriend much later._

**~ ooh naughty me :D**

_- that's not a bet._

**~ does your bet count if I get a boyfriend?**

**~ You haven't written anything in a while, kiddo.**

_- I don't think you can get a boyfriend, Gabe._

**~ why not?**

_- Because that's not right!_

**~ is that what my aunt and uncle told you? Oh, Cassie-boy, you'll be surprised. In fact, I'm betting that you'll get a boyfriend before you get a girlfriend, because you just look like it. And I'm betting the same for myself ;) ;) ;)**

_- ew._

The list doesn't end there, but after that it becomes very random. Anna decides to bring it back to her room, just to keep herself entertained at nights. She reads the rest of it that night when she goes to sleep.

As she drifts off, she wonders how many of those bets are proved right.

* * *

_**Now – Lawrence, Kansas**_

_Dean_

Damn it all.

Dean slams his bedroom door and throws himself on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow. Screw everything. Screw Lisa, her "cool" friends, the football team that kicked him out because of his bad grades, his father who hasn't shown up for like three months, even his brother who seems to spend all his time with Jo the past few weeks.

Most of all screw his own stupid mind for making him think about… _stuff_.

Sighing, Dean rolls over and covers his eyes with his arm, the arch of his elbow right over his nose. He reaches blindly for the stereo remote and points vaguely to the right direction, until the walls start rumbling with the sounds of Led Zeppelin. He needs to get up, get a shower and probably study. Basically, _take a shower_.

He feels his heart racing in rage and he turns up the volume. There's a thumping on the wall.

"_Dean, keep it down! We're trying to study here!"_

Dean groans at the muffled sound of Sam's voice and he brings the music down to its previous volumes. He feels a little worried about Sam; what if those football bastards decide to start picking on him because of Dean's stupidity? He doesn't care about his brother finding out about what happened; he just doesn't want him to be bullied.

No, that wouldn't happen. It wasn't that big a deal.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Dean._

He rolls over and faces the wall angrily, finding comfort in the poster of Scarlett Johansson. What's wrong with those guys? Yes, they were all together in a locker room, which is by default an awkward place to be, and Andy's towel had dropped, and Dean's eyes couldn't stop themselves from… _seeing._ Of course, he didn't need to keep his eyes fixed on his teammate's… _you know._ Which he realised after a couple of seconds, and his eyes focused on Andy's abs instead. Damn, the guy didn't look like it with clothes on, but he looked _good_.

And then the whistle happened. _"Hey, Winchester! Gay enough?"_

"_Man, your girlfriend's gonna get jealous!"_

"_I think he's gonna be her girlfriend soon, if he's also a lesbian, hahahaha!"_

The worst part is that he could have found a witty comment any time. Well, any other time. This time… for fuck's sake, he _blushed;_ causing, of course, even more teasing.

Lisa was told about this by the rest of the guys. She laughed, using that laughter Dean knew meant "I know laughing is the only way you jerks won't tease _me _as well, so I'm going to skip your stupidity, but I'm so not amused". "The talk" didn't follow. She just spent the rest of the day sulking and avoiding him, which was totally not like her.

She didn't even come to see him when the coach told him he was to leave the team until his grades went up. Everyone was whispering about it, yet she didn't come.

Well, he wouldn't bother. He just came home.

Who is he kidding? He hates to admit it and he's kind of embarrassed by it, but his grades have been just average ever since Cas left. He can't concentrate alone, neither can he do it with anyone else helping him. He doesn't understand anyone else's way. Cas used to draw for him what he didn't get, and explain everything again and again. Nobody else has his patience. How is Dean ever going to get back to the football team?

Plus he's not even sure he wants to. It's a good way of exercising and expressing his energy, but he's up to here with these douchebags. And he's not even allowed to complain because they're his girlfriend's pals.

He just sighs and _doesn't think_ about what made him stare at Andy's nakedness in the locker room. He doesn't.

He closes his eyes and ignores reality.

Seriously, screw everything.

* * *

_**Somewhere between Missouri and Kansas**_

_Gabriel_

Gabe does his best not to get distracted by Cas' mood. Seriously, having an overly nervous cousin riding shotgun while you're crossing states in Uncle Luke's beloved car isn't what you'd call the perfect birthday.

Gabe turns on the radio just to break the sounds of Castiel shifting in his seat and biting his nails.

"_I'm on the hiiiiiiiiighway to Hell, hiiiiighway to Hell"_

"Please turn that off, Gabe". Castiel's voice is even gruffier than usual, his discomfort almost solid. Gabriel pouts and turns the volume down.

"Now what have AC/DC ever done to you?"

"I _know_ I'm on the highway to Hell, I don't need them to remind me", says Cas, while looking out the window and clenching and unclenching his fists.

Gabe snorts. "You're such a drama queen, Cassie".

"_I'm_ a drama queen?" Cas exclaims. "You hate that place more than I do. I have no idea how you managed to talk me into this".

"Hey, hey, you said you wanted to come!"

"The only reason I wanted to come is because it's your birthday and you said this is how you want to spend it!"

"So don't ruin it for me!"

"I have no idea why you wanted to have a road trip to Lawrence, anyway".

Gabriel sighs. "Cas, we've already talked about this. You agreed to do whatever I wanted to today. Well, I wanted us to go back to Lawrence, so you don't get to disagree".

Castiel exhales slowly, and Gabe knows his cousin's counting to ten. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't get why you'd ever want to go back", he finally says.

"Well, lots of reasons", answers Gabe. "I've missed the old place, for once".

Cas narrows his eyes. "You've what?"

Gabe shrugs innocently. "What? I've missed it. It was a nice place. Cool people".

"Gabe, you hate your parents more than Hitler. Why would you ever want to go back?"

Gabriel just sighs again. "Who gives a fuck about my parents, Cas? You act as if we've got nobody else waiting for us back there".

Castiel shifts in his place and doesn't look at Gabriel. "I didn't say that".

"Don't tell me that you haven't missed Anna", Gabriel continues. "Hell, you were the definition of the ridiculous big bro around her! We're going back for her, and for Dean, and Sam, and Jo. Plus _your_ parents are pretty cool, I guess they'll be happy to see you if you decide to go see them".

Castiel seems to think about it, and Gabe is feeling a little relieved. Not that he has enough conscience to actually feel bad for dragging Cas with him all the way to Lawrence, while the younger boy is clearly uncomfortable with it so far, but he'd hate it if Cas ended up actually not having fun. He's definitely planning to help his cousin find the silver lining.

"Cheer up, kiddo", Gabriel insists with a disarming smile. "I promise we'll have a good time".

"You don't even know if they'll be there, it's the middle of the summer", says Cas, but Gabe knows his cousin too well to be fooled; Cas is just too stubborn to admit that he's starting to like the idea. "I guess my parents will have taken Anna and gone to Hawaii or something".

"We'll never find out if we don't go", Gabe responds.

"We could always call first", Cas insists, not losing a beat.

"But it wouldn't be a surprise then", Gabe answers and winks. Castiel just sighs.

"I guess there is no way to change your mind", he finally says, accepting his fate.

"Hells yeah", says Gabriel, grinning. "Oh, come on, Cassie-boy, we're gonna have fun! In the worst case scenario, we'll just have a fight with our folks and end up eating cake in some random pastry shop, bachelor style".

Cas cracks a half-smile, in that particular way that Gabe recognises as the "I'm trying to look serious and I can assure you that the stick is still up my ass, but hell yeah I'm with you, only I'm never going to show it". He can't help but widen his smile.

"See? Everything's gonna be okay", he insists, just in case. "We had a good time back there. Remember the good times back there?"

Cas still looks out the window, but Gabe can practically feel his cousin's smile in the air. "Sure I do", says Cas. "It was the best time of my life. Sure, that kind of life had its bad moments, but still… I wish it had lasted more".

Gabriel glances at Castiel, startled. He wasn't aiming at a feelings talk; the best he thought he could achieve was a smile. In fact, he doesn't remember Castiel ever bringing up the old times.

Gabriel suddenly realises that he never asked Castiel why he decided to come with him six years ago. Gabe was having a really bad time at his parents' house. He was tired of having to suppress himself and his powers just to fit in his parents' close minds. He was tired of the everyday fights with his brother and the support Michael was getting. He was tired of feeling like a weirdo at school – or, to put it in a better way, he was tired of being treated like vermin because he was a weirdo. Besides his gang, he didn't have any actual friends, and he was tired of having to wait three years every time until some of his friends came to the same school.

Yet Castiel… he had no excuse. Yes, his parents were also too uptight, and the constant wing-binding they were forcing on him was indeed too much to bear on a daily basis. But still… Cas was always very close to his sister Anna, and his parents, strict and close-minded as they were, did indeed care for him in their way. Plus there was always Dean. Cas had a best friend that counted for three, and he was closer to the age group of Sam and Jo than Gabe. And now he was admitting that he was indeed having a good time back then. So what was it?

Gabe decides it's not the best time to ask. He'll interrogate his cousin soon enough. Besides, they've got nothing planned to do for the next days.

"Oh, shit", he murmurs, as a thought suddenly comes to his mind. Castiel looks at him.

"What is it?"

"I had a date tonight", Gabriel says, in the tone of a person who's commenting on the sudden appearance of a mole on his skin. "Huh".

Castiel leans his head back on the seat and sighs. "Max?"

"No, Nancy".

"Who's Nancy?"

"Max's sister".

"What?"

"Or was she his ex? Dunno".

"You're disgusting".

"Yeah, I know. But at least I'm getting laid".

"No, you're not, unless you're planning to go back tonight. And it suits you well. You shouldn't mess around with people like this". Castiel has that judging tone again, and Gabe isn't going to have that on his birthday.

"Come on, they're both cool with it", he defends himself. "You know I would never do that to a person who wasn't as slutty as me. It's called proper communication".

"Whatever makes you feel good", says Castiel. Gabe recognises his expression as a sign for a fake-fighting.

"I won't have this shit from a prudish twink who's never seen another person's underwear unless they were in the same laundry as his own", responds Gabriel casually. Is it just him or did Cas actually blush? Oh, this is priceless.

"Are you blushing, Cassie?"

"No".

"Nothing to be ashamed of in being a 17-year-old virgin".

"I'm not seventeen yet", Castiel protests and then he decides to go on. "Besides, I haven't found the—"

"…the right girl yet", Gabe interrupts him. "I know. Have you ever thought about starting to look for the right guy?"

"No".

"Because you'd make one hell of a gay dude".

"Gabriel, sometimes I really can't believe that you're an angel".

"I'll take that as a compliment", says Gabe and grins. "Anyway, what I'm saying is, you should open your eyes a little. Go out, meet new people. Get laid. It's nice".

"I think I'll pass", says Castiel and keeps looking out the window as if the trees are the most interesting thing in the world.

Gabriel shrugs. "Okie-dokie. Works for me. It's just another bet won for me if you don't have sex in the next five months".

Castiel groans. "Oh Lord, are you still obsessed with those bets?"

"Just call me Gabe".

"You're ridiculous".

"And you're cold-blooded. Come on, don't tell me you're not thinking about those bets every now and then! The time's almost over! It's _five months_ until you're seventeen and then we shall have our final results! Don't you want to shove your wins in my face?"

Castiel thinks about it and shrugs with a "why not" sturgeon face. "Well, maybe. But we don't even have the list anymore".

"I remember most of them", says Gabe. "At least, I remember the best ones. I believe I already win that one that said you'd be taller than me in the end".

"And I believe what you're doing is called cheating and is frowned upon in most games", says Cas with another half-smile. "You were convinced you'll reach 6'3". You were lucky we didn't decide to pay 5 dollars for every inch you didn't guess correctly, cause you'd end up flat broke".

Gabe frowns theatrically. "Hitting where it hurts, aren't you? You evil bastard".

"Yes, it seems I am", says Castiel, and Gabe can't complain; Cas really did cheer up. "I had good teachers. If I'm going down, I might as well enjoy it and take you with me. And now, if you'll excuse me…"

And he turns on the radio again.

"_I'm on the Highway to Hell… _

_And I'm going down… And away…"_


	4. What ifs

_**Chapter 4**_

_Anna_

"I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Anna rushes downstairs as the doorbell keeps on ringing, and she's feeling more pissed with every ring. Dammit, can't her parents use their keys? It's been less than ten minutes since they left and she's heard the car leave, they can't have lost the damn keys. She reminds herself to put the music even louder afterwards – she's angry at them already for going out to "feel better from the shock of her daughter wanting to dye her hair red". She _had_ said _"someday",_ she'd been careful enough to say "someday".

She sees a vague person shape through the coloured glass on the front door. "What did you forget?" she asks as she opens the door, but she doesn't manage to hold on to her anger. Her brain is suddenly racing, trying to wrap itself around the fair-haired young man on her doorstep. He's a little taller than she is, slim, with slightly long hair and a fake-lusty look on his face; he's leaning on the doorframe casually. A familiar bell is ringing inside her head for a few milliseconds, and then he gives her a teasing smile and she recognises him at once.

"Oh my God".

"Just call me Gabriel".

"Oh my GOD!"

Anna jumps at her cousin's arms as they both laugh. Gabriel picks her up and gives her a couple of spins, still laughing. "Nice to see you, kiddo", he says as he squeezes her and puts her down.

"Oh my God", she repeats, not knowing what else to say. And just as the thousand questions start to form inside her head, she looks over Gabriel's shoulder and notices for the first time a shy figure behind him – a figure that is incredibly invisible for its size.

She looks at the guy up and down. He's tall, and he's slim, and he's dressed in jeans and old black Converse shoes and a light, white tee that's either too tight on his shoulders or too loose underneath. She knows him; he doesn't have a strange shape on his back, and he's not hunching, but his wire-framed glasses don't manage to hide his incredible blue eyes. Anna is perfectly aware that that piercing stare and that untidy mop of dark hair couldn't ever belong to anyone else and her eyes widen.

"Castiel?"

"Hello", says her brother and she's taken aback at the sound of his voice; she realises it's stupid, but she didn't expect a different sound than the one he had when he was eleven, especially one this hoarse. Still, it definitely _is_ her brother. For a moment she stands there, looking at him. He opens his arms like he's apologising and then suddenly she shouts in joy, runs towards him and jumps on him with such force that almost knocks him down. He grunts but laughs and picks her up like Gabriel before him.

When Castiel puts her back down between himself and Gabe, Anna's cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing. She looks at both her brother and her cousin, who are just standing there, smiling, like they haven't been gone for six years. Then she suddenly gets serious and gives them each a punch on the shoulder closer to her.

"Ow!"

"That's for taking you six years to come and visit", she says and she looks as threatening as a thirteen-year-old skinny girl standing between two guys who are from four to seven years older than her and are both standing several inches higher can look – in Anna's case, very. "_And_ for not calling to let me know you were coming. Now come in and tell me everything".

Castiel and Gabriel look at each other and walk inside, rubbing their shoulders. Anna shuts the door and follows them, still unsure this is actually happening. She watches them as they walk inside the house carefully, like they've never been here before.

"I hope you remember the way to the living room", she says and hears Gabriel chuckling from the corridor ahead of her. "Do you want me to bring you something?" she asks politely and she's surprised at herself; she's talking like she's got strangers in the house.

"No, thanks", she hears Gabriel say. "Just get your little ass over here, we haven't seen you for a long time".

"And whose fault is that?" asks Anna with a crooked smile as she brings them a couple of glasses of water anyway. Castiel gives her a guilty half-smile, but Gabriel leans back on the couch.

"It's just gonna be more interesting now that we're gonna tell you the full experience", he says and winks. "And then you're gonna tell us about your six years, and we're gonna take you out for a beer".

"Neither of you is allowed to buy beer", Anna reminds him, but she's smiling.

"Oh, Anna honey", Gabe says and gives her an astonishing grin, "you really don't know me at all". Anna gives him a confused look.

Castiel just sighs.

* * *

_Dean_

Ever since that incident in the locker room two months ago, Dean's fights with Lisa have become more frequent.

Not that it's Lisa's fault. She didn't stay annoyed for long. The next day she came and apologised for not coming to Dean when he was upset with the other guys, and for not comforting him when he was kicked out of the team. Dean appreciated it; he knew she was just annoyed at her friends for being jerks, and he decided to pretend the whole thing never happened.

He can't do it, though.

As much as he tries to forget the whole locker room incident, he just can't. It's not that he felt humiliated, it's not that he had a fight with his girlfriend and her friends; it's just that he doesn't feel like he should apologise or feel bad for looking at a guy's dick and abs. Like, come on. Who didn't _own_ these things inside that locker room? What was so shameful about them? It's not like Dean had taken off Andy's towel and stroked his crotch; he just happened to look. Couldn't they just laugh it off like they would have if he'd taken an accidental peek at a random girl's boob?

Of course, John Winchester's voice inside his head is screaming for help. Looking at another dude's cock? Seriously? What is Dean, a fag? He'd better start groping his girlfriend's ass a little more.

Generally, nobody seems to remember that incident but Dean. Lisa seems to have forgotten about it ever since she apologised for her short freak-out, and even the guys don't mention it again. But Dean can't take it out of his mind.

One night, Dean goes to sleep and that ex-teammate of his, Tyson, comes to his dream. He wakes up hard, sweaty and confused. He had never even looked at Tyson twice and he never wants to. Why the fuck does this happen?

He decides to focus his attention on Lisa. Damn, they've been together for a while now; she's cool, and understanding, and let's not forget hot, and Dean can truly say he loves her. And she does turn him on, so what's the deal? All his irritation and confusion can't be hidden and since he doesn't want to talk about it, he and Lisa start fighting a lot.

One day, he decides he can't take it anymore. It's mid-summer, Lisa is away with her parents for a week or so and she won't be back for a couple more days; Sam has gone to Jo's to watch some kind of ancient war documentaries they like; Dad is away, like always, and Ellen is helping Bobby at the garage. Anna is across the street, but she wouldn't come to his place if they were going to be alone; they never were that close. Lisa's friends aren't going to come either.

So Dean takes a cup of coffee, takes a deep breath and opens a random browser he never uses; he types in "how do I know if I'm gay?"

His heart beats faster and he feels his stomach drop, but he takes a sip from his coffee and clicks on the first page.

* * *

_Castiel_

"Wow".

"Hells yeah".

"Wow!"

"You're repeating yourself, Anna dear, but I'm not complaining".

"How did this even happen?"

"No idea. Maybe your brother brought me luck with something he once bet on".

Castiel snorts at Gabriel's wink and gives him a crooked, slightly disapproving smile. Anna just laughs and Gabe flips his hair theatrically as he slightly puffs his wings.

Cas watches as Anna passes her fingers through Gabe's elegant feathers. After she told them a couple of things about how things were here, they told her how they passed the time at Uncle Luke's place. One of the best parts, they said, was that they really never hid their wings if they didn't have to, so Anna demanded they took them out here too. Gabe didn't need to be told a second time; he took off his shirt immediately and unfurled his two pairs of glimmering, copper wings into existence. Cas is used to them so he's not impressed – well, he might be a little impressed at Gabe's ability to never get tired of showing off – but he forgets that for usual angelic folk, seeing someone with a second pair of wings is stuff of legends; it's a sign of great power and it doesn't appear often. So no wonder Anna is this shocked. Castiel just watches as she admires their cousin's unusual appendages.

"Wow", she says again and Gabe chuckles. "I'd never think this would happen in our family. And just how well are you hiding your powers? I can barely feel your Grace!" she exclaims.

"So _your_ powers have grown", observes Castiel with that half-smile of his.

"Oh. Yes, I guess", admits Anna with a slight blush. "I mean, I can sense stuff more than I used to, but still I'm not anything special. Not like this", she says and makes a vague movement towards the huge mass of feathers Gabriel has unleashed.

"I doubt you'll _ever_ find anyone like this", comments Castiel.

"I guess so", says Anna. "And I've never heard of copper wings, either. It seems mum was right, strange wing colours do run in the family. Or maybe it has something to do with Gabe's crazy powers, I don't know".

"You never got to grow wings, right?" Gabriel asks her. She shrugs.

"It just never happened", she says. "I guess I take after mum. Generally, it was your side of the family who got the winged guys", and Gabe nods in agreement. "Except, of course…" she continues, turning her head dramatically towards her brother, who looks at her innocently.

"Except what?"

"You", she says simply. "Come on, you must want to stretch, and I wanna see!"

"See what?"

"Are you kidding? You said you let out your wings at Uncle Luke's, so you might as well do it here as well", Anna insists.

"I don't think so", says Castiel, making Anna snort.

"Come on now!" she exclaims. "You're hiding them, aren't you? You_ finally_ managed to hide them! I can feel it. I can get such stuff. But you're trying very hard to keep them hidden. You might as well let go".

"I'm warning you, you won't like it", Cas insists.

"I've seen your wings before", Anna reminds him.

"No, you haven't", Gabe butts in and Anna frowns.

"Just let them out already", she tells her brother. "I can feel how uncomfortable you are".

"Okay", Cas sighs and gives up. "Don't' say that I didn't warn you".

He reluctantly takes off his T-shirt, rolls his shoulders with a crack of his joints and then, out of nowhere, there they are. No special effect or anything; his wings are just there, like they were always there. Of course, they kind of _were_; they were just unseen.

Castiel gives them an awkward stretch and flap to get rid of the numbness and folds them on his back, unwilling to show off. He turns his eyes towards Anna, who's just staring.

"OK, you need to say _something_ now", says Castiel and Anna looks at him with a startle.

"Um…" she starts, "they're… bigger".

"Yeah".

"Can you fly?"

"With difficulty, and not for long".

"Could you… um…" Anna makes a circling gesture with her finger, and Castiel hesitates, but he does turn his back on her.

He feels her fingers on the base of his wings and then on the arch of their wrist joint, and then on the tips of the longest feathers, which makes him shiver.

"Sorry", he hears Anna murmur.

"It's okay".

"Can they really lift you up?"

"Well, I'm not a flying champion, but they do their job if they have to".

"Because they're…"

"I know".

"Are you sure that…" Anna hesitates. "Oh, Gosh, I don't know how to say this without sounding like a pig. Are you sure… that there's nothing wrong with them?"

"Look, I know they're small, but I'm okay with them. At least I don't look like a fledgling anymore".

"I was referring to the fact that they're dark grey, Cas".

"Oh."

"What's the deal?"

"No deal", says Castiel and he shifts in his seat. "They just are".

"They're supposed to be white".

"Well, they aren't."

"Do you think it has something to do with their size?"

"What? No! What does one have to do with the other?"

"I don't know, I'm just saying", says Anna and shrugs. "Have you looked into it?"

"Oh, sure", Gabriel butts in. "I've taken him to the best doctors. Because you know, it's the most normal thing in the world to go to doctor House and tell him 'listen up Doc, my cousin's wings are freakishly small for his age and they're also look like charcoal instead of virgin snow. Should he take a medication or we should just pull them until they grow and wash them with chlorine?' Come on".

"Yes, thank you for your input", Cas interrupts and turns back to Anna. "Look, I warned you, okay? They're weird alright, but they're better than they used to, and they can lift me up if they have to, and I'm okay with them. I'm not a wing supermodel, but I'm _okay_. And I can hide them now too. Well, not easily, but I can. So let it go. I'm fine, really", and he smiles encouragingly. Anna bites her lip.

"Yeah, yeah", she mutters. "Of course. I'm sorry" she says and shuffles some feathers on his right wrist joint. Cas' primary tips shift and shiver at the affectionate touch. "I was just a little worried for a second. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable".

"It's okay, I'm used to it", says Cas and shrugs.

"I don't see why you're acting like it's a big deal", says Gabriel, speaking to nobody in particular, and puts his legs on the coffee table. "Cas is still young, y'know. I got the second pair when I was his age, out of the blue. He could still get more powerful, you never know".

Castiel snorts. "I appreciate the effort, Gabe, but this isn't another bet list to make me feel better. I'm okay with who I am, really. Maybe for the first time in my life, I'm actually okay. There's no need for this".

"Well, I'd say be ready for everything", says Gabriel.

"Gabe, we've talked about this a million times", Castiel interrupts him. Anna looks from one to the other, confused.

"What is he talking about?" she asks Castiel, who just sighs.

"Gabriel has this crazy theory, he says that—"

"It's not crazy at all!" Gabriel interrupts him. "In fact, I'm willing to bet on it". He turns to Anna. "Look, when Cas was born, everyone thought that he had no Grace at all, right?"

Anna looks at Cas, then back at Gabe. "Yeah, as far as I've heard".

"Right. So what happened when he was four?"

Anna hesitates again. "He… suddenly got Grace?"

"No, that's the point. He already had it, it just hadn't shown itself", says Gabriel with the look of a person who explains a new theory in quantum physics. "So what triggered it into showing?"

"Um… fear? Shock?" guesses Anna, who has heard the story. Castiel just pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Shock! Exactly", says Gabe excitedly. "So, Cas has led quite a quiet life so far, right? So what tells us that, if he's shocked like that another time, he won't show more of his Grace?"

Anna narrows her eyes in thought. "But his wings did grow over the years on their own; they didn't need a shock, right?"

"Well, yeah, they had a little freak-out when he got into adolescence, sure, but a guy his height would normally have reached like a twelve, thirteen foot wingspan? Cas hardly reaches nine feet. Hell, he can't even lift himself up if the wind's too strong. He can't support his own weight in flight".

"Thanks, Gabe. That really makes me feel better", mocks Castiel.

"Hey, you're learning sarcasm, that's good", observes Gabriel with a teasing smile and then he turns back to Anna, continuing like he never stopped. "Plus, he can barely control his wings to hide them properly, which means that he _has_ potential for pretty cool angelic stuff, _but_ his powers work minimum capacity. So what I think is that he's got a shitload of Grace piled inside there and he just needs the proper motivation to get it out".

"And I say this is stupid", adds Castiel. "I'm almost seventeen and we've never even had the slightest hint that I might be able of something more than this".

"So what kind of shock do you think he could need?" Anna asks Gabe curiously, and Castiel looks at her with his eyes widened.

"Oh, come on".

She shrugs with a guilty smile. "Sorry, bro. I think it makes sense".

"No, it doesn't!"

"I think an accident, or a hit on the head, or the attack of a dozen cuddly puppies, it doesn't have to be a bad kind of shock", answers Gabriel, completely ignoring Cas.

"We're not seriously talking about this!"

"I did bet on it just now, Cassie-boy. The list is not done yet. Consider it re-opened".

"You think we should try?" Anna asks Gabe. "Like, the good kind of shock".

"Guys—"

"It's worth a shot".

"Okay, I'm out".

Castiel gets up and folds his wings tightly on his back as he walks away, leaving Anna and Gabriel chat about his supposed powers, still unsure whether they're serious or not. With Gabriel, he can never be sure, and he definitely can't know whether Anna ended up being his heir.

He walks around the house for a bit, memories flooding his mind. After a couple of minutes, he goes upstairs. The stairs creak in all the familiar spots as his feet take him outside his room for the first time after six years.

He hesitates, but opens the door. There they are; everything he left behind in a hurry and everything that marked his childhood. His footsteps create small clouds of dust as he explores his old hiding place and childhood fortress. Gosh, how small it seems now.

Yes, everything's here. Sketchbooks, toys, the old soft blanket he used to wrap around him when he spent his nights at the circular window, reading at the light of the street lamp. He looks at a copy of Unfinished Tales at his bedside table; there's a bookmark in the middle, ironically enough. He doesn't remember why he didn't take the book with him when he left.

He smiles and takes it in his hands. Then he sits in his bed, in that particular place that still seems to welcome his weight in that familiar stance.

He opens the book and, strangely enough, he feels like home.

* * *

_Dean_

Dean turns off the computer and sighs. He leans back on his chair, causing it to roll its way away from his desk, and he casually puts his legs next to the keyboard.

Okay. So it seems he's bisexual. No big deal, right?

He folds his arms behind his head and stares at the ceiling. Yeah, definitely no big deal. Nobody has to know. He's with Lisa, that's pretty heterosexual of him. Besides, there are no gay guys in the school that he knows of, and he hasn't met anyone outside school so far, so even if he sometime breaks up with her, he won't be able to have a same-sex relationship. That's good. No freaking out his family until he goes to college or something.

Damn.

Okay, try to think positive, he tells himself. You belong to a minority alright, but doesn't bisexuality mean you've got double chances of finding someone?

Huh. He likes these chances.

Right. So really, no big deal.

He rolls to the window and opens the curtains. He looks at the street for any signs of Sam coming home. He snorts. Yeah, right.

Then his eyes turn to the Novaks' house across the street.

He looks away and then freezes and looks back at the house.

The attic window.

Could that really be…?

He opens the window as fast as he can. Yeah, no doubt. But how could it be? No person has stood reading by the attic window ever since Cas left. And now…

As he stares at the guy in Castiel's window, the guy looks up from his book.

His deep blue eyes meet Dean's.

And their clock skips a beat.


	5. Many Meetings

_(A/N: 1. The title, as many of you might know, comes from a chapter in the Lord of the Rings. Since I made the book Castiel's childhood favourite, it seemed appropriate._

_2. So many awesome people asked me for the next chapter! So I wrote a 6,500 word monster and corrected it inside an evening. I'm sorry that the good stuff take long, but it's getting out of me. I apologise for any mistakes, I'll check on it again, but right now it's 4 am and I'm pretty much nodding._

_Thanks for reading this and THANK YOU for the lovely reviews! I love every single word you guys send me, you're all awesome ^^)_

_**Chapter 5 – Many Meetings**_

_Castiel_

Shit.

For a moment, Cas gets lost in the long-forgotten face of his old best friend and then he realises something's wrong with his chest.

Oh, yeah. He needs to breathe.

He takes a couple of fast breaths, without taking his eyes off the face in the opposite window – so familiar in a thousand ways, and yet so strange. His first instinct is to wave and run downstairs, ready for the next adventure, but he realises that he's not ten anymore, and Dean's look doesn't give away his feelings; damn, he's probably still pissed at Cas for leaving like that six years ago.

Castiel suddenly panics and shuts the curtains, cursing himself for it the exact next second. He concentrates with difficulty and sends his wings into the invisible dimension they go to when they're hidden. He runs downstairs with his heart beating like a war drum. He truly hopes Dean hasn't seen them. They were tucked away on his back, there's no way he's seen them.

* * *

_Dean_

Castiel is back.

No.

Freaking.

Way.

Okay, it wasn't an illusion or anything. Dean isn't dreaming. There was indeed a guy in Castiel's old window, and he somehow looked like Dean's old friend. And yet he didn't.

Dean shakes his head. Yeah, the curtains across the street are shut. And they haven't been shut for six years. He would know; he often finds himself staring at that window, missing the awkward nerd behind it.

He suddenly gets angry. Anna should have called him! Damn, _Cas_ should have called him. Appearing like that out of nowhere, what's this about?

He puts on his sneakers without making the effort of tying his shoelaces, and decides to run to the house across the street, asking for explanations.

And then it hits him and he stops with his hand in the middle of reaching for his keys.

Why the hell should Cas let him know he was coming? Dean didn't try to stop him when he said he was leaving. He didn't try to find out what was his huge problem that made him leave; he only got mad at him for not saying about it on his own.

Yeah, but they never said they weren't friends anymore.

But they haven't talked for _six years_.

Dean sighs and doesn't grab his keys. He goes back to his room, the person in the window already feeling like a dream.

And he suddenly feels really, really sad.

* * *

_Castiel_

"Cas? Hey, where are you going?"

"Nowhere", Castiel answers his sister and immediately feels like an idiot. "I mean, I saw Dean's at home. I thought I'd go say hi, you know. Make up for the last time we saw each other".

"But Mum and Dad will be home any moment now".

Castiel's shoulders drop in disappointment. "What?"

"Yeah, they just called and they're on their way", Anna says and she sounds disappointed too. "I didn't tell them you're here, I just told them I had a surprise for them and that they should hurry".

"Oh", Cas says. "Okay, I'll just go across the street for a moment and I'll be back in no time, I promise".

Gabriel snorts. "Yeah, and you'll resolve your six years of jackass issues in fifteen minutes, I guess? Come on, Cas, we'll go together afterwards. I want to go out with my old pals on my birthday; you'll have all the time in the world to talk to Dean".

"But –"

"No 'buts'".

"But if I don't go now we might not catch him later!"

"Then we'll get him tomorrow".

Castiel blinks. "What?"

Gabriel leans back on the couch with a look of pure satisfaction. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. We're staying here for a couple of days".

"Wha – When did you decide that?"

Gabriel pretends to be deep in thought. "Hmmm… About a week before we left".

"You're unbelievable", says Castiel. "When were you planning on telling me?"

"About three hours of our stay here, which is…" Gabe looks at his watch, "…exactly now! Well done, me. You're awesome. Applaud for Gabe".

Cas takes a deep breath and counts to ten until he is calm enough to not let his wings explode into existence. It's a tactic he's perfected over his years of growing up with Gabriel. "Gabe, I don't even have a second pair of clothes with me".

"Yeah you do. I've taken care of it", says Gabe and winks. Anna giggles.

Cas sighs. "Sometimes I'd like to hit you with a hammer, you know that?"

"Love ya too, Cassie", Gabriel answers and grins.

And then there's the sound of a car. Castiel looks desperately at Anna, who just throws him his T-shirt back. Gabriel doesn't make any movements to hide his wings, except folding them on his back, which is not a very subtle movement; the tips still brush his ankles.

Anna walks toward the door at the moment when there's the sound of keys. Cas and Gabe just look at each other while they hear the sounds of Cas' parents coming home. Gabe smiles encouragingly but Cas, for some reason, isn't nervous. Maybe he should be, he thinks. He just isn't.

"Oh, thank goodness", Cas hears his mother say from the hall. "For a moment I'd thought the surprise was that you _did_ dye your hair".

"Can we hope that you finally tidied your room?" sounds the voice of Cas' father.

"Something better", insists Anna. "Come on".

"I honestly can't think of anything better than –" Sarah says as she steps into the living room and Cas feels her eyes fixing on him.

"Oh, Lord", Cas hears his father exclaim as he follows his daughter and wife in the room.

"Castiel?" Sarah asks in a whisper. "And… Gabriel?"

"In the flesh", says Gabe and smiles.

"My goodness", Sarah mutters. "Come here". Instead of waiting for her son and nephew to come to her, she quickly walks towards them and hugs them both in a very tight hug. They awkwardly hug her back for a while, but she doesn't seem to want to let go.

Castiel shifts. "Um… mum?"

"What?" asks Sarah, and then she realises she's probably overdoing it. "Oh. Sorry". She lets them go with an awkward chuckle. Castiel notices a tear in her eye, and finally starts to realise he's seeing his mother again after so long. Huh. He didn't know what kind of feelings he expected. He's certainly too calm and maybe he should start worrying.

"Welcome back, son", he hears his father say and he feels his hand being shaken. He doesn't quite realise it's his father's way of showing his affection until he's shaking Gabriel's hand.

"Uh. Thanks", Castiel mutters. He'll be damned. It seems he's used to Uncle Luke's kind of showing affection; it usually includes back-patting, hair-shuffling, headlocks and generally a good amount of pain, usually followed by laughter and cooking or baking things – even more pain if anyone ever mentioned the girliness of the situation. Castiel suddenly wonders how the hell he managed to live _here_ once.

"I can't believe you're here", Sarah says, wiping her subtle tears. "I didn't think I'd ever see you two again. And look at you! All grown up".

"Well, it _has_ been six years", comments Castiel with an awkward half-smile.

"Yeah, but still…" Sarah laughs. "Will you listen to that voice! A grown man indeed! And look at this pretty face", and she strokes Cas' cheek as he starts to really feel strange. "You look wonderful. I really can't believe you're here".

"Neither does he, believe me", remarks Gabe with a chuckle. Sarah and Nazael turn their looks on him.

"And Gabriel, my dear", says Sarah, and both boys can hear the discomfort in her voice. "Wow, you're… grown", she says as she eyes Gabe with a frown. Nazael covers his mouth when he realises what's actually happening on Gabriel's back. There's a brief silence.

"Whew, and I almost thought having my odd number of weird-coloured massive wings around would be awkward", says Gabriel with a disarmingly friendly grin. "Don't worry about it", he assures her as his wings disappear, "I won't stay long anyway. I'm planning to find a place for us to go tonight. Or maybe I'll just go see my folks and annoy the crap out of them. Cas is all yours to enjoy".

Sarah's gulp is loud enough for everyone to hear, but she wears her formal smile, even if it's twitching a bit. "Are you sure you don't you want to stay for lunch?" she asks, too politely.

"Nah, it's okay. I'll just come back later for Cas". Gabe winks at his cousins. "That's a threat, b-t-w. It _is_ still my birthday, and I won't accept anything else than a burning building for the celebration of my entrance into the third decade. Or a three-days-long hangover. Or a couch-sized cake with—".

"Yeah, we get it, Gabe", Cas interrupts him with a chuckle and he shoves him outside the house. "Talk to you later".

"Bye, Auntie Sarah! Bye, Uncle Nazael!" shouts Gabe as he lets Cas shove him outside. Then he turns to Castiel with an evil grin on his face. "Okay, at least now whatever you do or say you won't be as bad as this Exhibit A of wonderfully disgusting behaviour. You're welcome", and he runs to the car before Cas has time to say anything. "See you later, Cassie-boy!"

Castiel can only wave and smile to himself, before he gets back inside.

* * *

_Sam_

"Dean, I'm home!"

No answer.

Sam kicks his shoes off under the coat hanger on the hall. He listens carefully for signs of life and he hears the sound of the TV from the living room.

"Dean?"

Was that an answering grunt? Sam goes to the living room to find his brother practically having become one with the couch as he absentmindedly watches some kind of western that Sam wants nothing to do with. He looks around and decides to go deducing a little bit; an empty Fanta bottle, step one; and there's the empty crisps bag, step two, and there's the remains of the cold pizza they had in the fridge, step three. Dean has been rotting here for at least three hours.

"What happened, Dean?"

Dean grunts again.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that".

Dean turns his head slowly towards his brother. If looks could kill, Sam would be ripped to pieces by now. He returns the look.

"I'm waiting, Dean".

Dean sighs and mutes the TV. "Nothing happened".

"Yeah, right".

"No, I mean, that's my problem. That _nothing freaking happened_".

Sam frowns. "What do you mean? What did you _want_ to happen?"

Dean sighs again and looks back on the TV, without turning on the sound. "I think Cas is back".

"Wha—" Sam's eyes widen. "What do you mean, he's back?"

"What could I possibly mean, Einstein? I mean that _he's back_", Dean says angrily. "Or so I think. I mean, I saw a guy at his window and I'm pretty sure it was him. And I noticed a car outside that I don't think I've seen before. So… yeah".

"Wait, how can you be 'pretty sure'? Didn't you see him?" Sam sits next to Dean in the couch.

"Well, I did see him, but he, uh, he looked pretty different", explains Dean. "And we looked at each other, you know, but he didn't wave or come over or anything, and I'm starting to wonder".

"Didn't you go over there to see what's going on?"

"No", Dean exclaims like it's self-explanatory. "Even if it's him, he's probably pissed at me, that's why he didn't come over. So why would I poke him with a stick?"

Sam looks at Dean like he's crazy. "Why would he be pissed at you?"

"Because you know, we had a fight the last time we saw each other".

"Are_ you_ pissed at him?"

"What? No, no, of course not, Sammy", says Dean and he rubs his neck. "Quite the opposite, I feel like an idiot. He's probably just mad at me".

Sam sighs. Gosh, Dean is almost seventeen and he's got the emotional maturity of a six-year old. Sam sometimes can't believe he's the younger one. "You're such a jerk", he says. "Cas is probably feeling bad about that whole thing the same way you do. You guys were best friends, remember? That doesn't go away easily. You should just go over there and talk to him".

Dean thinks about it for a moment, not looking at Sam. "Well, I told you, I'm not even sure it's him. I didn't get a good look. I was pretty sure at first, but he might just be a cousin or something", he murmurs.

"Yeah, like the Novaks have the crazy huge family that comes visiting randomly in the middle of July", responds Sam with a snort. "Come on, let's go".

"Wait, Sammy—"

"Shut up" Sam says. "I've missed him too, you know! And you're gonna come with me because I'm a defenceless little guy who can't cross the street and you're my big brother who should protect me".

Dean looks at Sam like he's something he step on and got stuck on his sole. "You're thirteen and almost my height, you sasquatch".

"So you're coming with me so they don't lock me up with the strays", answers Sam without missing a beat. "Come on".

Dean grunts but gets up and Sam knows he's won this one. He watches as Dean goes upstairs to his room and he recognises the sound of angry shuffling in the piles of clothes until there's something that's both clean and decent looking. He half-appears on the top of the stairs, wearing a black tee and jeans, and his loyal army boots with the laces untied.

"Okay, we're going, but let's make it quick, before I regret it", he says. "Just let me go get my cell and we're off".

Sam just smiles and reaches for his keys. He wears his shoes again and opens the front door – only to find a person who he instantly recognises as Gabriel in front of him, with his finger ready on the doorbell.

"My, my", says Gabe. "Talk about synch!"

* * *

_Dean_

"Dammit".

Dean looks at the dying battery in his cell and pouts. He puts his keys in his pocket and looks around in his room, wondering if he'd need anything else. Of course, this is stupid; he's just going across the street. But he kind of has a feeling that he can't really predict what's gonna happen tonight.

He lingers a little bit more in his room; it's like his feet don't want to take him downstairs. Then he hears it:

"Hey, Dean-o! Bring your little ass down here to wish me happy birthday!"

Oh, crap.

He runs downstairs and… yes, he was right. That smirk is forever carved inside his brain.

"Holy shit, Gabe, can't you say hi like a normal person?" he says as he walks toward his old friend.

"Where's the fun in that?" shrugs Gabriel as he gives Dean a quick hug and a pat on the shoulder. "Don't ever mistake me for a normal person, kiddo".

"I wouldn't ever do that", says Dean. "First of all, a normal person doesn't look like a Smurf. What happened to you? Did you stop eating your vegetables?"

"Well, you know what they say about short dudes, Dean-o", says Gabe and winks. "By the way, is that a size 7 shoe I'm seeing there?"

Dean looks at the floor behind him. "That's Jo's, you freak".

"I really had you there for a second, though", cackles Gabe.

"Yeah, you wish", Dean laughs. Damn, he might be acting cool, but in reality he's excited as hell. He hasn't felt this much at home with a friend for years. He suddenly realises how much he missed this. "How come you're here, anyway?"

"Well, I was just telling Sam here that I took Cas this morning and we took a road trip. Hell, we hadn't seen you guys for ages, I wanted to celebrate my birthday properly for once. I'm tired of picking on the same people over and over".

"Wow, that's so cute I'm gonna cry", says Dean. "So… Cas is here too?"

"Yeah, I left him with his folks. He wanted to come over, but his parents came and he needed to stay. Anyway, what I'm thinking is this; I'm gonna take you to an awesome place I know, after we pass by Jo's place and take her with us, and then I'll go pick up Cas and Anna and save them from their parents. What do you think?"

Dean and Sam look at each other. "Sounds like a plan", agrees Sam.

"Okay", says Gabe and he claps his hands. "Off we go then".

* * *

_Castiel_

"Thanks for the rescue, Gabe".

"Don't mention it".

"This is an awesome car", Anna observes from the back seat. "I've never been inside it before".

"Yeah, it's Uncle Luke's pride and joy", explains Gabriel and then he turns to Castiel. "So how did it go?"

Cas grunts. "Horrible. I can't believe we thought they were okay. We sat on the table right after you left and my mother's first comment on not seeing my wings was _'Did you have a good surgeon?'_ I can't believe she thought I'd actually do that!"

"Crap, they're still thinking about this?"

"Yeah", answers Anna in Cas' stead and she sounds a bit ashamed. "I think Uncle Daniel wanted to do it so they started looking again".

"This is just sick", comments Gabriel.

"Well, you can't blame them", says Anna. "Don't get me wrong", she continues in a hurry when she sees both Cas and Gabe's mouths opening to protest, "I don't like it either. But if they want it, then it's fine. I mean, Uncle Daniel hates his wings and nobody has ever seen them for years now. So for him it's better to have them gone, you know? But it's disgusting to force that to somebody who wants to keep them, that's all I'm saying".

"I hadn't thought of it that way", says Castiel quietly and then they all stay silent for a moment. "Do you think I shouldn't have told them about my wings' colour?"

"I guess they would have found out about it anyway", says Anna.

"Okay folks, wing talk over", interrupts Gabe as he pulls over near a small bar. "We're here".

"What, is this it?" asks Cas in disbelief. The place is a little bit outside of town and it looks weirdly hostile.

"Yeap".

"Gabe, you do know you have three thirteen-year-olds with you, right?"

"Oh, that's the best part", says Gabe with a grin. "Only we know about this. Everyone else in the bar is gonna be seeing a group of adults for as long as we're there, so Anna, don't freak out if anyone hits on you".

"What?"

"Gabe, are you kidding?" asks Castiel, not believing his ears. "How are you ever going to explain that to the others?"

"Look, just trust me, okay?"

"Oh God, I'm so going to regret this".

They get off the car and walk inside the bar. Castiel puts his hand on Anna's shoulder to stop her from freaking out and he tries to look calm as Gabriel shows the bartender three fake IDs that he probably produced out of nowhere. After a while the guy gives him three six-packs of beer, he pays and makes a movement with his head for Cas and Anna to get moving towards the exit. Cas takes one six-pack to help him and walks out.

"What was the meaning of this?"

"Just follow me, will you?"

Cas can only do as he's told and hope for the best.

* * *

_Dean_

"Where is he, dammit?"

"Come on now, Jo, he'll be here any minute".

"I still don't get why you didn't let me punch him".

"Okay, we haven't seen him in a while, but that's not a reason to—"

"Yeah, it is".

"Dean, back me up!"

"Actually, I'm with Jo in this one".

"Seriously…"

Dean sits on a rock and stretches his legs. The music coming from the shitty bar Gabe picked is good enough for his taste, and the empty space behind it is even better. Rocks, dry grass, summer breeze and his pals. Seems like a nice plan. And then…

"Kids, we're home!"

Dean looks up. There he is, Gabe with the six-packs, walking like he owns the world. Anna is right behind him, smiling. And then—

Holy shit.

As Sam and Jo run to greet him, Cas lets down the six-pack he's carrying and hugs them, laughing. Dean is sure, Cas is saying something, but he can't hear it, or maybe he can, but he just doesn't listen. He realises he's stood up.

Castiel lets go of Sammy and Jo and he comes closer to leave the six-pack on a rock. Dean is just staring at him, as Cas moves carefully towards him and in the end stands in front of him, looking embarrassed.

Dean opens his mouth, but doesn't find anything to say.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Dean hears Gabriel's voice, and both him and Cas turn to look at their host for the night. "You're acting like a Disney couple! Just apologise to each other and get it over with, the beers behind the bar are just the beginning! Come here, folks", and he gathers around him Anna, Sam and Jo.

Dean turns his look back to face Cas, who gives him that guilty half-smile of his.

"So… hey", says Dean with an awkward crooked smile.

"Hello, Dean", Castiel greets politely and Dean becomes the third person that day to be surprised at the strange sound of Cas' voice.

"Wow, man", Dean says as he rubs his neck. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Yes, it definitely has".

They look at each other. Dean feels his mouth dry. What the hell? He never thought he'd be so nervous around Cas. He looks so different. It's not exactly the way he looks, because Dean is still seeing his chubby, awkward best friend somewhere under these almost six feet of good-looking teenager standing in front of him. No, it's the way Cas smiles. It's not a proper smile, it never was; it's just that he means it more now than he did before. He looks happier, somehow better. Dean suddenly realises that Cas was right to leave so many years ago. He's never seen his friend's eyes so bright.

He clears his throat. "So, I… I saw you today at the window".

"Oh". It's pretty dark, but Dean swears Cas just blushed. "Yeah. Sorry about that. It's just… well, we hadn't seen each other for a while and I wanted to talk to you before we started waving at each other's window again. I mean, our last conversation was…"

"Yeah".

"So I thought you might not want to talk to me".

"What?" Dean curses Sam's insight. "No, no. Really, I can't believe you'd think that. I mean, I acted like a total jerk back then. To be honest, I thought _you'd_ be pissed at _me_".

Cas tilts his head. Crap. Dean had forgotten about the head-tilt. Cas looks like a freaking puppy. "Unbelievable", Cas says in the end. "I always felt bad about leaving like this. I didn't think you'd ever forgive me".

"Yeah, the whole thing didn't agree with me", admits Dean, "but I don't know… now that I see you, I think you did the right thing back then. Both of you guys look like you're doing really great".

Cas smiles. "Yes, it's been nice. I missed this place, though. And I didn't realise how much until today".

"Well, you're back now".

"Yes. I'm back".

They look at each other for a bit. Dean absentmindedly feels a vibration inside his back pocket, but doesn't pay attention. "So… do you think we can stop being assholes to each other and go back to being friends?"

Cas' smile widens. "Yeah, I think I can do that".

"Awesome", answers Dean and he smiles, and he's sure that he hasn't felt this happy in a while. Castiel gives him his hand for a shake, and Dean looks at it for a moment. He then grabs it tight, and then pulls Cas towards him in a friendly hug anyway. He then looks at him, frowning.

"Are you okay?"

Cas blinks. "Yes, of course. Why?"

"I don't know. You felt a little feverish".

"What? No, I'm okay".

"Sure?"

"Yes".

"Okay then. You know", Dean gives up with a shrug. "Wanna go get a beer?"

"Since I'm going to spend my evening behind a bar anyway, I don't see why not".

They go next to Gabriel and the others and grab a couple of beers. Then they instinctively walk away from the rest and go sit on their own in a huge rock as the sun starts to set.

* * *

_Castiel_

Cas doesn't remember feeling this happy for a long time. He smiles as he looks at Anna, Sammy – wait, now they call him Sam – and Jo, all having the time of their life with Gabe. And he's here with Dean. Damn, he'd missed him too much. He had forgotten what having a best friend felt like.

"What are you thinking about?" Dean asks suddenly and Cas turns to look at him.

"Oh, you know, nothing important. I'm just happy to be back here, that's all".

Dean opens his can of beer and takes a sip. "Should I even ask why it took you so long or we'll end up not talking again?" he asks, and Castiel isn't serious if he's joking or not.

"Well", he starts, "it's not that we didn't miss the place. But we needed some time away. Uncle Luke is great, you know. He helped a lot. We just thought that we should keep our distance for a while".

Dean looks at him for a moment. "What did he help you with?"

Cas turns his eyes away. "Family things".

Dean waits a little. "That's all?" Cas looks back at him. "_'Family things?' _That's all I get after six years?"

"I'm sorry, Dean", Castiel says and he really means it. Damn, he can feel his feathers itching from wanting to appear and destroy the huge wall of secrets between him and his friend. "I really can't say anything else. I wish I could, I really do. But it's just… There are some things that I just can't say. This is one of them. It has to do with my family. Can you live with that?"

Dean hesitates. "Yeah, okay. I guess I'll be a jerk if I put any more pressure on you".

"Thank you".

"Don't mention it. I'm just happy you're here".

Castiel smiles. "So what about you? How have these years been for you?"

"Well, it's been…" Cas sees Dean smiling, then hesitating, then sighing. "Damn, I can't lie to you, man. They've been pretty bad. Not that anything specific happened. I mean, I've had a couple of shocks, one pretty recently, but nothing actually bad. It's just that Dad's leaving for months in a row now, and I was missing you guys a lot, and I was stuck with guys I didn't like at school, while Sammy has Anna and Jo and they're like a perfect little gang, you see? I've been fighting with my girlfriend a lot, and I just want a pal, like a proper pal, you know? Like the old times. And Sam's spending all his time with Jo now, and man, it's been pretty lonely lately, I hate to say this".

Cas opens his own can and takes a sip. He feels the bubbles in his throat and the taste rushing up his nostrils and he wrinkles his nose, making a sound. Dean laughs.

"Come on, man, it's not even strong".

"I wouldn't know", says Castiel and Dean blinks. "Do you even like this?"

"Yeah, of course. Dude, you've had beer before, right?"

"Haven't had an occasion".

Dean laughs. "Wow. I mean, no offence, but even Sam and Jo have had some beer at some point".

"I can't be offended by that, Dean".

"Okay then. But I'll get you used to it".

"We'll see about that". Castiel pauses for a moment. "So… Sam and Jo. What's up with that?" He doesn't know if it's the right thing to say; many teenagers ask about things like that, so he decides to take a shot. He's suddenly afraid Dean will decide his old friend is boring and he'll leave. However, Dean cackles.

"I'm telling you, man, if they were a little older, I'd be seriously worried they're going at it behind my back", he says. "Unless they've started things early so if that's the case, I'm going to freak out, honestly".

Castiel just smiles. "You think something's actually going on between them?"

"I have no idea, man. I mean, they're thirteen, right? They're too young".

"Well, you were starting your… 'adventures'", he does the quotation marks with his fingers, "since you were eleven, remember?"

"What?" Dean frowns for a moment and then his eyes widen. "Oh my freaking God, I'd forgotten about that! Shit. It was Meg, wasn't it? Seriously, how did you even remember that?"

Castiel feels his cheeks burn. "Well, we had mentioned it during our last… meeting".

"Oh, crap, you're right". Dean clears his throat and takes a sip from his beer. "Well, there was no need to worry about me ignoring my friends for my new girlfriend back then anyways. Nothing happened with Meg in the end. Obviously. Cause, you know, we were freaking eleven. I don't think anyone should date until they're at least fourteen, actually. Otherwise it's just kids being weird".

"I wouldn't know", murmurs Castiel and he takes a sip. It tastes as bad as before. Dean looks at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say I'm not an expert on the dating business".

"Okay, me neither, but when was the first time you actually dated?" asks Dean and Cas is pretty sure his face is starting to glow in the dark.

"How old were _you_?" he asks instead of answering.

"Well, I was fourteen… " Dean replies while he seems to be thinking, "and then there were several dates until last year, when I got together with Lisa and, well, we're still together".

Cas feels his heart pounding at that, but he just can't figure out why. "Oh", he just says.

"So what about you?"

"Well… it wasn't".

"What?" Dean looks at him, confused.

"You asked when the first time I dated was. Well, it wasn't. Ever". Cas really wants to disappear right now.

"Wait, like, _never_, ever?"

"Yeah".

"You've _never dated_ anyone?"

"No".

"Why?"

Cas shifts in his place. "Well, it's like I've told Gabe. I just haven't found the right girl yet".

Dean waits in silence for a second. "Have you—" he starts and then stops.

"What?"

"Have you thought about looking for the right guy?"

Castiel snorts. "You sound just like Gabriel".

"Yeah?"

"Yes. And the answer is no. I'm not gay. I'm just… not interested, that's all".

"Huh. So you think you might be ace?"

"What?"

"Like, asexual?"

"I don't know. I'm mostly indifferent, you know".

"Don't you want a relationship? Or sex?" Dean suddenly takes a guilty expression. "I mean, I don't want to pressure you, okay man? I'm just trying to get to know you a little bit more. It has been a long time. I don't wanna creep you out".

"No, it's okay", Cas assures him. "It's not that I don't _want _these things, _ever_", he says, trying to explain in in the best way. "I just…" he hesitates.

"What?"

"No, you'll just laugh at me".

"No, I won't!"

"Yes, you will. Everyone does".

"Well, I'm not everyone. Try me".

Castiel looks at him and the honesty and genuine interest inside his green eyes convinces him. He sighs.

"Okay. So it's like this", he starts. "I believe in love, okay? Call me old-fashioned, call me naïve, call me a big girl, I don't care. I believe that a relationship should be something that happens out of love, not because two people are available and have nothing better to do. I think a romantic, let alone sexual relationship should be something that comes naturally. Like two people meeting and knowing they're meant for each other".

"Like love at first sight?"

"Not necessarily. I just think that it should be something that doesn't need to be asked for. For me, if you need to ask the other person if they like you, you've lost it and the whole thing has an expiration date. You need to know inside your heart that you want to be together with the other person, and you need to _feel_ that they're feeling the same way. If you're chasing them and trying hard for it, then it's probably not worth it. In my point of view, it's like a scale, you know; if the effort you have to make to either make a relationship happen or keep it is bigger than the satisfaction you get from it, then _it's not worth it_".

Dean stays silent for a moment. "You always have to try in relationships, though".

"Yes, but what I'm saying is that… I don't know, most people have a lot of relationships, many inside the same year. What I want is something that's based on actual love, and for me love is not something that can be so easily replaced. So if I get involved with someone, I want it to be something good. And since I haven't yet found the person that will make me feel like it's worth it, then I don't want to have it at all".

Dean thinks about it for a moment and laughs.

Cas snorts. "See, you're laughing".

"No, no, it's—"

"You're laughing at me!"

"No, I'm not", says Dean and smiles at him, and Cas suddenly feels like he's indeed feverish. "I'm just thinking how awesome this way of thinking is".

Cas feels his shoulders relax. "You really think so? You don't think it's stupid?"

"No, I don't", Dean reassures him. "It's pretty great that people are still thinking this way. I somehow wish _I_ was".

"Why?"

Dean looks at him, startled. "What?"

"Why do you wish that? Aren't you happy the way you are now?"

"'course I am", says Dean and drinks a big gulp. Then he sighs. "I don't know, maybe I'm not. Lisa's great, really, but… I don't know. Stuff has happened since we got together".

"You don't need to tell me, if you don't want to".

"No, it's just that… I got to know myself a little better, okay? And I found out stuff about myself. And I know Lisa wouldn't be okay with who I really am, and I fucking hate secrets".

Cas feels his heart drop and his other-dimensional feathers twitch. "Yeah".

"Have you ever felt that way?"

"Dean, _my whole life_ has been a secret".

Dean narrows his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Hey, guys!" Gabriel's voice interrupts Cas as soon as he opens his mouth. "Come on, we're leaving! Need to cut the cake, don't you think?"

"Yeah, we're coming", shouts Cas and his voice sounds even more hoarse than usual. He looks at Dean, who is just staring back.

"We should go", he says. Dean nods.

"Yeah".

They get up. Cas turns his back and starts waking towards the others, and he hears Dean coming behind him. He bites his lip and he stops walking.

He turns around. "Hey, Dean—"

But Dean has just answered his cell.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't hear it before. An old friend is having a birthday party".

"You don't know him!"

"It's just me and some old friends, _Jesus_! My brother's here with Jo and Anna, what are you even imagining?"

"No, you couldn't have come!"

"Do we really need to do this?"

Dean makes a tired gesture to Cas to move along. Cas gives him an encouraging smile, even though he feels like his face has turned to wood.

He turns his back and walks to Gabe and the others, feeling like he's left his insides back on that rock, along with his still full can of beer.


	6. Changes

_(A/N: I'm so, so sorry for taking this long to update! I've been on the job-hunt, and when I actually sat down to my computer, I was reading this epic, novel-length fic which you should definitely read. You'll find it on Livejournal and AO3 under the name Ugly Sweater! Verse. Destiel awesomeness, I tell you._

_Okay, about this chapter. It's long, it's angsty, it gets you closer to the ultimate purpose. _

_I tried to give off Lisa as a good person, because in my mind, she's pretty awesome, and I didn't want to make her look like the bad guy just because this is a Destiel fic. I don't know if I managed._

_Also, I'm probably going to change the rating from T to M, as well as the genre from Romance/Friendship to Romance/Angst. I think it's more appropriate. So if you're tracking the story by genre or rating, this is how you'll find it from now on.)_

_Anyway. Enjoy your chapter! Reviews are welcome, as always.)_

* * *

_**Chapter 6 - Changes**_

_Castiel_

Castiel wakes up with a blur in the place where his memories of last night should be. He looks around him and remembers vaguely Gabe bringing him to the motel. He clumsily rises on his elbows and clenches his teeth as he accidentally pulls some feathers. Damn his stupid habit of sleeping on his back.

He looks around the small space, sees Gabriel sleeping in the next bed and makes an effort not to laugh; Gabe is sleeping on his stomach, one arm hanging from the bed, along with half his head and the leg in the opposite side, drooling. Every now and then he snores quietly. His wings are hidden. Castiel never understood how the heck Gabriel could control them even in sleep; Gabe had once said they were working like a bladder, which made Aunt Rachel and Uncle Daniel's neck hairs rise. Cas surely gets jealous of his cousin during summer; several square feet of feathers do nothing good for the warm weather.

He gets up as quietly as possible and goes to check if there's any hot water in the shower while trying to remember what happened last night.

Yeah, it's all coming back…

He can recall his talk with Dean and how they were interrupted, and he remembers Dean fighting with his girlfriend Lisa over the phone. And then they got into the car, God knows how, luckily Anna and Jo are both small enough but still, six people? Cas remembers getting suddenly used to the taste of beer and drinking _a lot_, and there certainly was a cake being cut and a happy birthday song. He suddenly remembers throwing up somewhere behind his parents' house as they brought back Dean, Sam and Anna, and he feels like disappearing from the face of the Earth. Great. Getting drunk and throwing up like an idiot. That would give a good impression to his old friends.

He takes a shower and brushes his teeth several times, then comes back to the room, quietly puts on his shoes and hides his wings as he wears one of the T-shirts he sees Gabriel has taken with him in a bag. He takes his glasses and cell from the bedside table, checks his jeans pockets for his wallet and decides to go see if there's anything edible around there.

* * *

_Dean_

"For God's sake, Dean, it's noon already!"

"Ugh…"

"Come on, get up!"

"Sammy, I swear if you don't shut up, I'll punch you", Dean mutters angrily.

"You'll have to get up to punch me, so I win anyway".

Dean groans and covers his head with his pillow. Damn the throbbing in his head. This isn't one of his worst hangovers, he knows he'll be okay in a few hours, but still, until then… it sucks.

"Come _on_, Dean". Damn, Sam doesn't want to shut up.

"What's your problem, Sammy?" Dean groans. "Just lemme sleep. It's not like I got school or sumthin'".

"Lisa called", says Sam with a hint of hesitation, and Dean suddenly feels very awake.

"Say what now?"

"Sorry. She said she got worried yesterday and she wants to talk to you. Said she was coming over".

"When was that?"

"About half an hour ago. More or less as long as I've been trying to wake you".

"Shit".

Dean jumps from his bed unsteadily and runs to the shower. For some reason, he feels like he really, really needs to shower after last night. He gets out with his hair dripping and wears his boxers and jeans as he goes to the kitchen to make some strong coffee. He tries to remember yesterday night and frowns.

Sam appears at the door and leans against it. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm trying", croaks Dean. "What the hell happened last night?"

Sam gives him a snort-laugh. "You don't remember?"

"I do, I just want your point of view", Dean says sarcastically. "Why would I ask you if I did?"

Sam shakes his head and sits at the small kitchen table. "Basically, it was all a mess", he says. "Both you and Cas got pretty drunk after we cut the cake".

Dean frowns. "Cas got drunk?"

Sam raises an eyebrow. "You really don't remember, do you? You guys were practically fighting over the beers".

"_Cas?_ Drunk? _For real?_" Dean repeats and Sam rolls his eyes. "But the guy hadn't even _had_ beer until yesterday!"

"Well, that's probably why he ended up totally wasted after three cans", explains Sam. "You both went on, though. I really lost count after a while. We tried to stop you, but _you_ kept going on about Lisa and how you'd missed Gabe and Cas and stuff, while Cas just sulked in a corner. Man, what happened between you two?"

"What? Nothing happened. What should have happened?"

"I don't know. Did you fight again?"

"What? No!"

"Then why did you both end up drunk and miserable?"

"I've no idea", says Dean and he really means it. Damn, he tries to remember the exact conversation he had with Cas, but all he remembers is that it went pretty well. They talked, and they kinda opened their hearts in a pretty girly way that Dean isn't going to admit even in front of Cas himself, and they apologised, and Dean told Cas about how things with Lisa weren't going well, and then Cas said _something_ and Gabe interrupted them, and then Lisa called. Cas walked away, they cut the cake and then there was beer. That's it. Dean doesn't remember talking to Cas afterwards. So yeah, he's pretty sure they didn't fight.

"Oh, man", he groans. "Gabe must be so pissed. We ruined his birthday".

Sam just laughs. "Dean, it's _Gabe_ we're talking about. He laughed his ass off. I think you need to pay him to erase the pictures he took of you two".

Dean shakes his head. "That son of a bitch".

"Whatever, Dean", Sam says. "You should get ready before—"

The doorbell rings.

Dean groans. "Fuck. I haven't even finished my coffee".

Sam runs to open the door and Dean hears Lisa's voice as she greets his brother. He hears her footsteps bringing her closer to the kitchen and then… well, there she is, with a concerned look upon her face.

"'mornin'", greets Dean, raising slightly his cup of coffee.

"Hey", Lisa says and she comes closer. Dean isn't sure why, but for the first time, he feels like he's looking at a stranger.

Sam coughs. "Well, I'll be in my room", he announces awkwardly. "If you need me, bang at the door, I'll have headphones on. And I'll be reading a book. A big one. Okay. Leaving", and he runs up the stairs.

Dean is left alone with Lisa. They look at each other for a second – is that sadness or affection in Lisa's eyes? Or both?

"Do you wanna sit down?" she asks and makes an awkward gesture towards the living room. Dean shrugs and is vaguely aware of how much of a mess his house is. He decides he doesn't care. He sits on the couch and watches Lisa as she sits next to him – but not in a friendly distance, he notices, but more like they were stuck in some kind of a formal situation.

"So… what's up?" he asks her, and immediately knows it's wrong. Damn, he's still too dizzy to have a talk with his girlfriend. Lisa just sighs, though.

"You tell me, Dean", she says and looks at her hands on her knees. "I don't even know what's up with you lately".

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, but he knows what she means very well, and only asks because it seems politically correct. And maybe, because he doesn't have words for it and Lisa might beat him to that.

"What do you think?" Lisa asks, a little defensively. "It's been a couple of months now that you've been treating me like I'm a stranger. Yesterday night you didn't even call me to come with you. Did I do something wrong?"

Dean suddenly feels he's gonna be sick. He pressures himself to answer, though. "No. No, baby. Of course not. You didn't do anything. I already told you, yesterday night was just a… an old gang thing, you know. Sorry, but we wanted to be just the six of us, like the old times".

"Couldn't you at least let me know? We'd said something about going to the movies and you never even called".

Shit. "Oh. Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. Stuff happened", Dean says and he is very aware of how stupid that sounds. "I mean, Cas and Gabe came back yesterday afternoon, they hadn't told anyone about their arrival; they just appeared. I couldn't have known. And then I was so excited to see them again that I forgot".

Lisa sighs. "Understandable, but it seems you forget an awful lot lately, Dean", she says. "It's not just yesterday; it's like, two months now. What happened?"

Dean groans. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Can't we just have this talk another time? I'm pretty wasted right now".

"I can see that", comments Lisa. "Did you get drunk?"

"Yeah. Look, Gabe had brought beer, _we_ fought over the phone, and I was pretty bummed. I wasn't the only one. Cas got quite drunk, too. And he's like the last person on Earth to ever do that". Dean knows that he sounds like a kid in elementary school – _"I wasn't the only one talking, Miss! Why are you punishing just me?"_

"The point is, Dean, I hardly feel like I know you anymore!" Lisa exclaims and Dean, despite his heavy head, can make out the sadness in her voice. "Did it all start when you were kicked out of the team? I apologised for my behaviour back then, didn't I?"

"Look, I don't blame you", Dean starts.

"Then what is it?"

"It's not your fault", Dean murmurs and Lisa rolls her eyes.

"_Please_. Don't throw me that cliché. Are you seriously gonna the 'it's not you, it's me' road?" she asks, pissed.

Dean starts feeling pretty pissed himself. He has a bad hangover, he has almost no memory of last night, he's not fully sober yet and Lisa wants to talk relationships. And what's wrong with clichés in this case? If he really thinks _it is his fault_ for not being a good boyfriend to Lisa, what else should he say? Would she actually prefer him to _lie_ just to avoid the cliché?

"Look, what do you want me to say?" he asks. "I've got troubles of my own and I can't burden you with them".

Lisa's eyes shine dangerously. "Oh, you can't, can you? Why? Don't you trust me with your problems?"

"I never said that".

"Dean, I want to help you! But I can't do that if you don't let me!"

"_I can't burden you_, Lisa!"

"Don't you understand?" Lisa cries and Dean can see the starts of tears in her eyes. "You 'burden' me with them anyway, if you act like this around me. I want to help you carry whatever weight is in your heart right now. I _want _to help and you give me no chance".

Dean looks at her. He knows she means it. He knows that he has been acting weird around her for a couple of months now. He knows she's a great person, and a keeper, and that she's probably the best he can hope for around here.

It's just that he can't tell her what's wrong with him.

Not now, not ever.

He sighs. "I'm sorry, Lisa", he says quietly. "I've been a dick, I know. But I can't ask your help. It's not something you can help me with, anyway".

"Has it got to do something with your dad?" she asks, trying desperately to get something out of him. "Your family? Is it about school?"

"No. Look, let it go, okay?"

Lisa stays quiet for some moments.

"You know what", she says in the end, and her voice is barely audible. "I won't. If I let it go, it will be…" she takes a deep breath and tries to steady her voice. "I will let go of this entire thing".

Dean blinks. "What?"

"I can't do this, Dean", she says. "I can't pretend everything's okay, especially now that I _know_ it's not. So either you accept that I want to help you no matter what, either you push me away. The thing is… I can't stand being slowly but steadily pushed away. So if you don't want me around…" her voice breaks.

A part of Dean is pissed because he feels like she's emotionally blackmailing him. Another part wants to hug her and promise everything will be okay, and tell her everything about him and his recent discoveries about himself. And another part is somehow…

He doesn't want to think about this.

…relieved? Seriously?

He looks at her for several minutes. And then he decides he knows what he must do.

* * *

_Castiel_

"Good morning, Sunshine!"

Castiel shuts the motel room door behind him as he enters, finding Gabriel very awake and in a pretty good mood.

"Good morning to you too", he says. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long", says Gabe as he stretches in a pretty weird angle. His wings appear out of nowhere and he stretches them too; Cas is once more surprised at how Gabe can manage not to knock anything over when he does that. He guesses the control over one's wings is very relevant to the ability to hide them. He wishes he could do the same right now and not wait until they were home, and then he snaps out of it.

"I brought breakfast", he announces absentmindedly and gives Gabriel a bag of doughnuts of various flavours and a cup of sweet coffee. His cousin whistles excitedly.

"Wow, you're the best, Cassie", he says as he opens the bag.

"Don't mention it", says Castiel and he sits on his bed, removing the wrapping from his vegetable sandwich and placing his cup of orange juice to the bedside table.

"To be honest", starts Gabriel as he takes a bite from his doughnut and smiles blissfully, "I hadn't expected you to wake up so soon. I mean, you were pretty wasted last night".

Castiel tries not to blush, unsuccessfully. "I know".

"You look quite good, concerning you just had your first hangover", comments Gabe. "Shouldn't you drink some coffee?"

"No, thank you".

Gabe frowns theatrically. "Why aren't you suffering?"

Cas looks up. "Excuse me?"

"Cassie, you were drunk as fuck yesterday, and now you wake up early and bring me breakfast and you're acting as if nothing has happened? What's up with you? Why aren't you dizzy and grumpy and demanding the universe to be quiet around you?"

Castiel thinks about it and indeed, he has heard that this is how hangovers usually go. In the end, he just shrugs awkwardly. "I don't know. I'm just okay".

"What, no headache, no desire to kill anyone who SHOUTS?" asks Gabriel, yelling the last word for emphasis. Cas doesn't even blink at that.

"No, I don't think so".

Gabriel laughs. "Damn. I think we found your superpower, Cassie-boy".

Castiel tilts his head in confusion.

"You don't pay for it when you get drunk", explains Gabriel. "Boy, that's awesome. It would be more awesome if the praise was coming from a person who wasn't me and who could, you know, actually _get drunk_, but it's pretty cool. You can get drunk and voila! The next morning you're fine!"

Castiel just shakes his head. "I'm not sure that's entirely right".

"What else could it be?" asks Gabe, and Cas has to admit that his cousin looks genuinely excited.

"I don't know", he answers. "It's not a 'superpower' that I want, anyway".

Gabriel groans. "Holy shit, these modern kids. You're not satisfied with anything".

"It's a useless ability, Gabriel, and I don't even know if it comes from being an angel", says Cas and he's as surprised as Gabe for using his cousin's full name; he must really be in a worse mood than what he thought. "And even if it does, excuse me for not being excited. If I'm supposed to get a 'superpower', I would be content with a tiny bit of more control over my wings. It's been like an hour since I hid them and I'm already exhausted".

"Then let them out for a moment", suggests Gabe, ignoring Cas' rant. "Let them breathe. I can help you groom them, if you want. I think it's been a while".

"Thanks, but no thanks", says Cas and he goes back to his sandwich; he does take off his tee and lets his wings out, though, even if a bit shyly.

They stay in silence for a while.

"So", Gabe starts after he's done with his doughnuts. "What happened to you last night?"

Cas' wing tips twitch nervously and he curses them for it; as good as he is keeping his poker face, his wings are terrible in not reflecting his emotions. He clears his throat. "Well… I don't know. I'm sorry for ruining your party", he says, blushing slightly and avoiding Gabe's eyes, but Gabe just laughs.

"Please", he says, "I had _so _much fun. I hope next time you'll be more fun when drunk, but the pictures me and Jo took of you guys? Priceless".

"'Us guys'?"

"Dude, you and Dean were completely ridiculous after the first six pack", Gabe explains with a smirk. "For a moment I thought you'd try to fly somewhere away from the noise –and, b-t-w, drunk flying is something I deffo want to see you doing at some point – but Dean… Man, Dean kept going about stuff happening to him and making toasts about the good old times and shit, I mean… I should have taken a video".

"Oh", Cas can only say.

"You didn't answer me, though", Gabe goes on and Cas knows his cousin too well to know he's getting serious. "What happened to you last night?"

"Well", Cas starts and he clears his throat again, "you said so yourself. I… got drunk".

"I mean, what got you drunk?" Gabe insists. "You don't even like alcohol, so it's not that you got happy and overdid it. What bummed you enough to get you drunk?"

Cas blinks in surprise. "Nothing. What are you talking about?"

Gabe rolls his eyes. "Come on now, Cas. What was it? You were fine until we cut the cake. Were you overwhelmed by my twenty years of awesomeness?"

Castiel just snorts.

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing!" Cas insists and half-laughs awkwardly. "I mean, I don't know. I just didn't feel good, that's all".

"But why? You made up with Dean; you had your old friends around… Why were you upset?"

"I don't know, Gabe. Let it go, will you?"

"Nope".

"Gabe!"

"Whoa there, tiger. You're gonna pull someone's eye out. Put the wing back in place".

Cas takes a deep breath. Indeed, when he's angry his wings tend to flip out. He suddenly regrets not bringing with him the wing-binder he's made out of old belts, the one he's using in winter when he can hide his wings under his clothes. At least then he can keep them in control. Now he feels like a pigeon.

"Sorry", he murmurs as he folds his wings and wears his tee over them; at least now he'll have in his mind that sudden movement equals shirt ripping.

"So what was it?"

"For God's sake, Gabe!" Castiel looks at his cousin angrily.

"I'm just trying to help you, Cassie", says Gabriel, putting up his hands defensively. "You weren't _you_ last night. I'm just wondering if something happened. Did you fight with Dean again?"

"What? Why should I—"

"Because after you talked, you were both pretty bad and you ended up one rambling and the other throwing up".

"Well, Dean fought with his girlfriend over the phone, so it wasn't me that upset him", Cas says with a tone that hopes makes clear his intentions of stopping this conversation. Gabriel isn't that kind, though.

"So what was it that bummed _you_ out?"

Castiel bangs his empty cup on the bedside table, a gesture that would have been more frightening if it wasn't a Starbucks paper cup formerly full of orange juice.

"Will you stop?" he asks angrily.

"Nope", Gabriel responds honestly. "Not until I find out why you acted so unlike yourself on my birthday".

Damn. Gabriel knows how to make him feel guilty. Castiel sighs. "Well, I don't know", he starts. "I talked to Dean, and we opened our hearts, I daresay, and then… I don't know. I guess I realised I'm gonna get interrupted every time I'm gonna talk to him about something really, really serious. That's it".

Gabriel nods. "Talk to him about what?" he asks, and after a few seconds he grins. "Did you want to ask him out?"

If Castiel was drinking something, he'd have spit it all over the place. "_What?"_

"Just asking".

"Gabe, Dean's _my best friend_", Cas reminds him and then he realises he put the emphasis on the wrong subject. "And why would you think that I'd ask a guy out?"

Gabriel just shrugs. "Nothing wrong with asking a guy out".

"Gabe, I'm _not interested_! How many times—"

"Okay, okay", Gabe gives in. "So what is that really serious thing you wanted to talk to Dean about?"

Castiel knows he's blushing, and he wishes that he'd disappear on the spot. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, if it's so bad it makes you miserable", says Gabriel. "What is it?"

"Well…" Castiel decides to go for it, quickly like taking off a band aid. "It's just that it's the second time I want to tell Dean everything and I get interrupted by his current girlfriend, okay? It kinda gets to a person".

Gabriel blinks, then stays still for a second, then opens his mouth and closes it again, then lifts a questioning forefinger and opens his mouth again, then shakes his head like to clear his mind from the phrase he just heard.

"Excuse me", he starts slowly, "when you say, 'tell Dean everything'…?"

Castiel sighs. "I know it's stupid and I probably shouldn't do it. But I want to tell him".

"Tell him about what?"

"About _this_", Cas says, moving his wingtips slightly, "about me. About our family. About _everything_".

Gabriel looks at Cas, still confused. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious, Gabe".

"You're gonna tell _Dean_… a _human being_… your freaking _childhood best friend_… that you've got a _feathered family_?"

Castiel sighs. "That's the general idea, yes".

"_Why?"_

"Because I can't keep any more secrets from him, Gabe!" Castiel explodes. "Doesn't it bother you that our entire relationship with our friends is based on a lie?"

Gabe makes a "pft" noise. "That's ridiculous. They know exactly who we are".

"They don't even know_ what_ we are", Castiel insists. "My biggest problem when I was a kid was stuck on my shoulder blades and my best friends didn't even know. They thought I was grumpy because I was teased by the other kids, when in reality I grew up to be completely introverted because I couldn't afford meeting new people! Tell me exactly how I can have a proper relationship with someone who isn't the same species as me".

"None of us can have—"

"_You_ can!" Castiel interrupts Gabe. "Everyone but me can! It's all easy for you, Gabe. You have all these amazing powers and you're enjoying it, and don't get me wrong; you should enjoy it and I'm really happy for you. But it doesn't change the fact that I can't hide my wings for long. Sooner or later, we both know I'll somehow be exposed and then I'm done for. If I ever have to disappear because of my inability to camouflage myself, I want at least my friends to know why".

Castiel tries to slow down his breathing as Gabriel seems to think about it. Cas' heart beats loudly against his chest, and he has the impression that with every beat, that little muscle of his destroys a small part of a heavy black wall that's been sitting on his chest for ages.

Gabriel finally talks. "I thought you'd accepted your wings, Cas. You said you were okay. You've been saying you're okay for years".

"I've accepted them; that doesn't mean I like the situation".

"Do you think that Dean could handle it?"

"Do _you_ think he couldn't?"

Gabriel stays silent again. Cas is surprised at how serious his cousin is right now. He'd expected him to make jokes or, generally, be his usual self. Huh. It seems Gabe has some sense after all. He scratches his chin.

"Wait a minute", he says in the end. "You said it's the second time you tried to tell him and you were interrupted by his girlfriend".

Cas shifts in his place. "Yes".

"When was the first time?"

Castiel realises there's no going back now. "Six years ago. The last time we saw each other".

"Wait—" Gabriel frowns. "You were planning to drop the bomb and ditch him?"

"No, of course not". Cas takes a deep breath. "If you really have to know, I wasn't planning on leaving at all".

Gabe blinks. "What?"

"I wasn't planning on leaving". Cas tries to calm himself. He had never planned to tell Gabe all this. "That evening, when I was down and you came and cheered me up, I went to Dean's house with telling him everything in mind".

"Oh, _God_", Gabe exclaims. "What made you change your mind and _leave_, for God's sake?"

"Well, we started talking", Cas goes on with his story and he realises his voice is trembling a little, "and he started telling me about that girl he kissed, and that they were probably dating now, and I don't know… I just… I don't know. Over the years, I don't know what got into me. I told him I was leaving instead of what I intended to. I've thought about it again and again and I can't give it a proper explanation. I guess it's because I knew even back then that I could never have what Dean had so easily, maybe it was because I freaked out that things were suddenly changing and we were growing up. I really don't know".

Castiel can't decipher Gabriel's expression for the life of his. His cousin just sits there, his legs crossed in the ankles, one hand covering his mouth, his eyes fixed on a spot next to Cas. Castiel realises all four of Gabe's wings are shaking ever so slightly, which is definitely weird; Gabe's wings never react to his emotions.

"So let me get this straight", Gabe starts, "or… whatever. You freaked out about _things changing_, so you took them in your hands and brought them upside down?"

"I told you, I don't know what got into me", Cas repeats, the discomfort in his voice almost solid.

"So: you wanna tell our Dean-o you're an angel, Dean tells you he's got a new girlfriend instead, and you suddenly decide you want to leave and not come back for _six years_?"

Castiel blinks. "You make it sound ridiculous".

"But _that's what happened_", Gabriel insists and Castiel could swear it's excitement on his cousin's faces. "You know what that's called? Jealousy".

"What?"

"You got_ jealous_. Best friend suddenly has something else to give his attention to, other best friend is socially awkward, boom! Jealousy".

"Gabe—"

"No, no, no, you don't get it", Gabriel interrupts him. "It's normal. It happens to every best friend in history. What's _not_ normal is this… Every_ other_ best friend in history just keeps his distance for a while, or acts like a dick towards the' mated' best friend, or something similar. What nobody does is _move a state away_".

"What are you saying?" Castiel asks, his brain already tired.

Gabriel thinks for some moments. "Yesterday night", he says suddenly. "You said you were interrupted by Dean's girlfriend, right?"

"Yes", Cas says wearily. "We were talking, and she called, and—"

"No, that's not right", Gabe says. "You were talking, and _I_ interrupted you to cut the cake".

Castiel frowns. "No, Dean's phone—"

"…rang _right after_ I interrupted", Gabriel finishes Cas' sentence. "So why are you mad at his girlfriend, when you should be mad at _me_?"

"I'm—" Castiel hesitates. "I'm not mad at Dean's girlfriend".

"But you're blaming _her_ for not being able to talk to Dean", Gabriel insists, his voice still shaking with Castiel, in his annoyance, recognises as excitement.

"Well, she did ruin Dean's mood, and yes, if it wasn't for her call, maybe we could have kept on talking", he admits.

"No, you couldn't; because you got drunk. Dean wouldn't have gotten so bummed out, but _you_ would have gotten drunk anyway", Gabriel says with an expression that makes Cas think his cousin will soon get a magnifying glass, a pipe and a deer-hunting hat out of his pocket.

"Why would I do that?" he just asks.

"Because _Dean has a girlfriend_", Gabe says like it's the final page of the crime novel. Castiel waits for a moment, just in case Gabe goes on.

"What are you even talking about?"

"Oh my freaking God in Heaven and every other possible dimension!" Gabe exclaims and claps his hands a couple of times as he laughs. "Sweet Jesus, why didn't I see this earlier?"

"Gabe!" Castiel insists. "What the—"

"You really haven't realised, have you?"

"Realise _what_?"

"_You're totally in love with Dean_".

Castiel looks at the honest amusement in Gabe's eyes for a second and then chuckles nervously. "That's ridiculous".

"Oh my God!" Gabe exclaims. "Think about it! Six years ago you freaked out about the possibility of Dean having a girlfriend; so much that you left to get away from your feelings. You didn't want to come back because seeing Dean would bring everything back, even if you didn't know what it meant. You met him and you were like, _melting_ when you saw him. And when you tried to tell him your biggest secret and he couldn't keep talking to you because of his current girl, you were so disappointed you got completely drunk! It's not because you fought with Dean, no, of course not. It's because _it went so well_, Dean even has troubles with her, and you came so close again, and yet Dean is still with her. _That's_ why you're in this terrible mood. You're freaking _lovesick_".

Cas realises his jaw has dropped. "Gabe—"

"Gosh, I'm so freaking awesome I wanna hug me", Gabe says. "Oh, wait—" and his wings wrap around him. "Ah, that's the stuff". He lets himself free soon enough; the heat's too much. He looks back at Cas. "So?"

"That's a great deduction, Gabe", Castiel croaks, "but I'm sorry to disappoint you: it's not true".

"Why not?" asks Gabe, with the look of a kid denied access to a pastry shop.

"Because it's _ridiculous_!" Cas says. "Dean's my best friend! He's straight and he has a girlfriend, and I'm just not interested in him… that way. Okay? Jesus. Are you trying to turn me gay or something?"

Gabriel snorts. "And I thought I was the ridiculous one".

"Then am I giving away gay vibes?" asks Cas desperately. "Because ever since I was eleven, you've been betting on me getting a boyfriend! I've been worried about being gay ever since I was a kid because of you!"

"Hey, hey", Gabriel protests. "What's wrong with being gay?"

"Nothing, if you're a normal person and you don't have my issues!"

"Cas, calm down", Gabriel says and laughs awkwardly. "Look, the old times… okay, I liked boys as well as girls since I was thirteen, so I was joking around back then. But now, come on, this Dean thing… it's freaking obvious. You've got to be blind not to see it. Plus, you've never, _ever_ shown interest in any girl, even on TV. So I thought—"

"No", Castiel murmurs. "You're wrong. I'm not—I can't be in love with Dean, Gabe".

"Why not?"

"Because I can't deal with it!" Cas explodes. "It's too much! Gay people aren't exactly this society's favourites and I've been scared of being one for years!"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with—"

"Oh my God, Gabe! Are you even listening to me? I can't deal with this!" Cas is practically yelling right now. "I've been dreading this moment my entire life! That bet list might have been fun, but it was also the worst thing you've ever come up with!"

"Now, now, it's not the list's fault! I just have insight", Gabriel protests. Castiel just groans.

"If it wasn't for it, I would never have thought about such things", Cas insists, almost shouting. "It's bad enough being an earthbound angel; it's bad enough being considered a weirdo even by angel standards. Did I _have_ to be gay as well? I mean, _do I even represent a minority or is it just me out there_?"

Cas freezes, realising what he's just said. Gabe isn't sure if he should smile, but he does anyway.

"Oh my God", Castiel mutters.

"Cas?" Gabriel says Cas' name quietly as he approaches his bed. Castiel doesn't speak. Gabriel grabs him from the shoulder and shakes him lightly.

"Castiel? Hey, buddy. Talk to me".

The sound of Cas' full name makes him shake his head like he just woke up. Without looking at Gabe, he finds his wallet in his pocket, takes out five dollars and hands them to Gabe.

Gabe just chuckles and gives the money back.

"Give that back to me when you get a boyfriend, Cassie-boy. No cheating this time".

All Castiel can do is smile.


	7. And At Last I See the Light

_(A/N: fun fact for everyone who hasn't noticed: Gabriel's surname comes from another favourite "angel" of mine, Warren Worthington III. He's my favourite of the X-Men and I couldn't stop myself from giving him a small tribute._

_Also, the reference to Balthazar is for Usagi. I hadn't thought about putting him in, to be honest, but you gave me some awesome ideas. Thank you! :D_

_Chapter title taken from a Tangled song, because I can :P_

_I hope this chapter turned out nice, people ^^)_

_**Chapter 7 – And At Last I See the Light**_

_Dean_

It's been three days since Gabriel's birthday and two days since Dean's breakup with Lisa, and Dean can confidently say that he really enjoys sulking inside the house. He doesn't want to go out nor have friends visit him, and the fact that he feels guilty for not seeing Cas and Gabe now that they're here makes him sulk even more.

On the fourth day since Cas and Gabe's arrival, he agrees to go out with the entire gang, hoping to spend some time with his old pals, at least. He finds out with great disappointment that Cas isn't there. Gabriel explains it's for a good reason, and announces that he and Cas have started looking for an apartment to stay in permanently, so Cas went to check out one. Dean, despite his general bad mood, gets as excited as Sam, Anna and Jo. He promises to help with the moving when it's time.

On the fifth day, Lisa calls. She asks whether they should get back together, maybe they're both being stupid. Dean listens to her for a long time, and he feels really bad about it, but he insists on them staying broken up and keeping their distance. He doesn't fail to notice that none of his "friends" from the football team have called to go out and grab a beer or something. The fact that he has indeed been spending his time with the wrong people makes him really wish that he'd run after Cas and Gabe when they left; he takes his dad's – no, _his_ car – and goes for a long ride to stay alone with his thoughts.

On the sixth day, he learns from Sam that Gabe is looking for a job as well as an apartment, and that Cas declined an offer from his parents to come live with them again. He also learns about Gabe's huge fight with his folks when he went to visit. He wonders if he should call and meet with Gabe, but he calls Cas instead; in Dean's disappointment, he doesn't answer his phone. So Dean decides to spend this evening on the road as like yesterday.

On the hit of one week from Cas and Gabe's arrival, Dean gets an excited phone call from Gabriel. It seems the lucky bastard has managed to find a job in a coffee house about ten minutes' walk from Dean's place; on top of that, the owner has some studio apartments to rent above the shop, so one of them is now officially Cas and Gabe's. Gabe says that he'll drive Uncle Luke's car back to Missouri and then come back with the stuff he and Cas have left behind so he'll be away for some days; he demands they hold a housewarming party right after he's back and the place is ready. Dean is definitely in; at least it will take his mind off things. He decides that if his friends can make a new start, he can snap out of his depression period; he ends up watching Star Wars Episode IV in his computer with headphones on, eating a family pizza, while Sam and Jo are playing Jungle Speed in the next room, having given up on him. Cas and Anna didn't come over; they are spending the evening with their parents, probably making up for the lost time.

On day eight, Dean wakes up determined to have a nice day. Okay, he broke up with Lisa and he can't talk to his family or friends about his sexual identity. Could be worse. He still knows his friends like him for what they see, and he decides to take a first shot with Sam. He waits until he comes back from wherever the hell he was until this late in the afternoon and takes him aside.

"Hey, Sammy. Where've you been?"

Sam kicks his shoes off. "Ellen wanted some help at the bar, so Jo and I went to help. Anna said she wanted to come, too, but it seems she's taking care of Cas".

"What?" Dean sounds more concerned than he expected. "What happened to him?"

"He's a little sick. Seems he caught a cold or something", shrugs Sam.

"Oh, come on", says Dean. "It's like 90 degrees outside".

"Well, he's got a fever anyway", says Sam. "Maybe you should drop by and say hi".

"Yeah, maybe", murmurs Dean absentmindedly. He suddenly feels like his soaked in cold sweat. "Look, Sammy… there's something I wanna talk to you about. Do you have a little free time?"

"If_ you_ cook afterwards, then yeah, sure".

"Okay", Dean agrees, remembering the rice in a bag and the canned sweet vegetable sauce in the drawer. He sits at the kitchen table and watches as Sam sits in the next chair.

"So what is it?" asks Sam. Dean takes a deep breath.

"Look, this is important to me. If you laugh, I'll kick your butt. Okay?"

* * *

_Castiel_

"Do you need anything?"

"For the hundredth time, mum, no. I'm okay. Thank you".

"Anna's worried, you know".

"She shouldn't be".

"Do you want a hot chocolate? Or chamomile?"

"It's _90 degrees_ outside!"

"Not if you're feverish".

"I'm not".

"Castiel, you're _burning _in fever. Just take advantage of the fact that there are people taking care of you while your cousin's gone, okay?"

"…"

"What was that?"

"…nothing. Thanks".

"And please hide those wings, dear".

"_Yes_, mum".

Castiel shuts the door of his old room and fights very hard with himself not to scream into his pillow. He really shouldn't have told Anna that he wasn't feeling well; as soon as she heard, she told the first people she thought could help while Gabriel was away: their parents. His mother, of course, trying to make up for six years of absence from her son's life, took him in at once, making his old room ready and everything, "until Gabriel gets back".

Damn. He really shouldn't get angry. His breathing, heavy enough already, now becomes far worse. He tries to keep calm, unsuccessfully. His mother doesn't even listen to his objections when she decides he's her little baby again, and refuses to accept that no, he doesn't have a fever, he just feels _weird_. Yes, his skin is burning and his insides are boiling and his breathing is fast and heavy, but he knows he's not ill. He can't explain it; he just _knows_.

Sighing, he sits on the bed and looks around, bored out of his mind. He tries to find a comfortable place with no success. He wraps himself with a blanket to ease his occasional shivering and then throws it aside. He drinks some cold water to ease the fire in his guts and feels even worse. He opens his copy of the Never-ending Story just to take his mind off his annoying condition, but the weird sensations don't let him concentrate. In the end, he tiptoes to the bathroom, puts his wings under the shower, comes back to bed and wraps himself with them; afterwards, he covers himself completely with a blanket that had stayed in the sun too long and is burning hot at the moment. He then sits beside his round window and opens his book again, a little calmer this time.

Every now and then, he glances across the street. The curtains are shut. He feels his heartbeat rising and shakes his head to get rid of the unwanted feelings. Ever since Gabriel dag up his feelings for Dean, Castiel hasn't brought himself to meet his old friend. Gabe has been pushing him to go for it, _"it's the perfect chance now that Dean is single again",_ but Cas knows there's no chance he'd ever "go for it". If anything, he feels like an idiot for being the cliché gay dude with the crush on his straight friend. It does feel good to give a name to six years of weird feelings, but still; Castiel's nothing if not a realist, and he knows all he needs to do is get over it.

He snorts at himself as he realises he's scanning through the paragraphs without actually reading them. Yeah, as if staying away from Dean would do the trick. He saw how that went last time. No, maybe he should just look somewhere else. He pushes himself to think of possible people he could like instead of Dean. Well, the head-waiter at the coffee house Gabe will be working from Monday on, Balthazar… he seemed like a nice guy. Gabe also bet his head that he's gay, too. Castiel tries to imagine himself with Balthazar and… no.

No. He can't do it.

He realises he's been scanning through the pages again, and angrily goes back to the moment of Atreyu in the swamp. Great. As if he wasn't feeling bad enough already.

He keeps reading, hoping that Artax won't stay behind this time.

* * *

_Dean_

"Sammy?"

Dean feels the sweat running on his temple. Dammit. This was a terrible idea. He shouldn't have told Sam. Not ever. God, now he's ruined. Can he, maybe, tell Sam it was a joke?

Holy crap. Sam opens his mouth. That's it. The rejection's coming. He's gonna be disgusted for sure. He—

"You're an idiot, Dean".

Dean just stares at Sam. "Excuse me?"

Sam sighs. "You're such an idiot. You seriously got me worried for a moment there. _That's_ what you wanted to tell me? That you're bi? _Seriously?_"

Dean realises his jaw is hovering. "Wait, what?"

"I don't even get why you thought it was such a big deal", says Sam, irritated. "When you tell someone 'there's something I need to tell you', he starts imagining crazy stuff. You got me worried as hell, and all because you wanted to tell me there's just another thing that can make you happy? _Jesus_. Don't ever do that again".

"So, wait a sec", starts Dean, "you're… okay with this, right?"

Sam just snorts. "You're an idiot", he repeats. "As if I wouldn't be. Don't _insult_ me".

Dean is far too surprised to speak properly. "Um… thanks. I guess".

"Don't be ridiculous", Sam says and gets up. "So are you coming?"

Dean looks at him questioningly. "Coming where?"

"Jo and I are going to the movies. They're showing a Monty Python film tonight".

"Nah, I think I'll pass", says Dean and gets up as well.

"Please don't spend your night playing video games", says Sam with a pleading tone.

"I don't think I will", says Dean absentmindedly. "I'll find something better to do. You have fun, okay?"

"Don't worry about it".

Dean watches as his little brother gets ready to go and he can hardly believe he's only thirteen. Damn, he shouldn't be surprised at how awesome Sammy is. He just smiles and starts going upstairs, but in the middle of the steps he turns around.

"Hey, Sam?"

Sam looks up. "Yeah?"

Dean gives him the thumbs-up. "Thanks, man".

Sammy just chuckles. "Shut up, you jerk".

"I won't", Dean assures him. "Bitch".

He turns his back at his brother's crooked smile and runs up the stairs before the situation becomes too girly for him to handle. He hears the front door closing as he sits in front of his computer and leans back on his chair.

He stays there for a while, his mind blank. He suddenly realises how alone he is inside the house and for the first time in two months he wonders whether his father is doing well. They last talked about three weeks ago, when John was in New York, tracking down an old Bentley. Dean sighs and realises the room has gotten darker. He gets up and pulls the curtains open.

In his surprise, he sees the curtains open in the opposite window. Yeah, there's no doubt, that's Cas reading over there. Damn, he does look sick. Just how many blankets does he have on him? He looks like a freaking reading hill.

Dean is vaguely aware of the fact that he should probably act more behaved, now that he's almost an adult, but he doesn't really think clearly at the moment; for some reason, the sight of Cas at the window fills him with a warm, fuzzy feeling. He pulls out the bottom drawer in his cupboard, searches for a while and then his fingers wrap around a familiar shape: an old rubber ball. He goes to the window, aims and throws the ball at the road in the right angle, all with practiced ease. The ball bounces off the street and hits Cas' window; Dean watches as his friend jumps and almost drops his book in surprise. His eyes meet Dean's, and suddenly Dean feels really happy. He waves as he uses his other hand to catch the ball that bounces back.

Castiel smiles. Dean sees him mouthing "_what?"_

Dean points at Cas and mimics shivering under blankets and checking his temperature, and makes a small swirling questioning gesture with his hand.

Cas shrugs and gives Dean an indifferent thumbs-up. Then he points at Dean, making the same questioning gesture as him.

Dean gives a more enthusiastic thumbs up and a wink. He then points at himself, then Cas, and pretends to drive a car; then he points down at the Impala.

Cas seems to think about it. He looks at his bedroom door as if somebody's gonna come and surprise him, and then looks back at Dean and nods. Dean can't hold back his smile. He gives Cas another thumbs-up.

Cas lifts a finger in the air and mouths "_give me one hour_", then he points at the Impala and moves his palm at a suggestion of them going somewhere away from here.

Dean winks and taps his wrist as if to remind Cas that time is ticking, and makes a shooing gesture. Cas nods, wraps himself tighter in his blanket and shuts the curtains.

Dean stands still in front of his window for a while, feeling unreasonably happy. He snaps out of it soon; of course he's happy. It's time he and his _best friend, _he reminds himself, had some proper time to themselves. Especially since Cas is sick, it's Dean's duty to make him feel better. A plan starts to form inside his head.

He runs quickly and takes a shower, more thoroughly than usually. He dries his hair and, for once, looks for a pair of boxers in the pile that he had actually ironed about a week ago. He wears his black jeans, a dark green tee and his old army boots. For some reason he's not entirely sure of, he checks himself in the mirror. He thinks about changing his T-shirt because he got it several years ago and, while it's in a good condition, it's too tight on his shoulders and pecks, but he decides it's not that bad; plus, he likes the contrast between the dark green and the golden-copper of his amulet.

He looks at his watch and sees he still has half an hour in front of him. He makes sure everything's in his pockets, cell, wallet, keys, and leaves the house as quickly as possible.

* * *

_Castiel_

The cold water running on Castiel's burning skin doesn't do much work to make him feel better, but he doesn't dare imagine what will happen if he just leaves it alone. In the end, he just gives up and walks out of the shower. He hopes his wings will remain wet and cool in the secret dimension they're about to be sent to.

Castiel is tempted to call Gabe and ask for help. He's definitely panicking. Okay, he needs to keep his cool. For all Dean knows, this is just a dudes' night out. Cas is stupid to even think anything different, because he knows it's just not there. Even so, having made the realisation of just how much he likes Dean, it takes a real effort to think about what he would do any other time.

He decides not to take care of himself just in case Dean can smell gay interest, so he doesn't even try to comb his hair. He wears a pair of worn out dark jeans and his black Converse shoes. He thinks about it for a moment and then soaks a black T-shirt in cold water. He hides his wings with what he thought was even bigger effort than usual – good, he will have something to keep his mind on – and wears the T-shirt and a huge blue zipper hoodie that used to be his father's.

He looks at himself in the mirror. Yeap, he's nerdy and casual. Perfect.

He takes a deep breath. Damn, his wings are just not cooperating today. They feel like they want to come out every moment. Cas tries to steady his breathing.

He places some pillows and blankets underneath the covers and turns out the lights; night-time is already close. He gets his head out of the door and shouts: "Goodnight! I'm gonna go to sleep now". He waits for the answers, goes back in and locks his door, just in case. He opens the window, covers his palms with his sleeves and, carefully, places his limbs on either side of the pipe and slides down. He looks around and runs towards Dean's Impala, hiding behind it so he can't be seen from home.

He realises what he's just done and decides he doesn't care.

"Cas?"

Castiel turns around suddenly, only to see Dean staring at him with a confused look on his face and two plastic bags in his hands. Castiel makes a gesture that suggests that Dean should hide too. Dean obeys.

"What happened?" he whispers.

Castiel doesn't believe he's gonna say these words. "I sneaked out".

The amusement is crystal clear in Dean's eyes – and oh, God, why did he have to wear this shirt? It's making it look like his irises are made of emeralds. "You did what?" he asks.

"Look, they won't leave me alone, they think I'm too sick to move and I wanted to go out, so here I am", Castiel says in a hurry. "So I don't know what you have in mind, but _please_ let's get out of here before they see me".

Dean nods. "Get in the car".

Castiel nods back and follows Dean inside the Impala. Dean half-throws the bags in the back seat and starts driving.

Castiel realises that he feels very comfortable. He glances at Dean, who glances back and smiles. Cas feels like he's on fire again.

"Um… do you mind if I open the window?" he asks.

"Not at all".

Castiel opens it and feels grateful for the summer breeze that comes through. He glances back at Dean and decides they need to start talking.

"So what's up with you?" asks Dean before Cas manages to open his mouth.

Castiel shrugs. "Nothing important, I guess. My folks just seem to think I'm sick. I'm feeling weird alright, but I don't think I'm actually ill, so I don't think I'm contagious or anything".

Dean laughs. "I only asked to see how you were, man. I'm not worried I'm gonna catch anything".

"Oh". Cas is not going to blush. Definitely not. He clears his throat. "So where are we heading to?"

Dean smiles. "You'll see".

Castiel has to use all the amount of self-control he has so that he doesn't let his wings out to flutter freely. "Sounds like you've got plans", he comments, knowing how stupid he sounds.

"I just thought I'd cheer you up a little, man", Dean says. "By the way, I heard about Gabe's job and everything. You guys must be pretty excited".

"Yeah, I guess", says Castiel and chuckles. "To be honest, I was as surprised as you to find out I was moving back to Lawrence. Gabe had planned it all out, but he hadn't told me about it. I was happy to come back, though. Even though I'm gonna miss Uncle Luke".

"He sounds like a cool guy".

"He is a cool guy".

"I can't wait to meet him".

"I'm sure you will".

Castiel realises they're making small-talk. He curses himself and his crush. He takes a look out the window and realises they're leaving town. It's starting to get really dark.

"Dean?"

"Yes, Cas?"

"Are you taking me somewhere to murder me and take my organs?" he asks with that half-smile of his.

Dean laughs. "Haven't you ever gone outside the town just to clear your mind? Look, you'll like it, okay? Just trust me on this".

How can Cas refuse? He settles in his seat as they drive quietly, but not entirely awkwardly, for about ten more minutes. Finally, Dean pulls over in an empty space next to the road. There are some trees, and dry dirt, and it smells like nature. There are no lights around but the headlights of the Impala. Dean turns off the engine.

"Here we are", he says and looks at Cas.

"What are we doing here?" Castiel asks.

"Get out and I'll tell you".

Castiel obeys. He has to admit, the place looks pretty nice. There aren't many cars passing by so it's pretty quiet. Dean brings out the plastic bags and puts them on the hood of the car. Then he climbs at the front of the car and then at the hood and gives Cas his hand so he can follow. Cas climbs next to him with a half-smile. Dean opens the plastic bags.

"I couldn't bring beer", he says, "but I remembered you used to like orange juice and I got some. Just in case, I brought some coke too".

Castiel's chest feels like it's about to explode. "Dean", he mutters. "You didn't have to bring anything".

"Shut up, it's not a proper hanging out night if there isn't some kind of drinks around", Dean says, he opens an orangeade can and hands it to Cas.

"You know best", says Castiel and watches as Dean opens a can of coke. They cling their drinks with a laugh followed by a dull aluminium sound and they drink.

"So", Cas says awkwardly after a moment, "I… I heard about you and your girlfriend". Gosh, why did he have to say it?

Dean nods slowly. "What did you hear?"

"Well…" too late to go back. "Gabe told me you broke up".

"Yeah".

"I'm sorry". No, he's not.

Dean shrugs. "Don't be. The whole thing had an expiration date from the start".

"Still. It made you sad, so I'm sorry about that". Huh. It seems Cas is not even lying at this point. At least he's grateful the darkness is hiding his blushing.

"You know what…" Dean starts. "It didn't make me as sad as I'd think".

"Oh?"

"Yeah". Dean hesitates. "I guess for me, the whole thing had ended long ago".

Castiel doesn't really know what to say about that. "At least you will be in a better mood in the next birthday we'll celebrate", he says, and he's started to feel like his IQ is dropping with every passing second.

Dean nods absentmindedly and then looks at him with a look Castiel can't decipher for the life of his. "Now that you mentioned it…" Dean says, "we never finished what we were talking about that last time".

Cas averts his eyes. "Does it really matter?"

"Well, it seemed to matter to you", says Dean. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not the touchy-feely kind of guy, but come on, you're… you're my best pal, right? Gotta be there for you".

Castiel shakes his head. "Just forget about it. I was drunk".

Dean frowns. "No, you weren't. Not yet".

Castiel doesn't answer. Dammit. This was supposed to be fun. Why do they have to bring feelings into this? He's not in a condition to fight both his feelings for Dean and his inexplicable disobedience of his body. And why would Dean want to talk feelings anyway?

"Cas?"

Castiel sighs. "Why can't we just enjoy this nice place, Dean?" he asks. "Why do we have to dig into stuff?"

Dean looks at his can like it's the most interesting thing in the world. "Sorry".

Castiel suddenly feels guilty. "No, don't be", he mutters and lies back on the hood, looking at the slowly appearing stars. "I'm just too secretive, that's all".

"I just wish you hadn't mentioned 'your life being a secret'. It makes me worried about you, man".

"Forget about it, it's nothing that should concern you", mutters Castiel. "I just get a little tired sometimes. It's nothing evil, or… well. It's nothing, really. Sorry to make you worried".

Dean leans back and supports his weight on his elbows. "It's okay".

"I'm sorry", mutters Cas. "I wish it was that easy as asking me what the secret is". He hopes Dean didn't hear it.

They stay silent for a while.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean says quietly, like he doesn't want to disturb the peace.

"M-hmm".

"What's the secret?" he whispers.

Castiel turns his head towards Dean, but doesn't answer for a moment. He feels the corners of his mouth forming an affectionate smile. "Why do you want to know so badly?"

Dean takes a while to answer. "Because you're… my friend", he answers in the end. "You're important to me; I care for you, man. When you mentioned it… it seemed like it was killing you. I thought you might need to talk about it".

Castiel looks back at the sky. "I can't tell you, Dean", he murmurs. "You're not ready".

"Why not?" Dean asks. "Don't you trust me?"

"…I do".

"Then tell me".

Castiel does his best not to start shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"Well?"

Cas sits up and swallows the knot in his throat. "Well…" he starts and he's aware of how croaky his voice sounds. "I'm not… I'm not who you think I am".

Dean frowns. "What do you mean?"

Oh God, this is difficult. "I mean… no, not _'who'_. I'm not _what_ you think I am. You know _who_ I am. You know _me_. You just don't know… _what _I am". He sighs. "I'm too strange, Dean".

Dean looks at him for a moment. "Are you gay?"

That catches Castiel off guard. "What?"

"Is this what you're trying to tell me?"

Of course. Cas almost forgets he has too many things he needs to come out as. He decides this one's better. "Yeah", he says.

Dean laughs quietly. "Is that all?" he asks gently. "You like dudes? Big deal. There's no reason to get bummed about it".

Castiel frowns. "Well, it's not _just_ that", he says. "But yes. I think I'm gay".

"Wow", says Dean. "Fast realisation. Last week we were talking about you not having found the perfect girl yet. How did you find out?"

Castiel is pretty sure he'll never look at Dean's eyes again. "Well… I guess I realised I have a crush on someone. No big deal, I guess. It'll go away".

Dean stays silent for a second. "No, it won't", he says in a low voice.

Castiel looks at him. "What?"

Dean stares back at him. "It won't go away", he insists. "You were talking about how you never wanted anyone because they weren't perfect for you and you couldn't have an awesome relationship with them. _You_ don't get crushes. _You_ fall in love".

Castiel looks at his hands. "Maybe", he mutters.

"I still think it's awesome", says Dean, lying back and staring at the stars. "He's a lucky guy, that 'crush' of yours", he comments and Castiel looks at him.

"Why?"

"Because". He pauses. "Because I'm sure you'll make him feel special. I mean, it sounds funny, but everyone needs that. And I know you'll be a perfect boyfriend for that guy".

Castiel chuckles bitterly. "He doesn't even know, Dean".

"You'd better let him know, then". They can barely hear each other now. Castiel shakes his head.

"I don't think I ever will. He's far too important to me to ruin his life by forcing my feelings on him", he answers.

"I don't think these feelings can ruin anyone's life, Cas".

"They can, if you're straight", Cas observes and he wishes his general second person use was clear enough not to give him away.

Dean stays silent for a while. "Has he told you he's straight?"

Castiel is sure that his heart will soon jump out of his chest. "No", he says and he knows the knot in his throat is clear in the sound of his voice. "He has – he _had_ a girlfriend, though".

"That doesn't prove anything", murmurs Dean. "He could be experimenting. Or thinking he liked girls. Or he could be bi. Or he could…" he takes a deep breath. "Or he could just have broken up with his girlfriend because he could never tell her he liked dudes, too, and he might be freaked out about realising that liking you was the last straw that made him finally get out of a relationship that ruined him".

Castiel tries to remain calm, but he's sure his blood is boiling and racing faster than the speed of light. "Or you could be wrong", he mutters, "and he just sees me as a friend".

"That couldn't happen", says Dean and he raises himself up, staring at Cas.

"Why?" Cas lifts himself up, too, unable to take his eyes away from Dean's.

"Because you said it yourself", says Dean. "You said you'd need to feel that the other person has the same feelings for you so you could actually want them, right? So how could you fall for someone who doesn't feel the same?"

Castiel knows he will have to either let his wings free to let go of the tension, or his mind; he chooses the latter. "You're not in love with me, Dean", he says.

Dean blinks. "No", he agrees. "Not yet".

And he suddenly presses a quick kiss to Castiel's lips and draws back with a crooked smile. "But this is a good place to start, don't you think?"

Cas feels like his heart has stopped. "Dean—" he manages to mutter.

"Enough feelings talk for tonight, man".

And Castiel never manages to finish his sentence, because he finds himself responding to Dean's second attempt to claim his lips. He closes his eyes and feels Dean's hand brushing gently on his own. He opens his mouth only slightly, just to allow Dean's tongue access. He feels his heartbeat rise and suddenly he realises:

He's _actually kissing Dean_.

Castiel's heartbeat rises even more and he feels like his entire body is in flames. He opens his eyes and breaks the kiss in half.

"Dean…" he mutters, trembling. Dean looks at him and smirks.

"Have you not heard of 'actions speak louder than words', Cas?" he teases at first, but then uncertainty appears on his face.

Cas feels it. Oh, God, he's felt that before. He didn't remember before, but he knows it. It's happening, it can't be stopped and it's far worse this time. Why hadn't he realised it before?

All these days…

No.

Not now.

Not with Dean in the eye of the storm.

"Dean", he manages to whisper. "You've got to—"

A sudden pain across his spine cuts Cas' sentence in half. He feels Dean squeezing his hand.

"Cas? What's going on?"

No time.

"Dean", Castiel groans and God, he'll never forget the pure terror in Dean's eyes at that moment, "close your eyes".

Castiel barely manages to put his palm over Dean's eyes, just to be sure, before the small piece of Grace inside him explodes, ripping him in half with a blinding white light that turns the night into day.

He hears Dean screaming and he's somehow aware that he's screaming, too.

The pain is too much. The light is blinding.

It feels like a century passes.

And then… darkness.


	8. Keep Calm and Carry On

_(A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry for making you worried people! It seems I can't resist a good cliffhanger, so maybe I should stop blaming Moffat about it. Some of you guys got me pretty worried for a sec. I saw several comments that wondered whether Dean would go blind or something, or something terrible would come of this; I'm telling you now, I'm not this cruel. Have trust in your Destiel feels and mine. Things will work out._

_Also, I'm sorry I'm late. I promised to update soon but it took a while due to job issues and maybe some premiere feels. Please forgive me. I hope I'm making it up with this chapter.)_

_**Chapter 8 – Keep Calm and Carry On**_

_Gabriel_

"Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncome on", Gabriel mutters at his phone as he switches his weight from one leg to the other. "What are you _doing_? Pick up, pick up, pick up".

The beeping continues.

"Still nothing?" asks Uncle Luke from the window, as he checks for anything weird in the night sky.

"No, I can't reach him", answers Gabe uncomfortably. "If that wasn't him, he's in big trouble".

"Try again".

Gabriel calls Cas' number once more, his wings fluttering nervously behind him. He feels naked; his wings always obey him, but now…

The beeping goes on.

"Nothing", he says to Uncle Luke. "He still doesn't—"

"_Ugh… Hello?"_

Gabe's eyes widen at the sudden hoarse voice in his speaker. "Cas? Cas! What the hell happened? Are you okay?"

"_Um… who is this?"_

Gabriel stiffens. "Dean?"

"_Gabe?"_

"What are you doing in Castiel's phone?"

"_Uh…"_ Dean pauses for a while. "_I… I don't know, man. The ringing woke me up. I guess. It was kind of an instinct to pick it up"_.

"What do you mean, it woke you up? Were you asleep? Next to Cas' phone?" Gabriel blinks. "Dean-o, did you two—"

"_I was knocked out, I think"._

"Knocked out by what?"

"_Uh…"_

"Where's Cas?"

"_I—I don't know, man, I—"_

"Dean, this is serious. _Where is he_?"

"_Wait, I—"_ Gabriel hears a shuffling sound. "_Oh, my God. He's here_".

"Gimme!"

"_Cas?_" Gabriel hears a sound of a phone dropping on the ground.

"Dean?" he shouts. He can only hear some muffled shouts of Cas' name from the other line. He groans. He really hasn't got the time for this. He inhales deeply and he shouts "DEAN!" with all the power in his lungs. The shuffling sound is back and then Dean picks the phone from the ground.

"…_yeah"._

"What the hell, Dean? What happened to Cas? Is he okay?"

"_He's, uh… he's unconscious, Gabe_".

"What?"

"_He's knocked out. He's breathing alright, but he looks pretty bad_".

"How is he?"

"_I don't know, man! I don't even know what happened before!"_

"No, Dean, I mean it. Listen to me. _How is he?_ Does he look any, I don't know… _different_?"

"_What the hell are you talking about?"_

"I mean, is he in front of you?"

"_Yes_".

"Unconscious?"

"_Yes!_"

"And he looks normal? Nothing weird going on?"

"_You mean except for the fact that he freaking exploded and he's down? No, I'm pretty sure there's nothing fucking weird going on! He looks freaking normal to me!"_

"Wait a sec".

Gabriel covers the speaker with his hand and turns to Uncle Luke. "Dean says Cas looks normal, but he's down. And yeah, it was him who exploded before".

There's a gleam in Uncle Luke's eye. "I'm gonna kill him", he mutters and strides towards Gabe with his massive grey wings folded as tightly as possible on his back. "Gimme that", he says and grabs the phone from Gabriel.

"Where are you?" Uncle Luke asks the phone angrily as he puts it on speaker mode.

"_Who is this?"_

"_Lucifer_", Uncle Luke growls and Gabe is tempted to take a step backwards; he hasn't heard Uncle Luke using his full name for ages; it does sound intimidating. "Now tell me where the hell you are so we can come and get you".

"_Aren't you guys in Missouri?"_

"Dean, shut up and answer", says Gabriel. He can practically feel the vibes of Dean's anger from the phone, but now is not the time to care.

"_Outside Lawrence_", he says. "_We took the highway and stopped at about ten minutes' drive from the end of the town. There's a spot—"_

"Oh, Dean-o", Gabriel says and shakes his head. "Did you take Cas to _the _spot? When did you start being romantic?"

"_Shut up!"_

"No wonder he exploded, then".

"_What?"_

"Nothing. Look, we're coming, okay? Just put Cas in the car and don't go anywhere until we're there. It will take a while but you can handle an hour of loneliness or two. Try to keep Cas alive".

"_You son of a—"_

"See you soon, Dean". Gabriel hangs up and looks at Uncle Luke.

"I swear", Uncle Luke says, "if this happens a third time, I'm gonna kill your cousin with a shovel".

"Whatever", Gabriel dismisses him, "we need to hurry".

"Can you zap us or as you as uncharged as I am?"

Gabriel snorts. "If you haven't noticed, I can't even put my wings back in".

"So I guess we'll be exposed to Dean", comments Uncle Luke.

Gabriel shrugs. "We got no choice. Plus Cas wanted to tell him anyway. I guess we'll have to do it for him. Or maybe it will have worn off by the time we're there".

Uncle Luke sighs. "Okay. Off we go then".

"Driving or flying?"

"Flying _will_ get us there faster, but it's dangerous since we can't achieve much speed in this condition…" says Uncle Luke, thinking about it. "But it's almost certain that we're gonna be seen if we stuff two grown men and six wings inside a car. I'm not even sure we can both fit in there without crashing. We're safer if we just fly. Not many people look up".

Gabriel nods. They grab a couple of things that might prove useful and take off without even locking the front door.

* * *

_Dean_

Cas is still unconscious.

Dean has decided not to call Bobby or Ellen. He texts Sam that he'll be late and he tries calling Gabe, but he doesn't pick it up. For some reason, Dean doesn't want to do anything else than what Gabe and his nutjob of an uncle told him. This whole thing is crazy anyway, he might as well stick with people who seem to be more organised than him.

Dean tries hard to remember exactly what happened before. He can recall kissing Cas in the heat of the moment – God, when did he even realise he liked Cas? Where did all these feelings come from? – and then he remembers Cas telling him to close his eyes while definitely being in pain and a blinding white light that seemed to… no, that's crazy. It couldn't have come _from_ Cas.

Well, whatever the fuck it was, it had knocked them both out. If it wasn't for the phone ringing, Dean doesn't know when he'd have woken up. Every time he tries to understand what's going on his mind seems to stop working. Gabriel and his uncle seem to know what's happening, though, even if Dean can't think of any possible explanation. The point is that Gabe and his uncle are coming from Missouri and Dean hopes they get here soon enough, because honestly, the sight of Castiel lying on his back like he's in a coma really freaks him out. He can't really do anything about it, though.

So he waits. He manages to pull Cas in the back seat of the Impala and make him comfortable there. He checks on him every now and then, but there's no change.

So he waits some more.

It's past midnight and Dean has almost fallen asleep in the driver's seat, when he hears a strange sound, like cloth against the wind, and he looks around, startled. He turns on the headlights of the Impala only to see a figure drawing near. There's a second one who stays a little behind, just in the spot when Dean can't see what it's doing.

"Holy shit", Dean mumbles and turns on the engine, but the person in the front raises their hands.

"Wait, you crazy moron! It's me!"

Dean narrows his eyes to make out the guy's characteristics.

"Gabe?"

"Yes! Who did you expect, Father Christmas? Now turn off those lights!"

Dean just gets out of the car and goes closer to Gabe, eying him carefully. He's him alright, but his hair is messed up and his expression could curdle dairy; he's shirtless and has a coat tied in his waist. Dean looks at the other guy, who has come closer now, and he guesses he's Gabe's crazy uncle; he's slim, with a dark look in his eyes. His light hair is also messy, and he's wrapped around him an old tan trench coat that makes him look weird. Dean notices both their faces are red, like they've been running on a motorcycle on a cold night. He looks around, but sees no mean of transport.

"How did you guys—" Dean starts asking, but Gabe puts his hand up to stop him.

"No time", he says. "Where's Cas?"

Dean feels the anger rising inside him. "Gabe, what the hell is happening?" he asks. "I don't even know how I'm supposed to deal with this crazy shit! Give me a clue, man! I'm not stupid!"

Gabe sighs. "I'm really sorry, Dean, but you'll have to wait. I'm straining myself really hard right now and I don't think I'll manage to keep my self-control for much longer. So just point me to Cas so we can get this over with. Is he in the car?"

"Get over _what_?" Dean asks, getting angrier as his confusion grows. Gabriel ignores him and goes over to the Impala. The guy with the trench coat gives Dean a friendly pat on the shoulder as he walks closer to Gabe.

"Sorry, kid", he says. "We'll explain everything later".

Dean wishes he had something heavy to hit both of them with, but he swallows his anger because, there's no denying that, he's most of all curious. He feels like he's suddenly inside a teen fantasy film or something.

He watches as Gabriel and – supposedly – Uncle Luke move Cas out of the car and place his still limp body in a space about twenty feet from the car.

"Okay, he's good", Dean hears Uncle Luke murmur.

"How the hell is he doing this?" Gabriel answers in a very low voice that Dean probably wouldn't be able to hear if he wasn't so _determined to hear it_. "I'm sweating my ass off to keep mine hidden and he's tucked them away while unconscious? Who is this guy and what has he done with my cousin?"

"Screw that. What we need to do, first of all, is wake him up".

"Sorry to interrupt you, weird know-it-all dudes near my car", Dean butts in, unable to control himself any longer, "but one, I still demand an explanation for all this crazy mess, and two, he won't wake. I've tried everything and it really freaks me out. He's completely comatosed. I really don't know what to do, so for fuck's sake, just tell me what's going on!"

Gabriel sighs and gets up from Cas' side; Dean notices Gabe's moving with caution, like's he's scared he'll break something if he moves freely. He puts his arm around Dean's shoulders, forcing Dean's knees to a strange angle.

"Tell me, Dean-o", he says wearily. "What do you know of angels?"

Dean has a sudden urge to clean his ears. He couldn't have heard right. "Excuse me, _angels_, you say?" he asks, smirking with the biggest amount of sarcastic politeness he can manage.

"Yeap. What do you know of them?"

"Are you serious?"

"Very".

Dean looks at Gabriel's face carefully, but he can't tell whether Gabe is messing with him or not. He decides to go for it and answer, and maybe smack Gabe in the face if it turns out he was indeed joking. "Uh, I don't know", he says dismissingly, "winged people, messengers of God, harps, round shiny ring over their heads. Are we talking about the same thing?"

"Yes and no", says Gabe, nodding once. "See, this is the general impression of angels. I'm not talking about those ones, though".

"Creepy winged babies, then?" asks Dean sarcastically.

"No, that's Cupids and you're confusing the US with Ancient Greece", says Gabe. "I'm talking the kind that you don't know about. You get the basic concept – weird powers, wings and stuff – but harps? No way. Also not as crazy powers as those old messenger of God types".

"You're one to talk", comments Uncle Luke and Dean can actually feel the questioning marks forming above his head as Gabe snorts.

"Angels have walked the earth for centuries", continues Gabe. "Nowadays angels are less powerful than their ancestors and are just focusing on not drawing attention to themselves because we do not mess with humanity, yadda yadda yadda".

Dean narrows his eyes. "How much candy did you have, Gabe?"

"Anyway", Gabriel goes on like he didn't hear Dean, "angels have this thing called Grace. It's what they have instead of a soul. Earthbound angels tend to have Grace that resembles a soul because they've gone native, but it's still strong enough to give them wings and-slash-or special powers".

Dean tries to pull away from Gabe, but the little bastard is stronger than he looks. "Gabe—"

"_So_ get this, Dean-o", Gabriel continues with emphasis, "there are some angels whose Grace works mysterious ways. It can never appear or it can make them more charged up than a proper archangel. So what I need to know is this…" and Dean suddenly feels a shudder in his spine as Gabe's eyes get fixed on his own, "_what did you do to Cas_?"

Dean gulps. "What do you mean?"

"What did you do with him, Dean?" Gabe insists. "I'm as worried as you are, but I need to have the data on my hands before I can tell you exactly what happened!"

"What the hell do ang—"

"Just tell us, Dean", Uncle Luke butts in, wearily. "It will make things easier. Did you scare him?"

Dean blinks. "What? No!"

"Slap him?" suggests Gabe and Dean makes a grimace of ultimate disgust. "Shock him in any way?"

"I didn't—"

"Come on, Dean, think!" Gabe almost shouts. "Did you laugh at him, kiss him_, fuck_ him, what?"

Dean opens his mouth and then closes it again, blushing. Gabe blinks.

"Oh, God", he says, making a face. "You did it in the car, didn't you?"

"Wha—Of course not, you pervert!" exclaims Dean. "I just—" he tries to swallow the knot in his throat. "I, uh… I _did_ kiss him".

Gabriel's jaw drops. "Wait, really?"

Dean feels like his face is on fire. "Yeah".

Gabriel, to Dean's surprise, laughs.

"What?" asks Dean. "What is it?"

"Oh, I can't believe it", mutters Gabe, still laughing. He turns to Dean again. "Well, sorry to break it to you, pretty boy, but you'll have to kiss him again".

"What? Why?"

"Ooh, good idea", comments Uncle Luke excitedly. "Repeat the shock. Nice one".

"Right?" says Gabriel. "Okay, Dean-o. Go for it".

Dean manages to escape his grip. "You're nuts! What do you think, that we're playing Sleeping Beauty here? Is this some kind of a joke?"

"Why would we prank you like this, Dean?" asks Gabriel and Dean snorts.

"I don't know, maybe because it's _you_ we're talking about?" asks Dean angrily. "Playing pranks on people is what you _do_! And if you think for one freaking second that this is funny—"

"Dean", Gabriel interrupts him. "I'm not laughing".

Dean stares at his friend; it's true, he's never seen Gabriel looking this serious.

"Sonny", says Uncle Luke, "I don't wanna do this the hard way and freak you out, because trust me, I can. You wanna kiss my nephew and be his boyfriend, go ahead. You wanna pretend you don't even know him, it's your choice. But do this one thing. The last time this happened to Castiel, it was when he was four and he thought he was losing his mother and unborn sister. He stayed like this for a couple of days. We can't afford that again. Maybe if we act properly, he'll wake up sooner. If it doesn't work, you're allowed to call us names, take your car and go your way. But humour us for a sec, 'kay?"

Dean feels like his brain is boiling inside his skull. "So what… are you seriously trying to tell me he'll wake up if I kiss him? He ain't Snow White and I ain't Prince Charming, and this ain't a True Love's First Kiss situation! I'm not gonna kiss a sleeping dude in front of his folks!"

"Who talked about true love's first kiss?" says Gabe. "We're talking a He Exploded When You Kissed Him So He Might As Well Wake Up Because Of It kind of kiss. Seriously, if you've tried everything else, it's worth a shot".

Dean looks at both of them for a moment. "You're actually serious, aren't you?"

"Yeap".

Dean hesitates and then moves slowly towards Cas. He turns around half-way.

"Why did you mention angels?"

"Really, Dean-o, you won't believe me if I tell you. So I guess we'll wait until you find out by yourself, which will be pretty soon, if I'm not mistaken".

Dean takes a deep breath and kneels next to Cas. Damn, he looks like he's not even breathing and his forehead feels hot under Dean's palm.

Dean looks at Gabe again. "I swear, if this is a joke and you even think about laughing, I'll run you over before you have the time to say 'candy'".

"Just get on with it; my back is killing me here!"

"Screw you".

Dean takes Cas' warm face in his hands, his heart beating like crazy. He's going nuts, he's definitely going nuts. He doesn't even know what's happening and yet he obeys Gabriel, of all people. This is a nuthouse; Cas exploding, Gabe and his uncle out of nowhere, riddles of angels and stupid kissing people out of their sleep fairy tales. It's too much. Dean couldn't be more annoyed.

Deep down, though, he knows that Cas would never be a part of a prank like this.

"Cas?" he murmurs. No response. "Cas, can you hear me?" he says softly close to Cas' ear. "Come on, buddy, wake up", he mutters and he presses a small kiss to Cas' cheek. Was it just him or did he just twitch?

"Cas?" he calls quietly. "Come on, I'm here. You can wake up now. You're safe". He doesn't even know where these words come from. "You're safe. I promise. Wake up", and he kisses Cas' lips softly.

Wait—

Did Cas just respond?

Dean pulls away. "Cas?"

And then Castiel's eyes suddenly open wide and he sits up with a frantic move and a sudden inhale.

"Dean", he mutters. "Dean!" he shouts, looking around like he can't see him.

"Cas", Dean answers and grabs Cas' hand. "Cas, I'm here. I'm here. Calm down".

"Dean", Cas calls again like he's delusional and his eyes focus on Dean's face. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no", Dean assures him and he grabs his shoulder to keep him from shaking. "I'm fine, look at me. You did nothing wrong. We're both fine".

"You're okay?" Castiel asks and Dean nods. "You're okay", Cas mutters like he's confirming it. "Thank God".

"Aaaand he's back, ladies and gentlemen", sounds Uncle Luke's voice from behind them. Cas turns his eyes on his uncle.

"Uncle Luke?" he asks, like he's not certain. "Gabe? What are you doing here? How long was I out?"

"You weren't out for long", says Gabe. "We came as soon as possible. We'd lived this again thirteen years ago, we knew what it was. I'm also pretty sure I've won just another bet".

Dean helps Cas up on his feet. "Okay, folks", he says. "Cas is fine. Now can you just tell me what the hell is going on?"

He looks at Cas, who looks guilty and averts his eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean", he mutters. "I'm afraid I have too many secrets. I foolishly chose to tell you only the smallest, the least harmless one. I will understand if you never forgive me".

"What are you talking about? What secrets?" Dean asks angrily. "Why do you guys keep treating me like I'm an idiot?"

"For God's sake, Dean", Gabriel drawls. "Do you think I'd mention angels if they had nothing to do with this?"

Cas turns his head towards Gabe, taken aback. "You told him?" he asks.

"Told me what?" asks Dean.

"This is what I meant when I said some angels' Grace worked weird", Gabe explains wearily, pointing at Cas. "Have you met a normal, human person who can explode like that?"

Dean makes a grimace. "What the hell are you talking about?" he turns at Cas. To Dean's surprise, Cas glances at him and averts his eyes, blushing like he'd just seen him naked. Dean blinks in surprise. "Cas?"

"It's true, Dean", says Uncle Luke casually. "I'm afraid you got involved with a bunch of earthbound angels. We weren't really supposed to tell you all this, but Cas had decided to tell you since you were kids, from what I'm hearing, and I'm not like my sisters. If he wanted you to know and he trusted you enough, well, be my guest. Now you know. And now, excuse me…"

Dean watches speechless as Uncle Luke takes off his trench coat. He's shirtless underneath, but he's got a bizarre device strapped on his chest, looking like it's made of leather belts and straps. He takes it off and makes a sound of relief as – holy shit – a pair of huge grey wings unfolds behind his back.

"Son of a—" Dean feels like his knees are made of water and only Cas' grip stops him from collapsing.

Uncle Luke sighs. "Ah, finally. It's a bitch not being able to hide them. You really did it again, kid", he comments and Cas blushes even more.

"Sorry", he mumbles, and Dean realises that holy fuck, this thing is real, Cas already knows about his uncle having freaking wings sprouting from his shoulders. Then Dean suddenly remembers that Uncle Luke said "a bunch of earthbound angels". So Cas and Gabe—

"Cas?" he asks again, weakly.

"I should have told you earlier, Dean", Cas says quietly. "But then you asked me if I was gay, and it seemed so much easier than this. I meant to tell you, I swear. But I was scared. I'm really sorry".

Dean suddenly feels like his chest is hollow. "So… what? You're not gay? Was that just a lie to cover up your family's history and your uncle's wings?"

Cas looks desperate. "No, I didn't mean…" he sighs. "I am… gay. I am. And I like you a lot. I kept the truth from you, but I didn't lie. I never lied. I tried so hard not to".

"And what exactly do you mean by 'his uncle's' wings?" Gabriel butts in. "Seriously, Cassie boy, just tell him everything cause the waiting is killing me here. And try to do something about this whole 'cancelling other angels' Grace when I explode' thing, because it starts to get really annoying".

"I… I don't know how I'm doing it", says Cas guiltily, and then he looks Dean, as if he wanted to explain everything from now on. "They tell me it had happened last time, too, even though I don't remember it. When my Grace… appears, it sort of makes a mess. It's so sudden and, apparently, quite strong, so last time it happened, it left many angels powerless for days".

"Actually", Uncle Luke interrupts, "we're talking state-radius here. That's probably why we were caught in the fire even though we were in Missouri".

Dean has started to feel really dizzy right now. "So…" he starts, but he realises he has too many questions. He has to pick one at random. "So what does your… Grace… do? How does it work?" He isn't sure it's the right question, but he does have to start somewhere.

"Right now, I have no idea", Castiel mutters. "I feel like my body's a kettle of boiling water and the lid is shut with duct tape. It's like I'm overdosing. My Grace was always too weak and now… I don't know. Honestly".

"Don't you think you should let it go?" asks Gabe. "Sorry to pressure you, but maybe if you get control over it, you can take away the effects on us, too. Dean is already too freaked to deal with more wings for one night, and I can barely keep myself together".

"Wait", Dean says. "You don't mean that you—"

"Yeah, we have a talent to keep our wings hidden", explains Gabriel quickly. "Of course, little Cas always had troubles with that too, so for God's sake, _am I the only one who's curious about what the explosion effects were this time_? Doesn't anyone care that I was right about this happening again? I've been saying this for _years_ and now it's the time to test it!"

"I don't think that—" starts Cas.

"Yes it is!" Gabe insists. "You can't have another angel session with Dean, he'll kill himself. Just let us see what you can do".

Dean has the impression that Cas has blushed even harder and the only word he can find is "adorable". He realises that he's not angry. Surprised, maybe, fascinated, intimidated, maybe a little scared, but not angry. Hell, how many people can say that they've talked to winged dudes and that the boy they kissed actually exploded from the excitement? And it's definitely better than having the guy he likes and his family pranking the shit out of him. He almost laughs at the irony of that last thought. He decides he doesn't want to break what started tonight.

"Cas?" Dean says softly and his heart skips a beat as he faces these amazing blue eyes. "Hey, don't be scared, okay? Come on, I wanna see. If I'm to witness angel crap tonight, I might at least see your first time of something".

Cas blinks. "Wait… you're not angry at me?"

"I don't know", says Dean and shrugs. "Is this gonna happen every time I kiss you?"

Cas gives him a half-smile, ignoring Uncle Luke's chuckle and Gabriel's gagging sounds. "No. No, I don't think so".

"Okay. Then try it out. See what you got out of this".

Cas rubs his neck uncomfortably. "To be honest, I don't know what to do".

Dean thinks about it for a second. Yeah, as if he knows. He says the first thing that pops in his mind. "Do you have wings, too?"

"Yes", Cas answers and Dean could swear he can hear his brain cells popping inside his head.

"Okay", he says, trying to make his voice stable. "Then show me".

"You… want to see my wings?"

"Yeah", Dean agrees. "If you're okay with that". He realises he really, really, _really_ wants Cas to be okay with that. He is suddenly very aware that all he ever wanted from his life was to see his male crush's angel-wings.

Wow. How a person's priorities can change.

Cas thinks about it for a second. "Okay", he says in the end. "It's a start, I guess".

Dean watches as Cas takes off his hoodie and T-shirt, revealing his slim, pale body. The lights of the Impala create strange shades on his skin, and as Dean sees the lines on Cas' chest and stomach, he's surprised to feel a twitch between his legs. He ignores it as best as he can as Cas gets up, takes a deep breath and, with a liquid move and a fluttering sound, lets his wings out in the material world.

And Dean suddenly experiences the worst boner in his life so far.

* * *

_Castiel_

Cas keeps his mind on Dean as he gets ready to unfurl his wings in front of him. He knows his Grace has grown stronger, but all the attention makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't know what he can do and randomly testing his possible abilities makes him feel like a lab rat. At least Dean is here to save the day.

Dean.

The wonderful young man who promised to keep on kissing him even after all this.

He takes a deep breath and decides it's better to get this over with. He lets his wings unfold into existence and even as he does so, he realises something is different. He spreads them as usual, and then he realises they keep spreading.

And keep spreading.

"Holy freaking shit", he hears Gabriel murmur.

Castiel takes his eyes off Dean and dares to look at his wings; he stops breathing.

He absentmindedly tries to remember whether Gabriel had bet on his wings growing and changing colour; he thinks that indeed, that was the case.

Of course, if he remembers correctly, Gabriel had bet on his wings going white, not blacker than night.

He tries to move his right wing very carefully, but to his great surprise, he finds that he can handle this eight feet of one limb better than he ever could do with his previous four and a half. He brings the tip close to him to examine it. He then does the same with the other one.

Huh.

He definitely feels weird. He has no idea what to do with wings almost double the size of the ones he's used to. He feels a little scared for a moment; no matter his family's reactions, he was indeed okay with his wings so far. He'd grown to love them in a sympathetic kind of way, like they were his two little friends who did their best to serve him. He was always trying to take care of them and not push them hard. He didn't want them to change.

These ones, though…

They're a clear black like a summer's night, and they seem more obedient now. He knows they're the same wings. He knows that they're his own, the ones he always had; they're just a little… doped with Grace. He can feel that his powers have grown along with his wings, and he wonders what he can do now. He suddenly starts to panic. His whole life is suddenly different; he didn't ask for his Grace to explode again. He didn't ask to be more powerful. Gabe and Anna and Uncle Luke might have always made a big deal out of it, and he was always self-conscious as a kid, but he'd grown to accept who he is. Who he used to be. He really doesn't know what to do with all these new facts.

He tries to concentrate and find what causes the Grace of the other angels to not work. He surprisingly finds that he can feel their Grace. It hasn't left them, it's still there, only locked inside them. He realises Gabriel can still hide his wings because his Grace is so powerful that if it was a liquid, it would have drowned them all. He finds that his own Grace is a bratty little light who is much stronger than he thought, but is also so insecure that it would rather shut down the other Graces it can feel around it than face them; not until it felt safe. Castiel wonders how the heck he came up with this explanation in his mind, and also if this is what Anna means when she says she can feel other angels' Grace. He tries to wrap his mind around his Grace and he feels his own grip around the state's angelic population loosen.

Wow. He can even control it now.

He realises his mouth has been open for a while now and he shuts it as he dreadfully looks back at the others, one by one.

Uncle Luke's eyes are wide with amusement and – could it be? – pride. Or so Castiel thinks. His wings are hidden again.

Gabe has stopped struggling with his wings and is now grinning happily.

And then Castiel's eyes focus on Dean.

Castiel watches as Dean comes closer and smiles, without saying anything.

"I…" Castiel starts and he realises he has no idea how to go on. "This isn't what I normally look like", he manages to say, knowing he sounds stupid.

Dean's smile widens. "We'll work it out", he says.

Cas can only smile back.

He can barely hear Gabriel in the background of his Dean world.

"Damn. I'd bet he'd get all this two years earlier".

Somewhere far away, Uncle Luke laughs.

And why shouldn't he? Castiel thinks. Everything worked out fine, in the end.

* * *

_(A/N: this is not the end. There's more coming. I tried really hard to write a chapter ending that didn't sound like a fic ending but I couldn't. Don't worry, there's still plenty to come. Porn as well. See ya soon!)_


	9. Family Matters

_(A/N: Okay so this chapter is a little shorter. I wrote it between crazy deadlines and I only decided to upload it as it is because I promised to have it ready today. To make up for the lack of words, there's a little Destiel something for you here. Enjoy your stay, next chapter coming soon._

_Also, you're allowed to send me messages to cry together about 8x02. My feels are killing me.)_

_**Chapter 9 – Family Matters**_

_Castiel_

The subtle knock on the door wakes Castiel up.

"Cas?"

He blinks at the sunlight coming from his window and stretches his arms over his head. He's in a good mood, even though he can't really remember why.

He drops his arms at his sides and almost jumps in surprise from the absence of feathers under his skin; then he remembers.

Wow. Last night really happened. He really has hidden his wings even in sleep.

The knock at the door sounds again.

"Cas? It's eleven already. Mum wants to see how you're doing".

Damn. Anna. He suddenly finds his brain terribly awake. "Just a sec", he shouts, his voice still sleepy and hoarser than usual. He jumps from his bed, trying to think about what to do now and _not_ what he did last night – _definitely not_ thinking about Dean kissing him goodbye before he climbed back to his window into his room. Nope. _Definitely not_.

Okay, _focus_.

Castiel looks around the room for any evidence of his sneaking out last night. He starts panicking at the thought of his Grace overloading yesterday and might having affected his family as well; he calms down by thinking that, if they'd felt anything strange, they'd have let him know. Still, to be sure, he concentrates – wow, very easily – and checks if his own Grace is trapping his parents and sister's.

Nothing. Okay.

Now time for the more human evidence. Uncle Luke's tan trench coat is still on his chair – he'd given it to him before he and Gabriel flew off to Missouri again. Cas hides it in his closet, along with his sweaty T-shirt and zipper hoodie. He realises he'd fallen asleep over the covers, with his jeans still on; he takes them off quickly and changes into a clean pair of sweatpants and a huge orange T-shirt that he hates, just to keep himself from feeling too good and start jumping in excitement over the memory of last night. He takes a last look around and a deep breath, and then unlocks his door and opens it, only to find Anna looking at him in a strange manner.

"Good morning", he says, trying to sound casual.

"Morning", she answers and eyes him carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine", he answers. "What did Mum want that was so important?"

Anna's lips form a crooked line; Castiel has learnt to consider this an ill omen. "You went to bed a little after eight and it's _eleven_. And you'd locked your door. Why'd you lock your door?"

"I wanted to avoid being woken up", he gives his comeback, hoping she'd give it up. He really doesn't want to start a talk now, not with their mother still at home. He ignores Anna's suspicious look and goes downstairs to the kitchen, where their mother is finishing her coffee. As Castiel walks in, she takes her eyes off her newspaper and smiles at him.

"Good morning, dear", she greets him. "Did you rest?"

Castiel just nods as he goes to the cupboard to get the cereal – gosh, they still have them here, Anna must still like the same brand as she did six years ago. Castiel is used to Uncle Luke's switching between awesome British breakfasts and bad coffee with burnt toast, so a little piece of his childhood returns as he pours the chocolate cereal in a bowl.

His mother lets down the newspaper as he puts his bowl on the table and goes for the milk and a spoon. "Congratulations", she says, smiling benevolently.

Castiel feels his heartbeat rise in the way only people who are hiding something from their parents have experienced. He tries not to think that her comment is for sneaking out _almost_ without getting noticed or having his first kiss ever. "What for?" he asks, hoping his voice sounded steady.

"For remembering to hide your wings for once, of course", she says. "I have to admit, dear, the sight of them every morning always made me a little upset. I'm glad you listened to me for once".

Castiel takes a deep breath and makes the corners of his mouth twitch upwards in a very fake smile as he glances at her. The honesty in her tone and face makes him even angrier; she really _is_ happy he's hiding them and she _is_ indeed proud that he remembered. Her comment doesn't hide anything demeaning or rude; she really thinks he should hide his wings from her in the ways he's supposed to cover his mouth when he coughs. He can feel the tips of his wings trembling in anger, and he supposes they'd have appeared on their own by now, was it any other time, but it seems his control is going pretty well. So he just ignores her.

"So are you feeling any better?" his mother asks kindly.

"Much", he says, unwilling to start a conversation. "Thank you", he adds. He realises he has the need to sound very formal around his parents.

His mother smiles. "Nice to know, honey", she says and finishes her cup of coffee. "Well, I'll be off to work. You kids be careful and call me or your dad if you need anything, okay?"

"Yes", Castiel and Anna drawl at the same time. Their mother takes her purse and leaves, leaving them alone.

Castiel focuses his attention on his cereal, completely ignoring Anna's piercing look.

"So what's up with you?" she asks.

He shrugs. "Nothing. What do you mean?"

She leans over the table. "You know very well what I mean", she says. "I can feel your Grace, big bro, and it's driving me mad since the middle of the night. It's not the same. What happened? Was it that explosion? Did it affect you?"

Castiel blinks. "What?"

"Don't you play daft with me!" she says and sits down. "Didn't you feel it? There was an explosion of Grace somewhere close. By the time I woke up because of it I'd lost my power. When I got it back, I felt you and you were… different. You still are. So what is it?"

Castiel sighs. He should have expected it; Anna's angel radar makes no mistakes.

"Okay", Castiel gives up. "I'm gonna tell you everything, but you've got to promise not to tell Mum and Dad, alright?"

"Deal".

"Okay. Here goes".

_Dean_

Even the small Harley Davidson model on the table and Sammy's wide smile can't persuade Dean to show more excitement and less surprise for his father's sudden appearance.

John is standing right there in front of him, having arrived only half an hour ago. He came back all of a sudden with a smile on his face, bringing them news about his car adventures and promising to take them with him to his upcoming trip to Florida, if they want to, like he came back from a week of business trip and not a couple of months. Dean is happy to see him, he is, but… well, the man _has left them alone for a couple of months_. And now Dean's not sure how the hell he's gonna have to act when his Dad is at home. It feels like it's been a year since John left; Dean has changed so much.

He does smile, though, and he does make his father coffee, and he does listen carefully to what he's got to say to him and Sam. His stories are mostly about cars, and fights with the mechanics, and meeting new pals who could help him in the future. He says he's missed the boys and promises to spend more time with them from now on, but Dean and Sam just exchange a look as John talks; he always promises to be around more from now on, and every time he goes away for more days than the last time. He does ask for their own stories at some point, and Dean has to admit that he does indeed look interested in the quiet summer time they've been having, and he seems really disappointed when Dean mentions his breakup with Lisa.

"Damn, that's a tough one, kid", he says. "Why'd you let her go?"

Dean shrugs, giving himself time to think some other answer than "I realised I have a crush on my childhood best friend who also happens to have been away for six years, making it impossible for me to actually know what kind of person he's become, and yeah, did you notice he's a 'he'?"

"I guess it just didn't work out", he says instead.

"Well, you'll find someone better", John says. "You're still young. You'll find the right girl".

Dean just gives his father a forced smile and exchanges a look with Sam.

Yeah, he's pretty sure he'll never be able to tell his father.

He's about to change the subject into something more casual, like hey, it's three in the afternoon, maybe we should grab some food, when the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it", murmurs Dean. He walks to the door as his father says something about going to rest from the all-nighter he pulled in the car to get here. Dean opens the door to see Castiel in front of him; Cas' face lightens up when he sees him and Dean is sure his own must look more or less the same; it's a nice surprise.

"Hey, Cas", Dean greets his—well, his what? Friend, boyfriend? Oh, who cares.

"Hello", answers Cas and smiles. "May I come in?"

"Sure", Dean says and steps aside so Cas can get in the house. He realises his heart is racing and wonders how he hadn't realised from the first moment that he was into Cas.

"So what brings you here?" he asks quietly, to avoid his father hearing them, and drags Cas in the kitchen. "Everything okay at home?"

"Oh, yes. They didn't even notice I was gone", says Cas and he looks proud of himself. "Well, Anna realised something happened to me. But she's okay. She was actually pretty excited when I told her about—"

"Dean?"

John's voice makes Dean freeze, which is of course ridiculous – he's done nothing to be ashamed of; at least, not here and now. He turns to look at his father, who's looking at them half-curiously, half-suspiciously.

"And who's this young man?" he asks.

"Oh", Cas says. "Hello, Mr Winchester. I'm Castiel, sir. Castiel Novak? I live across the street", and he holds out his hand.

John seems to appreciate the gesture; he takes Cas' hand and shakes it. "Of course, of course", he says and smiles, as there's a "Hey, Cas!" from Sam in the living room. "I remember you. Weren't you the chubby little nerd? Long time no see".

Cas raises his eyebrows, probably not sure if that was a friendly comment or not. He glances over at Dean, who nods just so slightly, and then smiles back. "Yes, that was me. I came back about a week ago".

"That's great, kid", John says. "You'd moved to that uncle of yours, am I right?"

"Yes, indeed".

"Well it did you good, that's for sure. I'm lucky I don't have a daughter, huh?" says John and grins teasingly.

It takes a moment for Dean – and, apparently, Cas too – to process John's words, but until then he's already said "see ya later", waved his beer goodbye and left for his bedroom upstairs, stampeding on the steps.

Dean tries to shake the nearly traumatic experience off as he turns to look a quite blushed Cas. He also tries to shake off the word "adorable" when he looks at Cas.

"Sorry about that", Dean murmurs with a quiet chuckle. Cas makes a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"Don't worry about it", he reassures Dean. "I'm surprised he's back, to be honest. But it's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, certainly", says Dean. He takes a deep breath, because damn, things with his father suddenly seem complicated.

"So… what's up?" he asks, hoping it's the right thing to say.

"Well…" Cas starts and he smiles almost apologetically. "I told Anna about last night".

"Yeap, you already told me that. What about it?"

"I mean… I told her everything about last night", Cas says quietly and his face is full red now. "I only wanted to tell her about my Grace, but well… since it was triggered by… um…"

"…us kissing…"

"Yes… Well, eventually I'd have to tell her. She sent me here to talk to you after our discussion".

Dean does his best not to panic, and he suddenly realises why almost every coming out in history is supposed to be something bad. "What does she want you to tell me?"

"She said I'm too dangerous to be around the house while I'm not in full control. I don't even know what I can do yet. So she suggested we go somewhere outside for me to practise, and she suggested we all go in your car, since you're the only one who can drive and knows about the whole thing. If you're okay with it".

Dean waits for a second and then blinks in surprise. "Wait, that's it? She sent you here to ask for a ride?"

Cas seems to blush even more. "Well, yes".

"What about us? I mean, what about the fact that me and you… you know", Dean insists, trying to keep his voice low. It's only then that realisation seems to hit Cas.

"Oh! She said it would be good bonding for us if you were there for my first steps", he says. "She's totally okay with it".

Dean laughs in relief. "Awesome", he says and smiles. He looks at Cas who smiles back and feels a warmth in his chest that isn't willing to go away. He decides he's not gonna keep himself restrained and wraps an arm around Cas' waist, coming closer.

Cas blinks in surprise. "Dean—"

"Hmm?"

Dean leans closer to him, but Cas catches his arm.

"Wait—" Cas starts and Dean looks at him carefully. "Look, I might be completely stupid here. But… before any of this happens, I… I need to know".

Dean frowns. "Know what?"

Cas takes a deep breath. "I'm not just a rebound from Lisa, right?" he asks, and Dean barely hears him. They stay quiet for a moment.

"Is this what you think?" Dean asks in a low voice, close to Cas' ear, and he can actually feel the shiver his word send down Cas' skin.

"I…"

"I broke up with Lisa because I wanted to be with you, okay?" Dean says. "I know you think it's hard to find the right person, and hell, I know you're probably scared about having this at last, but… come on. You're the most awesome person I know. And certainly you're the most awesome _being_ I know. If I liked you before, I'm damn fascinated since last night". He gives Cas a crooked smile. "So quit worrying".

Cas half-smiles, without looking at him. "Who knew", he murmurs. "Dean Winchester has a wing kink".

Dean blinks and then laughs. He pulls Cas closer to him. "Who knew indeed", he says. "We should take advantage of that sometime".

"Dean, your father—" Cas starts, but he doesn't pull back.

"Oh, we'd have heard him, he comes down the stairs like a pissed elephant", Dean says and wraps both arms around Cas' waist, pressing him against the cupboard. He feels Cas' long fingers stroking his forearms gently and he decides he's completely in love with Cas' hands. Dean rubs his cheek on Cas and is happy to receive a chuckle.

"What?" he mumbles to Cas' ear.

"…stubble", Cas mumbles back.

"You should stop shaving to retaliate, then", Dean murmurs and he leans forward to let his still smiling lips touch Cas'. Damn, he tastes like mint and chocolate and Dean's about to put some tongue in there to get a better taste, when—

"EW, Dean, _gross!"_

Both Dean and Cas jump and turn around, letting go of each other, to see Sam in the kitchen door, with a look like he's been asked to swim in a sewer.

"Sammy—"

"Ew", Sam says again. "Warn me next time! You've got a bedroom, Dean! Don't scar me for life!"

"Dude, it was just a kiss!" Dean hisses, as quietly as he can.

"Yeah, right", Sam insists. "Not if I left you alone. We _eat_ here".

"Okay, okay, we'll be careful", Dean promises.

"You should", says Sam. "You wouldn't want Dad to see you guys. I mean, I'll have you covered whenever you want. Just… don't ever let me see that kind of sappy PDA again, okay?"

"How is it PDA if I'm in my kitchen?" asks Dean.

"Little brother in the house!" says Sam. "You get to do this in here only behind a locked door. Please".

Sam has turned his puppy look on and both Dean and Cas have to give up. "Okay, deal".

"Right", says Sam, relieved. "So now that we're done with this… how are you, Cas?"

Dean suddenly feels very grateful for his little brother. He guesses other people have to deal with all kinds of shit if they kiss their same-sex date in front of their family.

Yes, Sammy has turned out pretty well.

Dean watches Cas as he smiles at Sam. "I'm okay, thanks. I came to take Dean with me for a ride; I want him to see something".

"Like what?"

Dean realises how hard it must have been for Cas and his family to keep this secret for so long. He hates having to lie to Sam. "Stuff", he says. "Gay stuff. You wouldn't like it".

Is it just Dean or does Cas look as disappointed as Sam?

"Oh", says Sam. "Okay. I'll just call Jo and Anna to hang out, then".

"You do that", says Dean.

"Wait", Cas interrupts. "I'd like you to come too, Sam".

Dean blinks. "What?"

Sam makes a face. "Um… No offence, Cas, but I don't think I like the sound of gay stuff".

"It's not— Anna's gonna be there too", says Cas. "It's nothing to do with… gay stuff. I'd like you to come".

"Cas, are you sure?" asks Dean.

Cas just smiles. "Sam's your brother, Dean. I'd hate to have to lie to him. And I've always wanted to let my friends know. So yes, I'm sure".

Dean ignores his brother's confused expression and just smiles with all his heart.

"Okay", he says and rubs his hands together. "Let's do this!"


	10. A Taste of Sky

_**Chapter 10 – A Taste of Sky**_

_Dean_

Of all the times Dean has done something out of the ordinary, this must be the best one by far.

When Cas suggested that Sam should come with them for angel-power practise or whatever the hell he and Anna were planning to do out in the open, Dean was really excited. He made Sam promise not to ask questions until they were there, because come on, what could they tell him? "Cas has angel wings and we're gonna teach him how to use them"? Stuff like that need proof to be believed, and they weren't going to give Sam his proof inside the house, with John napping upstairs and with so little space to move in.

So they go and get Anna while Sam waits in the car. When Anna sees Sam and realises there's gonna be one more person knowing about her heritage, she demands they go get Jo too. After all, she says, it isn't only Cas' business, it's her own too; she's been keeping the secret as long as Cas has, and Jo is her best friend. If Cas can tell people, so can she. And of course, Cas is far better proof for their sayings than Anna will ever be. Well, unless she follows her brother's example sometime in the future and gets her own exploding Grace. Cas doesn't disagree; quite the opposite, in fact.

If Sam's confused – and Dean suspects he is – he doesn't show it. He just waits patiently in the back seat with Anna as they pass by the Harvelles' house and take Jo with them. Dean and Cas decide the best place to have their privacy is not far from where they were last night; there's a grove close enough so they'll be safe.

When the time comes and the car is safely parked next to the groove, and they're all outside, and Sam and Jo have started to look really nervous, Dean exchanges awkward looks with Cas and Anna because fuck, in theory it's all easy, but _he_ had found out by accident. How do you even begin to tell someone "hey look, I'm a freaking _angel_"?

In the end, Cas only sighs and says "I'm sorry we hadn't told you before", takes off his shirt and unfurls his wings in one fluid movement.

Sam takes a step back and Jo gasps and curses, and even Anna covers her mouth with her hand – Dean realises she hadn't seen Cas' wings yet, and somehow, Dean's happy he's the only one among them to have seen this feathered wonder before.

Cas blushes with all the attention focused on him, but Anna gets over he momentary shock and starts telling the story to Sam and Jo before they start asking question. They sit on the grass next to her as Cas folds his wings and leans on the Impala, followed by Dean. The younger teens' eyes still fall on Castiel every now and then, though, and Dean can't blame them. He can feel their gaze more than he can see it; all his attention is focused on Cas.

Finally, Cas' eyes meet his own, after a long time of paying attention to what Anna has to say. Dean smiles and Cas can only smile back.

"Everything okay?" Dean asks and Cas nods.

"Yes, I'm fine", Cas reassures him. "I'm kind of… relieved. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, you know. Only I'd never expected I'd be Exhibit A", he chuckles.

Dean laughs. "Well, I think you're a great example for them to see".

Cas raises his eyebrows and gives him a teasing half-smile. "And you're the expert on angels, having seen so many, right?"

"Well, I'm dating one, for starters", Dean says and look at that; they've never even said they're dating but it seems there was no reason to. Cas just laughs.

"That doesn't count", he says, and Dean is proud to see Cas has learnt to tease people over the years. Hm. He can definitely live with this. "You haven't even seen proper angel wings. We should show Sam and Jo my cousin Michael to have them understand what an earthbound angel actually looks like. He's like the perfect example. A few powers, big white wings, the whole set".

Dean blinks. Anna's voice is just a noise in the background now. "Michael has _wings_?" he asks in disbelief. "And _powers_? No way. That cold-blooded nerdy guy?"

"Of course he has", says Cas. "Gabe and Anna say his Grace is really, really strong but his parents are worse than mine when it comes to the 'being an angel' thing", and he does the air quotes. "So Michael's suppressed it so much that he doesn't really show he's got it anymore. If Anna and Gabe's assumptions are right, there's a chance he'd have gotten more powerful than _Gabriel_ if he wasn't ashamed of it. I mean, _I_ was always very self-conscious, but I did practise when I could, and—"

"Wait", Dean interrupts. "Did you just say 'more powerful than _Gabe_'?"

"Well, yes", says Cas seriously.

"Is Gabe the best example of angelic awesomeness you can think of?" Dean is aware he might be sounding a little offensive, but he's just too curious. Castiel seems amused, though.

"Dean, there is no angel I've ever met that's more powerful than Gabe", he says, and Dean fights very hard not to ask for a cotton tip.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course".

"But—" Dean frowns, replaying last night in his head. "I didn't even see Gabe's wings yesterday. Can you be like, super-awesome without the wing part?"

Cas snorts. "Dean, you didn't see Gabe's wings because his Grace is so much stronger than mine that it was not as affected as everyone else's. Will you freak out if I tell you Gabe has four wings?"

Dean chokes on air. "Say what now?"

"He's got four wings", Cas repeats. "And he can conjure things out of thin air. He can do pretty much anything".

"Are we serious here? _Gabe?_ Are we talking about the same person?"

"Just because he uses his freaky archangel powers to conjure _candy_ that doesn't mean he doesn't have them", says Cas and shrugs. "He's using them for pretty much ridiculous things and he loves showing off, but he's been amazing to me. He's tried every trick he knows of to test whether I could do anything special. He taught me how to fly. Of course, after he sprouted his second pair of wings, Uncle Luke had to take over, because Gabe had to learn it all from the start. Different way of dealing with wind currents, you know".

Dean nods and tries not to overthink the fact he's talking about _flying people_ here. "_Uncle Luke_", he says absentmindedly. "Is his name _really_ Lucifer?"

Castiel laughs. "Yes, I'm afraid it is".

"Like the _devil_? Who names his kid _Lucifer_, for fuck's sake? How cruel were your grandparents?"

"Actually, it's a very common name among angels, especially in the earthbound community. Lucifer, _the_ Lucifer used to be a much respected angel before he fell, and there are many who choose to remember only the good sides of his name. It's not like Uncle Luke's the devil. Just like Michael, or Gabriel; they're not the archangels, but they're named after them".

Dean thinks about it for a moment. "You know, you'd think I'd have noticed over the years that there was something weird going on with the names in your family. I can't believe I never saw it. I mean, Gabriel, Nazael,_ Castiel_? It's kinda obvious when you think about it".

Cas smiles. "It's only obvious when you already know about it", he says. "Like the solution of a riddle".

Dean cackles. "Yeah, I suppose you're right".

"And I suppose you should get started", sounds a voice from somewhere next to them. Dean and Cas turn around and see Anna approaching them, followed by bewildered Sam and Jo. "We didn't come here only to come out to Jo and Sam, remember? So quit babbling with your boyfriend and let's see what you can do".

"Actually", Jo says suddenly, and ignoring both Dean and Cas' blushing, "I have no idea which one of these facts is weirder: that Cas and Anna and Gabe are _freaking angels_ or that Dean and Cas are like _a thing_ now".

"Why, does it bother you?" says Dean defensively and Sam blinks in surprise. Jo looks at him like he insulted her.

"Of course not, you dumbass", she says. "It was just very sudden, and, well, unexpected. I would be as surprised if Anna and Sam started flirting. I didn't see it coming. That's all".

Dean manages not to show his relief, or so he thinks. "And what about the angel thing?" he asks, mostly aiming his question towards Sam.

"It's, uh…" Sam starts and he rubs his neck awkwardly, as Jo opens her mouth, trying to find words. "It's amazing", he says in the end.

"That's it?" asks Dean.

"What can I say, Dean? I'm astonished", Sam manages to say. "We just learnt about the existence of an entire new species! Even biologically, this is amazing". He turns to Cas as Dean rolls his eyes at his brother's nerdiness. "Can I ask you stuff about all this sometime, Cas?"

Cas blinks in surprise. "Yes, of course. I'd be happy to answer. You've no idea how good it feels to finally talk about this. Your interest flatters me".

Sam's face lightens up. "Okay. Awesome".

"And… Jo?" asks Dean.

Jo shrugs. "Well, I can't say I didn't freak out", she says, directing her speech only to Dean. "But you know me… I always had an open mind about the supernatural. I always believed there was something more. Sure, it's awesome to have confirmation, and it's so damn cool that our best friends are that particular supernatural thing I always believed in, but all I'm thinking is… I don't know. I'm just grateful they told us. You know what I mean? We weren't supposed to know, but we _do_ know, because they trust us. For all we know, we could be the only humans in existence that know about angels. It's pretty cool".

Dean has to admit he hadn't thought about this in a universal level. For him, so far it had gotten until "oh, I like a guy who's got feathers. That's new". He didn't really care about the whole "big secret" thing. He understood, of course, and he was never, ever going to tell anyone, but until now he had only thought about how it would affect their lives in a personal level.

Now it seems even more awesome.

"Damn, it's like we're starring in a young adult novel or something", he says, causing agreeing chuckles from the others.

"So, time to get to work", says Anna. "Would you guys mind if you stayed here for a bit until we see what Cas can pull off? I wouldn't like you to be in the line of fire if he does anything weird".

Dean, Sam and Jo stay close to the Impala, even though they're a bit nervous, as Anna takes Cas closer to the grove; Dean doesn't fail to notice Cas is glancing behind him every now and then.

It takes everything Dean's got to resist the urge to look for the cassette with "I'm in love with an alien" inside, or humming the song and changing the pronouns.

He sighs and takes a pack of cards from under a seat in the car. The future seems really interesting.

* * *

_Castiel_

"Come on, focus!"

Castiel takes his eyes off of the Impala in the distance and looks at Anna.

"Yes. Okay. Sorry".

"Okay", she says, and Cas feels like a wild animal, because he swears he can taste her nervousness. "Let's try some of Gabriel's tricks, shall we?"

"Like what?" he asks.

"I don't know. Try conjuring a candy bar in your hand or something".

Castiel really feels this is ridiculous, but he remembers when Gabe used to try and teach him his tricks, and to be frank, conjuring sweets was indeed one of the lessons. He remembers what Gabe had told him back then.

_What you need to do is concentrate and believe you can do it. After that, it all becomes a piece of cake. _Literally,_ in our case._

Castiel closes his eyes to focus a little bit more and tries hard to make a candy bar appear in his hands.

He really feels ridiculous.

Especially when nothing happens.

Cas sighs and opens his eyes.

"Okay", he says. "Let's try something else".

…

About an hour later, Castiel and Anna have started to accept that maybe the Grace explosion didn't cause as much awesomeness as they'd thought at first. It turns out that Castiel can't really pull off any of Gabriel's tricks, including conjuring random stuff (they try objects of every possible size, material and emotional value), making himself and/or other people/ objects invisible/unnoticeable, or creating illusions, realistic or not.

He does seem to have developed an angel radar of his own, though, as for the first time in his life, he can actually feel a vibe coming from Anna if he concentrates – a vibe that he can't feel coming from anyone else around. When he describes it as a warm pulse that's kind of surrounding her, she nods in excitement and says it's the same feeling she's getting from other angels' Grace. She assures him he'll learn to turn it on and off whenever he wants and it will soon come naturally to him, as well as that he'll start recognising how powerful each angel is.

After many, many tries, both Castiel and Anna decide that it's enough for today and they really should stop. Besides, Dean, Sam and Jo have started to get bored of playing cards.

"Maybe we should get back", Castiel suggests. "It's been a while now. We did all that we came out here to do".

"All but one", says Anna and looks at him with a conspiratory look. "Come on, don't tell me you don't want to see how your wings are working".

Castiel had almost forgotten about that. Or, he has to admit, he's been delaying it. He can't help but feel stupid, but the truth is… well, he's spent all his life being the less able one in the angel group. He'd taught his wings to obey him and act properly, and even if they sometimes failed him, he can't help but feel strange at these two black monsters sprouting from his shoulder blades. What if they don't work properly? What if they only look cool, but are good for nothing? What if he doesn't manage to handle their almost double size and he falls or makes a complete fool out of himself?

He's almost considering making up a lie about being tired and trying again tomorrow, when he's alone, when he looks at Dean's direction. Dean is still paying attention to the cards game taking place in front of him, but he doesn't manage to hide his looks towards Castiel. Cas sees him smiling encouragingly and nodding, giving him the thumbs-up.

He takes a deep breath. The hell with it.

Castiel runs.

He runs up next to the road, ignoring the calls from Anna and the others, ready to do this properly. He runs and runs and then there it is: the end of the hilltop. The highest spot. He can see it from here.

He spreads his wings and gives them a couple of testing flaps as he keeps on running. And then there's the point that's almost like a ramp, like the hill is meant for him. He runs even faster as he reaches the top and then he closes his eyes and jumps in the air, beating his wings.

He feels the wind on his face and his feet leaving the ground. He's almost scared at the sound of his wings flapping, keeping him on the air. The wind is warm, stroking his face and making every single feather on his wings shudder in excitement. For the first time, they're actually working, fulfilling their purpose.

He opens his eyes and comes to an upstanding position, flapping his wings so that he can stay in the same spot. He looks down and realises he's way higher than he expected; he can hear Anna's calls, if he tries, and he's sure that's Dean cheering for him down there. He focuses on that direction and finds out that he can almost magnify the image he wants to focus on from a distance. He shakes his head in surprise, feeling almost dizzy. Huh. "Eagle eye", isn't it called? He thinks he's heard that hawks and other predators can do that when they want to focus on their prey. He blinks as he thinks of himself for the first time as a giant bird and he almost laughs for not thinking about this earlier in his life; he guesses that when you've been a winged person all your life, you just don't find anything weird about your situation. He still feels like an idiot, though.

Okay, then, his angel ability is his bird qualities. Acceptable. At least he can actually fly now. He gives his wings a side look, examining them as they work casually, as if they hadn't been almost limp just a couple of days ago. He quickly compares them to his height and weight, does some math and tries to recall the nights he spent watching Discovery Channel; apparently his wings' shape compared to his body and the slots between his primaries make a combination that matches some kind of vulture archetype. He remembers that vulture wings are made for soaring and suddenly his chest fills with an excitement beyond comprehension. He erases every sound coming from below and flies higher, as quickly as he can, enjoying the deafening sound of the wind. He realises that it's not annoying, and that his eyes aren't even watering. It seems he's meant for this. He stops mid-air when it's starting to get really cold.

He looks down. Yeah, he shouldn't be able to spot the others but he does. Apparently, that thing with the focused bird-vision prey-catching thing works.

Okay, so there's his own prey.

He dives, head first, and realises his balance is, for once, perfect. He's never experienced anything like this before but Goddamn him if he's not enjoying the hell out of it. He focuses on his target and increases his speed.

Maybe he's going a little bit too far, but right now he's just too excited to care.

* * *

_Dean_

"Where the hell is he?"

Dean shades his eyes with his hand as he keeps looking in the sky for Cas. He has decided not to think how surreal this situation is and just focuses on searching instead. It's been a while since he took off and now he's nowhere to be seen.

"Anna, how far can he go?"

Anna just shrugs, but she looks worried too. Sam and Jo are also looking up for any signs.

"I've no idea", answers Anna. "He was never able to fly well, so I guess he's just excited. I hope he doesn't overdo it".

"Wait", Dean says and points at a black spot he sees above some clouds. "What's that? Is that him?"

"No way", says Anna in disbelief. "There's no way he could go that high".

"Guess again", says Jo. "He's coming at us!"

Dean can clearly see it now: that's definitely the shape of a winged person falling at an incredible speed. He can see Cas' wings spread behind him, motionless, only to stabilise his fall. Dean isn't sure if they should leave, making him room to land; he trusts Cas to land safely. And he doesn't want to leave, just in case Cas needs someone to catch him. He glimpses Anna pushing Sam and Jo to the side.

"Dean!" Sam yells. "Get out of the way!"

Dean barely shakes his head as he sees Cas spreading his wings to his sides, immediately slowing down near the ground but still coming towards him quickly; then Cas almost attacks him.

Dean lets out a grunting exhale as Cas falls on him and doesn't even have time to take a breath before he feels his feet leaving the ground.

"Cas!" he cries, wrapping his arms around Cas' neck. He feels Cas' grip around his waist strengthen and he hears a chuckle as their speed increases and they go higher. He dares to take a side-look at Cas' face.

"What the fuck, Cas?!"

Castiel gives him a look and smiles. "Don't worry, Dean. I've got you".

"Cas, take me down!" Dean _does not_ shriek. "This isn't funny, man, you know I'm scared of flying!"

"Good thing that _I'm_ doing the flying, then".

Dean takes advantage of a merciful slowing down to wrap his legs around Cas' waist. He feels completely ridiculous as he's hanging helpless from the neck of his flying almost-boyfriend with only the view of an endless blue, interrupted by some clouds, and two enormous black wings, beating against the wind.

Cas slows down even more and stops in mid-air. Dean doesn't dare to look down.

"Why—why did you stop?" he asks, his voice trembling.

"Look at me", says Cas quietly. Dean doesn't let go, and he's satisfied to feel Cas' arms tighten around him as well, but he draws back a little bit to be able to look at Cas' face.

He doesn't know what he's expecting, but definitely not this. Cas' face is red from the cold wind, his hair is ruffled and his breathing is fast, but it's not only excitement in there. His eyes reflect the sky in a way Dean can't explain; their blue is pleading him. Dean suddenly feels like Cas really belongs in the sky, and maybe, just maybe, this is the first place he's ever belonged in.

And the first person he chose to share his awesome new world is Dean.

In Dean's surprise, Cas looks away. "I'm sorry", he says. "I guess I got too excited. I acted on the heat of the moment. Is this too bad? Do you want us to go back down?"

Dean shakes his head. "I'm not gonna look down though, okay?"

Cas' face brightens under his embarrassment. "I just wanted you to fly with me", he says and Dean feels a piece of his heart melt – a fact that he's never going to admit in front of Sammy. "I didn't care that much about seeing the view".

"Next time, I'll also see the view", Dean promises and winks as best as possible while having a several hundred feet gap under his feet. He doesn't need to see Cas' face to feel his excitement; his heartbeat is speaking for itself.

"Next time?" Cas asks shyly.

"Definitely", Dean says, nodding. "Now let's move. _This_ is worse than actually flying", and he tightens his grip around Cas, placing both arms above his angel's shoulders, both legs around his waist and his head in the curve of his neck. He feels Cas' arms holding him tight as he beats his wings a couple of times and increases speed.

Dean realises he's not afraid anymore. The wind is cool and it feels awesome on his hair and back and his head fits perfectly in Cas' neck. The beating wings are actually a pretty cool sight – damn, each of these things is longer than Dean is tall, he realises now that he's seeing them from up close – and in the end, it's not such a bad experience. If nothing else, he's getting to appreciate Cas' scent; he smells of sweat and adrenaline and frost and simple deodorant, and another strange scent that Dean can't put his finger on, but he likes anyway. He sniffs hard and his hand moves up from Cas' shoulders to his nape. At that moment, Dean can't hear anything over the sound of the wind, except maybe his own heartbeat. He passes his fingers through Cas' hair and hears the angel gasp and feels his heartbeat quicken against his chest.

He places his lips against Cas' ear.

"Kiss me, you wonderful feathery freak", he whispers.

And then Cas has stopped mid-air and he's holding Dean in a way that has nothing to do with safety, and the boys' lips are pressed together, and they're opening to give their tongues a taste of sky and excitement and pure love.

_Suck that, mainstream kiss in the rain, _Dean thinks vaguely as he gives in and completely forgets about where he's standing.


	11. Petrichor

_(I had to choose the smell of the ground after the rain as a title for this chapter; it's basically how life goes on after an event like this._

_You're probably waiting for a huge chapter and I'm sorry to disappoint you. I was horribly tied up at work these days and this is all I could come up with. I preferred to give you a small filler than taking ages to upload a proper chapter. I hope you forgive me._

_Oh! And don't worry guys… Many of you were worried about tragic things happening to our boys. I assure you, if I wanted horrible things to happen to them, I'd just rewatch the series. I confirm that this fic will become sappier and sappier._

_Enjoy!)_

_**Chapter 11 – Petrichor**_

_Sam_

"Okay, Sammy. Here we are. If you even breathe in a weird way in front of dad, I swear I'm gonna shave your head when you're asleep".

"I'll behave".

"You better".

Sam does his best to hide his smirk as he and Dean enter the house late in the evening. Their dad's nap is over, judging from the sound of the TV in the living room. Dean's fingers point at his eyes and then at Sam while the boys are walking towards John. Sam gets the point, but is still half-smiling, and he saves his teasing for later; he's neither insensitive nor stupid enough to tease Dean for his Disney-level, mid-flight kiss in front of John.

John looks up as they come in and turns the TV to mute. "Hey, boys! Where've you been?"

"Out", answers Dean and he collapses on the couch. "Cas got some new stuff and he told us to go with him to test them out, along with Anna and Jo".

"New stuff?" John asks. "What kind of stuff?"

"Sporty stuff", answers Dean and John nods, probably satisfied. Sam has to give his brother that, he's acting pretty cool for a guy who was kissing passionately in the air another dude less than a couple of hours ago. If it was Sam, he would have probably lost it by now.

"So what are your plans for these days, Dad?" asks Sam. "I thought you were gonna meet Bobby and Ellen tonight".

"Nah, Ellen's too busy at the bar and she wants no distractions", says John. "We're gonna catch up tomorrow. Will you boys be fine?"

Sam almost snorts at that; what was one more day spent alone when they'd been living practically by themselves for so long? He doesn't say anything, though; he just nods along with Dean.

"Oh, by the way", says John with sudden excitement, "you'll never believe what I found in Louisiana the other day".

Sam learnt a long time ago that his father uses this tone when he wants to talk cars. Dean looks quite excited at that possibility too, so Sam quietly takes his leave. He never shared his father and brother's passion about cars. And frankly, he's wondering how the hell can Dean be this calm when it's been less than twenty-four hours since he learnt about the existence of an entirely unknown species that supposedly belongs in the sphere of legends, and on top of that, it's their _childhood friends_ that are a part of this species.

Sam frowns as he takes a bottle of cranberry juice from the fridge and walks upstairs to his room, to the sound of excited car-babble from the living room. He shakes his head. Relatives. Cars. Secrets. Freaking _angels_. Who'd have thought?

He decides he'll interrogate Cas and Anna as soon as possible.

* * *

_Anna_

"I still can't believe you never told me about this before".

"Sorry".

"I mean, I get it, but it doesn't stop bothering me".

"I know. I'm sorry".

"Yeah".

Seriously, Anna shouldn't be this disappointed at Jo's reaction. Dammit, Jo just saw Cas flying around in those freakishly huge wings of his – which, for God's sake, still freak Anna out with their unexpected size – and she'd heard the entire story, and the only thing she's concerned about is the fact that she didn't know earlier. But still, Anna is really, really happy that she can talk freely to Jo about this. These few hours with all their cards open were really liberating, and Anna could easily keep on talking for a while; luckily, Jo has some free time before she goes home, so the two girls stay for a bit outside Anna's house.

Castiel has excused himself and gone inside the house and upstairs to his room to stretch his sore muscles; Anna guesses he must hurt everywhere. She can feel the happiness in his Grace, though, even through the brick walls. The day was pretty exciting for him, and Anna can't do anything but feel extremely happy for her brother, both for finally seeing him fly and finding a special someone. Even though it's a little weird that this someone happens to be Dean, but what can you do.

She sits under a tree and talks with Jo quietly, just in case anyone listens.

"So apart from the 'not telling you' part…" Anna starts, "what do you think?"

Jo sighs. "What can I say? I already told you most of it. I haven't quite realised it yet. I mean… mythical creatures. We're talking _actual mythical creatures_ here. I'm just trying to cope".

"Yeah, it's probably a lot to take in", says Anna

"It's still awesome, though".

Anna chuckles. "Thanks, I guess".

"So…" Jo starts, and Anna knows her friend has a million questions and is trying to figure out which one to ask first. "So do you… do you have wings too?"

Anna shakes her head. "No. My parents don't, either. Actually, it was pretty weird that Cas got them. He was born without them, you know. He just… grew a pair afterwards".

"Heh, 'grew a pair'".

"See what you did there".

They chuckle, and then Jo seems to get lost in her thoughts for a bit. "But if that's what happened to him… Well, doesn't it mean you could get them too, eventually?"

"Nah, I don't think so. Cas got them when he was four. I'm already thirteen. It's a little unlikely to happen now".

"But you never know", says Jo encouragingly.

"I guess you _really_ never know", Anna agrees. "Gabe has actually two pairs of wings and he was Cas' age when he got them. But I don't think I'll ever have them, anyway".

Jo hesitates.

"Would you like to?" she asks.

Anna shrugs. "I don't know. I grew up believing they weren't a nice thing to have, because trust me… Cas' condition as a kid? _Not_ pretty. He had troubles hiding them and everything, and he couldn't fly properly until now. They were mostly dead weight. I guess we have Dean to thank for his improvement", she says and both girls laugh. "Anyway", Anna continues, "I wouldn't like having it like him. I'm better off this way".

Jo frowns in thought. "So if Castiel got buffed up by a shock, then why don't we try to shock _you_? Maybe the same thing will happen".

"Or maybe I'll just have a heart attack from all the shocks", Anna chuckles. "Don't worry, I'm fine the way I am. And I'm even better now that you guys know about us. It was driving me crazy all these years".

"Well, I'm glad you told us", says Jo and smiles. Suddenly she laughs, loud and clear.

"What?" asks Anna.

"Oh, man, you guys are _screwed_", laughs Jo. "I'm just imagining Sam when he finally finds some time to interrogate you about all the angel things. His inner nerd is probably having panic attacks right now because he's already lost several years of cool info".

Anna can only laugh along and nod. She knows Jo is absolutely right.

* * *

_Dean_

"But this is practically impossible!"

"Sam, you're witnessing it with your own eyes. You've seen me fly, I've told you everything about my wings and you've got me having them out for half an hour now. I do not understand why you're not accepting the fact that another angel can have more than one pair of wings".

"Cas, I can barely understand how a human body can support one pair of eight-feet-long wings".

"But you saw it in action! How come you didn't wonder yesterday?"

"Because when you see a flying person, you just drop your jaw and take it! You don't second-guess it! Not until later, anyway".

Dean watches in amusement as Cas sighs and folds his massive wings closer to his back, probably to avoid knocking anything over, and he wonders if he should get to the kitchen and bring something to drink, but he stays in his place by the couch. He might be rolling his eyes at Sam's nerdy questions, but in reality he's very interested himself. And, to be honest, if he wants to someday call himself Cas' proper boyfriend, he'd better learn as much about him as possible.

He smiles as he considers what a good time he's having for the first time in a while. The only person missing is Gabriel, but they'll have to wait a few days for that. His dad's at Bobby's with Ellen, catching up, leaving house empty for the evening. Of course, Dean and Sam called Cas as soon as their father left, and within ten minutes he and Anna were there, to be followed by Jo in an impossibly short amount of time, like she ran all the way. Dean guesses she was as curious as Sam after yesterday's revelations. Now they're all scattered across the living room; Anna and Jo are sitting by the old dining table, talking; Sam and Cas have found comfort on the floor, having crossed their legs and started a cards game between them, which of course didn't last long; Dean is sitting by the couch, on the floor, and is just watching Sam and Cas talking.

"Okay", says Cas, finally giving up on playing cards and shuffles the pack, as Dean focuses on him and Sam again. "What do you want to know now that you're second-guessing it?"

Dean almost laughs at Sam's face brightening. "Well… pretty much everything", he says and chuckles awkwardly. "How do you even work? Biologically, I mean".

Cas seems baffled by the question. "Well… we're made of the same things as humans. Except our Grace. But that's more or less like a soul, so there's not much difference. It just makes us more… durable, if you like. But we're flesh and bone. We're not that different".

"No, I get that", says Sam quickly. "What I mean is… how do you work… anatomically?"

"Whoa, Sammy", Dean butts in. "I think we should leave the 'junkless angel' legends out of it, okay?"

Cas blushes but Sam groans. "Jeez, Dean!" he exclaims. "I meant the wings. Jesus".

It's Dean's turn to blush. "Oh", he says. "Okay. Sorry".

Sam rolls his eyes and turns his attention back on Castiel. "I can't believe you're dating this guy. Anyway, _anatomically_, how do the wings even stay in place? If that's not too weird to ask".

Cas just shrugs, ignoring the comment about Dean. "Well, our shoulder blades are wider and we have an second pair of pecks to support the extra limbs".

Sam blinks and even Dean looks at Cas in disbelief, focusing on his bare chest. "Are you shittin' with us, Cas?"

Castiel's eyes widen and he reminds Dean of a sad puppy. "Of course not", he says. "I'm just explaining to Sam—"

"Lemme see", Dean commands and comes close to Cas. Cas stands still and lets Dean examine his slim, pale chest from up close. It looks pretty normal to him. Sam also takes a close look.

Cas sighs. "You can't see them", he explains. "They're camouflaged under the rest of the muscles. Don't forget, if there's one species that's all about self-preservation, that's angels. If we showed an _eight-pack_ it would raise questions".

Dean leans back to his place, and so does Sam. The younger Winchester frowns.

"There's something else I don't understand", he says. "Why do angels need so much self-preservation? I mean, aren't you the stuff of legends, sort of? What do you have to fear?"

"Angels have walked the earth for thousands of years without being seen", Cas reminds him. "We can't just appear like the Invasion of the Winged People or something. People would be terrified. There are several millions of us worldwide, and I bet we'd all be turned into lab rats in seconds if we exposed ourselves".

"But why hide in the first place?" Sam insists. "The first angels who came to Earth… why choose to hide among the people? Why not show themselves in all their glory and be worshipped?"

"Because angels are followers by nature", Castiel explains. "Our ancestors were humble creatures who came to Earth because they liked it and wanted to experience it like humans did. We resemble humans much more than them, of course, but we're keeping the tradition. Also, as I told you, it's a practical problem; you can't just show people what you can do. Most people would be horrified".

"Like what happened with the X-Men", Dean suggests.

Cas half-smiles. "Yes, I guess you could say that".

Dean grins. Damn, this is pleasantly weird. It's like Cas is telling a fairy tale or an old legend, and it's a nice story; it's just that it's real. Dean really believes that this whole thing is so much bigger than him that he shouldn't try to comprehend it because he'll end up with migraines. It's so weird, though; it's still Cas, the Cas he knew all along, and it's still Anna over there, only they're not; they have something more, they _are_ something more and Dean doesn't complain. He swears he hasn't seen Cas this happy since… damn, he doesn't think he's ever seen Cas this happy.

He stays quiet as Sam bombards Cas with questions.

"So are you guys like immortal?"

"How come you're not super-religious? Aren't you supposed to be soldiers of God?"

"And are you even allowed to be together with humans?"

"If I touch your wing, does it hurt?"

"Where do they go when they're hidden?"

Dean has to admit Cas is one hell of a patient bastard. He answers every question of Sam's _("No, we're not", "We're not religious because we don't believe in God in the same way you don't believe in the mayor, we just know He's there and we go on with our lives", "I don't think it's happened many times, but I haven't heard of a law against it", "No, it doesn't, they're just limbs", "They're hidden by our Grace; you could say they go to another dimension"_), and if he's tired, he doesn't show it, even though Sam seems to gain ten new questions for every one asked.

Dean has started to come up with ways to stop Sam talking, when Anna and Jo come close, saving him the trouble.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys", says Anna. "We were thinking of ordering pizza. Can you make the phone call for us?"

"Yeah, sure", says Dean, already used to being the one who always makes the calls. He writes down everyone's preferences and smiles to himself as he sees Cas' face; now that he thinks nobody's looking, he really does look exhausted. Dean decides to share a pizza with him instead of Sam this time and even though he wonders for a moment how the hell he can be into a guy who puts pineapple on his pizza, he realises he's kinda missed Cas. He knows it's ridiculous, because there he is, they spent all this time together, but damn, he wants him to himself for a bit.

He makes the phone call and takes advantage of the fact that Anna and Jo have come closer again and are talking to Sam, and he follows Cas to the kitchen, where he's finding his way through the plates and napkins to have ready for when the food comes. His wings are tucked in that strange dimension of theirs and Dean finds it good for two reasons; first, they probably couldn't even fit in this tiny room, and second, he couldn't do _this_.

Cas inhales in surprise as Dean wraps his arms around his waist from behind and puts his head on his shoulder, gently rubbing their cheeks together.

"Dean", he murmurs, "we have company".

Dean snorts and smiles. "We're alone in here", he says in a low voice. "I thought you were never gonna stop talking to Sam".

"For a moment, so did I", says Cas and Dean feels his smile on his cheek more than he sees it. He can't help pressing a small kiss to Cas' cheek and he wonders when did he turn into such a big girl.

Oh, what the hell. He enjoys it.

He smiles as he turns Cas around to face him, and he's happy to see his expression reflected on his angel's face.

Hmm, "his angel". He's gonna be using this from now one.

"Do you wanna go back inside so you can take out those wings again?" he asks, but Cas shakes his head.

"I'm fine, really", he says. "I was used to keeping them hidden anyway, so I guess a part of me feels comfortable this way".

Dean is sure his disappointment shows in his face. "Bummer. I really like them".

Cas blinks. "You do?"

"Of course. Why shouldn't I?"

"Well, they're practically a constant reminder that you're dating someone who's not even human, so I'd understand if you weren't comfortable with them".

Dean laughs, causing Cas to give him a questioning look. "Dude, are you joking?" he says. "You're a freaking _angel_. Give me _one_ country's lore where it's not stated that you guys are like the definition of perfection. What part of _this_ sounds like something I wouldn't want to date? The fact that you want to be with me is incredible by itself".

To Dean's surprise, Cas blushes. "Don't say that", he mutters. "I'm just a normal guy. I can barely believe this is actually happening. We both know you're way out of my league", and he chuckles.

Dean snorts. "Are you doing this on purpose?" he asks. "Are you trying to collect compliments or something?"

"What?" Cas looks almost insulted. "Of course not, I—"

"Cas, ever since_ I met you _I thought you were out of my league".

Cas blinks, his mouth still open.

"What?"

"You heard me".

"_Me?_ Out of _your_ league?"

"Basically, out of _anybody's_ league".

Cas laughs. "Okay, I got it. You're into me. I'm sorry I doubted you. But don't tease me". He starts breaking free of Dean's gentle grip.

"Dude, I'm not!" Dean tightens his arms around Cas' waist. "I'm serious. Damn, I've been thinking about all that for some time now but it would be weird if we weren't dating, so I'm saying it now. And I mean it".

Cas rolls his eyes. "Dean, I was always the nerdy bookworm dressed in a million layers to hide his limp wings. I was never anything special".

"Why don't you trust yourself?" asks Dean. "Come on, man, seriously._ I wanted to be like you_ when we were kids. You always were the most awesome person I knew. I always thought that you would end up with some kind of a kinky librarian chick, or well, dude, I guess; a smart one, one that you can have good talks with. And I'm lucky enough that you have low standards".

"Excuse me, is it me or you that you're talking about?" asks Cas, teasingly.

"Oh, shut up", says Dean and pulls Cas onto himself, kissing him, tightening his arms around him. Cas' arms find their place around Dean's neck while he leans his head sideways to find comfort in the kiss. Dean can feel Cas' slight smile.

Just as a test, Dean bites gently Cas' lower lip. To his surprise, Cas answers opening his mouth, giving Dean permission to slip his tongue inside. Cas tastes like cheap orangeade and has a freshness in his mouth that makes Dean want to fly with him again.

Dean comes to the point of swearing that it's not humanly possible to have not stopped for breathing for this long; every sound of the rest of the house is a blur as he gets lost in Cas' wonderful everything.

"Umm… guys?"

Dean feels Cas stir a little but none of them breaks the kiss.

"Guys, come on".

Dean feels Cas' palms on his chest, pushing him away gently. They stop kissing and Dean sighs. He looks behind him, where there's a very, very red Sam.

"What?"

"Um… the pizzas are here", Sammy murmurs. "Sorry to interrupt. But this is, you know… the _kitchen_. The bedroom is upstairs, in case you forgot".

Dean rolls his eyes and looks at Cas, who seems embarrassed. "Okay, okay", he says.

Sam nods and goes back to the living room.

Cas smiles awkwardly. "We'd better go", he says. Dean blinks.

"Are you sure?" he asks, uncertain. Cas gives him a half-lopsided smile.

"I meant the living room with the others, Dean".

"Oh". Dean is sure he's blushing. "Yeah, so did I".

He's sure there's something sympathetic in the way Cas' fingers lace with his own, but there's something hidden in that smile as Cas pulls him to the living room and Dean knows it. He smiles conspiringly.

Oh, yes. This is gonna be very interesting.


	12. Miracles

_**A/N: **__I sincerely apologise for the time it took me to write this chapter. I got lost with GISHWHES and then NaNoWriMo, and it took a long time for me to get back in the world of this fic. I promised I would end it, though, and I won't leave it unfinished, no matter how long it takes._

_Anyway, I made this a not so long, but at least juicy chapter. I hope you forgive me for my absence. I love you all!_

_**Chapter 12 - Miracles**_

_Gabriel_

"Spill it all, Novak".

"Over my dead body".

"Don't challenge me".

Cas doesn't answer, he just smiles teasingly and puts on his headphones, still painting the highest part of wall. Gabriel has a very strong urge to kick the ladder and make his cousin become one with the floor, but he fights it. He's gonna get what he wants, eventually.

He wipes the sweat off his brow and smiles as he looks around. Their little flat looks awesome, and he can honestly say he's really, really happy.

He and Uncle Luke came back from Missouri two days ago, and to Gabe's pleasure, they found all kinds of awesome things waiting for them.

For starters, Gabriel could smell the scent of happy Cas in the air from a mile away. He realised things were going great with him and Dean the moment he opened the door of Uncle Luke's car and saw the very subtle looks between those two, and the eye-rolls they were getting from the others; he could have claimed it was his insight that confirmed the vibes he was getting, if he couldn't also feel Cas' Grace vibrating with excitement. Every day he silently congratulated himself for bringing Cas back to Lawrence.

As soon as Gabe and Uncle Luke came back, Cas moved from his parents' attic to the flat. The three of them got down to business the moment they stepped foot in the place. Uncle Luke had gotten a van to bring everything they needed from Missouri and, both Gabriel and Castiel had to admit, he did everything he could to make sure they'd be comfortable. He'd brought them some of his old devices, like a stove, a fridge and a microwave. He'd managed to build on his own several pieces of furniture that he couldn't or wouldn't buy for them; Gabriel had laughed a lot at Castiel's expression when Uncle Luke told him he'd made a new, double sized bed for him, because he might need it.

Most of the things stayed in the van at first, and the work had started by the painting of the walls; the owner, Mr Crowley, had told them they could paint the place however they wanted, as long as they repainted it when they moved out. Gabe and Cas had argued for a while about the colours, but in the end, they'd agreed in a bright, yellowish green for the main room, where Gabe would be sleeping in, and turquoise for two of Cas' room's walls. Gabriel had decided to let his cousin have the bedroom for his own; one, Gabe has no sense of privacy, so he doesn't care whether anyone's watching him, and two, Cas has still one year of high school; he'll need the place to study.

Slowly, and with the help of Dean and Sam, and sometimes Bobby too, the place starts to actually look like home. Uncle Luke gives Gabe his credit card before he sends him and Cas to Ikea, with a blessing to get the best things and a curse to fall in a sewer if they overcharge it with stuff they don't need at all. Gabe considers himself lucky to have Cas there because he swears he'd have taken everything if it wasn't for his cousin to hold him back; even though Cas is equally excited about shopping for a home of their own, he's more restrained than Gabe and definitely has more sense about what they actually need. They spend at least ten minutes and a full lunch in an argument on whether they actually need a kids' galaxy-decorated bed cover-tent-thingy (they have no idea what it's actually supposed to be), and Cas finally wins, declaring that they don't need to charge such stuff in Uncle Luke's card. He does buy it for Gabe with his own money, though, because he hasn't gotten him anything for his birthday.

Generally, the days are so busy that all Gabe has the time to think about is the house. He hasn't forgotten about his cousin's new sort-of-boyfriend, though, and he plans on teasing the crap out of him.

_Castiel_

As soon as most of their stuff is moved upstairs in the flat and the walls are done, Gabe takes off for the coffeehouse downstairs; he's starting tonight and even though he's a little grumpy about it, Cas knows his cousin is actually really proud he's gonna be making his own money. Cas has contemplated the chance to get a job himself, too, but he prefers to see how the new year at school is going to be like. He doesn't want to ruin his chances to go to college by giving all his time to a job. For now, though, all he can do is wait.

Not having anything else to do at home, he lays on the couch with one leg on its back and his wings spread almost across the room; he decides to text Dean. He reaches for his cell and starts typing, his cheeks feeling a little warmer already.

_Hey there. Are you in the mood for a movie? _

The answer comes immediately, like Dean was waiting over the phone for a text.

_You bet. Come over and I'll make popcorn._

Cas smiles. _I'll be there in an hour. By the way, no westerns._

Dean's answer comes a little later than before and Cas knows it's because Dean is trying to express his disappointment in a way that won't risk ruining their sappy mood.

_Fine. But no chick-flicks either._

Castiel snorts. What's Dean taking him for? He decides that he might not be Gabe, but he knows how to tease people too. _I'd like some adventure. Is Twilight okay?_

He bites his lip while waiting for Dean's answer, forcing himself not to laugh, wondering whether he took it too far.

After a few minutes, the answer comes. _The next time you suggest anything like that, I'll actually let you go through with it, you feathery freak. If you want vampires, I can agree on Blade._

Castiel laughs as he answers. _I don't want to see that again, but if you want blood, I'll trade it for Jurassic Park. The first one._

The answer comes. _Deal. :)_

_See you in an hour._

Castiel lets his cell beside him and smiles at the ceiling for a moment. How has his life become so perfect? A month ago he was sulking in his uncle's house, not even dreaming about how much his life would change. It's amazing how much he turned out to need Dean in his life.

It isn't just Dean, he reminds himself. It's everything. Being close to Anna again, confronting his parents, seeing Sam and Jo, finding a place to share with Gabriel on their own; everything has played a part. But yes, the best thing to happen to him is Dean.

He sighs as he gets up and out of his sweatpants, going for a quick shower. He ends up cleaning himself more thoroughly than usual, for some reason that he's not entirely sure of, but makes him blush anyway; he even tries to groom his wings as best as possible. He gives up after he realises that there's no chance he'll make the inner secondary feathers to looks as good as the primaries, and that – awkward blush – his wings have become even more sensitive after their growth spurt and even the slightest touch at this point makes him shudder. He tries not to think that it wasn't like this a few days ago, and that it only seems to happen to him now that his entire brain is full of Dean.

He tucks his wings back into their other-dimensional cocoon and dresses up with a pair of light blue jeans and a white shirt; it's practically a proper date, even if it's just a movie at home, so he can't help wanting to look a bit nice. Not wanting to look very formal, he decides to go with his black Converse shoes again.

He takes a look at the mirror before he leaves and he's surprised to see his reflection grinning. Wow. He's probably a lot happier than he'd originally thought.

He really doesn't mind.

_Dean_

Dean's explosion of anger is one of those that threaten to tear down the entire neighbourhood. It seems that Sam, Jo and Anna have no intention of leaving the house, because they have nowhere else to go; John is at Ellen's house before they go to the bar and Anna's parents only allowed her to go out as long as it was just across the street. The thirteen-year-olds promise to behave and stay mostly in Sam's room playing board games or watching films in his computer, but that doesn't stop Dean from being mad; he'd hoped he and Cas would be alone tonight.

His bad mood doesn't last for long, though; when he opens the front door after the bell rings, all he can think about is how good Cas is looking tonight, with his shy, happy smile and the shirt that makes an unearthly contrast with his dark hair. Dean notices that Cas' face is a little stubbly, and suddenly feels the atmosphere getting warmer. He will never say it, but all he can think about is how Cas truly looks like an angel.

After a small kiss on the lips and a couple of awkward greetings, Cas settles on the couch and Dean goes to the kitchen to make the popcorn. Dean feels really weird, but the good kind of weird. It's been a few days since their passionate mid-air kiss and the intimate moments in the kitchen that Sam loathed so much, and with all the preparations for Cas and Gabe's house they didn't have the time to make this whatever-it-was official. So now, Dean finds himself wanting nothing more than to take Cas to his room and kiss every inch of him, but also wondering whether he should make a move. If it was anyone else, he would have done it; but with Cas, things are different. It isn't just that he's the most beautiful person Dean has ever met; he's also one of the people Dean respects the most. Let alone the fact that the guy's a freaking angel. So after a few days of the first enthusiasm, Dean isn't sure if that exact enthusiasm is still applicable to their situation.

He brings the popcorn and finds Cas smiling at him, having curled up in the couch, with the movie ready on the DVD.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Sure", says Dean and sits beside Cas, close enough for their hips and shoulders to touch. "Dig in".

The film starts and it pleasantly reeks of 90's. Cas watches with the enthusiasm of someone who's grown up with a film and hasn't seen it for ages, but Dean finds it difficult to concentrate on the screen; he prefers to focus on Cas' facial expressions. He can hear the helicopter and Alan Grant's enthusiasm, and then the first dinosaur screeches, but he's completely lost. He doesn't care a bit about the movie, and he really doesn't think he can take another hour of Cas enjoying it.

Not so gently, he puts his arm around Cas' shoulders and draws him closer, half-expecting him to push him away until the movie's over.

To his pleasant surprise, though, Cas turns and looks at him, having forgotten about the movie completely.

Cas smiles softly, his eyes still focused on Dean's. "Thank God", he murmurs. "I was wondering whether it would be inappropriate of me to have come to your house and make the first move".

Dean inhales loudly as Cas turns and puts both his arms around Dean's shoulders, bringing their faces just a couple of inches away. Dean hadn't expected Cas to be this straightforward, but to be honest, he doesn't mind a bit. "Well aren't you learning quickly", he comments gently as he wraps his arms around Cas' waist and brings him even closer. For a moment, he's lost in Cas' eyes, and then he feels Cas' warm breath on his face, and desperately leans in to get a taste. Cas leans on him as they kiss hungrily, like there's no tomorrow, and Dean ends up on his back, with Cas on top of him, having lost track of time; there's only him and Cas and this moment, nothing else.

Dean's hands start travelling on Cas' waist, first just stroking him, then more daring, lifting the edge of his shirt and touching the skin underneath. Cas makes a little satisfied noise, without breaking what Dean swears must be the longest kiss in history, and brings his hands in a position where they can explore Dean's neck and jawline and chest. Dean feels like he could explode just by the feeling of those fingers on his skin; his pants have started to feel really tight. Just like he was reading Dean's thoughts, Cas shifts a little bit and lets his thigh rub against Dean's crotch; Dean feels like he could come only from that.

He tries to open his legs a bit so Cas' can fit better between them, but suddenly he feels Cas slipping. Dean opens his eyes, breaking the kiss, and all he sees for a fragment of a second is Cas' surprised look, before he's dragged along with Cas, falling from the couch and landing on top of him.

They look at each other for a second, and then Cas laughs. Dean joins in, vaguely noticing that the TV set is still showing people dying by dinosaurs.

"The couch was a bad idea, wasn't it?" asks Dean, not moving from his casual laying-on-Cas'-stomach position.

"Maybe", Cas agrees, still smiling. He doesn't seem to be bothered by Dean's weight on top of him.

Dean leans closer, pressing a small kiss to Cas' lips. "Wanna move this upstairs?" he whispers with a smile.

Cas' grin is more than enough. Dean gets up and helps Cas to his feet, and then they run upstairs to Dean's room, without even bothering to stop the movie. Dean closes the door and, after giving it a second's thought, he locks it.

They look at each other, and Cas' slightly shy look makes Dean's chest want to explode. And it's then when he realises that he's not falling for Cas.

He's already head over heels for him.

And he wants this to be something they'll both remember for a long time. So, instead of anything else, he just smiles.

Cas smiles back. "What?" he asks.

Dean shrugs and approaches him. "I don't know", he says. "I'm just happy to have you, I guess".

Cas rolls his eyes, still smiling. "Man, I was away for too long" he teases. "When did you become the touchy-feely guy?"

"Shut up", Dean murmurs and presses a small kiss on Cas' lips. Cas responds and Dean can taste his smile, and the hands sliding on his waist are the best thing ever.

Dean feels a little tug on his shirt as Cas pulls him towards himself; he takes a couple of steps backwards and he falls backwards on Dean's bed, taking Dean with him. He doesn't even make a sound when Dean's larger mass falls on him. Dean brings his hands back on Cas' stubbly jawline, and then lets them go a little bit downwards, gently stroking Cas' Adam's apple and opening the first button of his shirt, slipping underneath and stroking his collarbone. Dean opens a second button as his hands travel on Cas' chest, on the smooth skin and the few hairs and the very, very normal pectorals; at least, one of the two pairs Cas is supposed to have. And then Dean pulls back.

"What?" asks Cas, his surprised look almost comical.

"I won't do it like this", Dean announces in a low voice. "I won't have any pretences".

Cas frowns, still a little short of breath. "What do you mean?"

Dean raises himself so that he's sitting on Cas' lap, one leg on each side, and waits for Cas to raise himself on his elbows. "You're not human", he starts. He sees Cas' eyes widening , and goes on. "And I won't have you pretending to be one while we're here".

"Dean—" Cas starts, but Dean leans forward and puts a soft, short kiss on Cas' lips.

"No need to hide", he mutters in Cas' ear. "If I do this, I'll do it with every bit of yourself, not just the parts you suppose I'm used to".

For a moment, there's only Cas' breath in Dean's ear. "Are you sure?" Cas asks quietly.

Dean smiles. "Go for it", he says.

Cas lets out a little laugh and then, with a quick move, he turns Dean over and suddenly he's on top of him. This time, Dean watches carefully as Cas takes off his shirt and the air shimmers around his shoulder blades and makes Dean's hands, previously laying there, to go all warm and tingly. Then the air darkens in spots but it also looks like it's glowing, and in the end the bright darkness takes the shape of two huge arches over the boys' heads. Dean notices that, even though there are sixteen extra feet of Cas on top of him, his weight hasn't changed a bit. Then he forgets about that, as he gets lost in the changing colours of black feathers under the electric light, and he swears he has never, ever seen anything more beautiful in his entire life.

He looks straight up and into Cas' half-shy, half-excited eyes and takes his previous thought back.

Not knowing exactly what one does with his sort-of-boyfriend's _wings_, Dean reaches up Cas' waist and stops right before he touches the base of the wing; he swears the air is actually warmer around it. He looks Cas questioningly, unsure if he's allowed to touch, realising he has never _actually touched_, and that he wants it more than anything. Cas smiles and gives him a little encouraging nod, and Dean's fingers dig themselves between the soft feathers in the base of Cas' wings.

Dean's jaw drops in surprise and – oh God – _pleasure_, as he realises this is better than he could ever imagine. He's touched bird feathers before, and he knows they're soft and kinda cool and sort of smelly, and he doesn't expect much more; he only knows he _really needs to touch_. But it turns out it doesn't feel like feathers at all; at least, not the ones Dean's used to. He feels like he's put his hands into some kind of a pool of silken cotton, warm and softer than a summer breeze, and very, very _alive_. He stops moving his fingers for a second and he realises he can feel Cas' pulse under the skin, because fuck fuck _fuck_, Cas has two extra limbs covered in freaking _feathers_ because he's a _freaking angel of the Lord_, or a descendant of them, or whatever, and Dean is sure he should feel more blasphemous at the moment, but the only thing he can think about is the throbbing between his legs, because holy mother of fuck, he never thought he would think these words in this particular order, but _wings are so fucking hot_. He remembers Cas' words, _"who knew? Dean Winchester has a wing kink"_, and he realises Cas couldn't have been more right.

"Dean?" he hears a murmur above him and realises he has no idea how to deal with wings and feathers. He looks up, worried.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks quickly, but before he even manages to finish his sentence, he notices that Cas is almost panting on top of him, his mouth half-open and his pupils dilated, and his own eyes widen.

"It's just…" Cas starts and inhales shakily, "if you're about to play with my feathers, you should know that they're… very, very sensitive".

Dean can't hold back his grin. "You're turned on", he realises and doesn't even stop himself from speaking his thoughts out loud. Cas' gulp is more than an answer.

"Awesome", Dean mumbles, and realises the throbbing between his legs hasn't stopped at all. He opens his legs a bit, allowing Cas' thigh between them, and Cas' crotch to rub on his own thigh, and he feels a rush of excitement at the hardness he feels there. The rubbing offers some relief, but Dean's breath is short now, and he can't keep his hands to himself. He ruffles Cas' feathers with his fingers, reaching higher, where they become a little more defined, less like cotton and more like actual heavenly fabric. He grabs tight, not knowing if it's the right thing to do, acting on instinct, and hears Cas gasping; Dean doesn't need to look at his face to know it's pleasure, not pain. He figures feathers work a little bit like hair; ruffle, play with, grab and pull a little if you want to be rough, don't overdo it. Cool.

Cas' wings twitch as Dean's fingers stroke them playfully, and Cas' breath is fast and hot now, and Dean doesn't even have the time to think how bizarre this whole thing is. He closes his eyes, lost in the sound and warmth of Cas' breath and the softness of his feathers and – oh God – the firm touch of Cas' long fingers on his abdomen and shoulders.

As Dean gets lost in the wonderful, feathery mess that is Castiel, time seems to lose its meaning. He has no idea how long they've been kissing greedily, and how many times he has stroked and grabbed the base of Cas' wings, and he honestly cannot remember when and how they took off the rest of their clothes and started rubbing their cocks together, patiently, not wanting to end this early. He can swear he can now recall every shape in Castiel's feathers and recognise every little detail by touch only.

At some point, and as Dean is sure they need to do something more than rubbing and touching now, his right hand squeezes at the bottom of Cas' wing, wanting to tease him, and Cas nearly comes. For a confused moment, Dean thinks angels can come through their feathers, feeling something slick and oily wetting his fingers, and then he vaguely remembers something he'd heard about birds once, how they produce oil to keep their plumage in shape, and how some of them use their oil to attract mates. Dean laughs as he thinks of Cas as a giant bird, really – how can angels be so simple to figure out? – and he looks at the oil closely, as Cas lets out a long, shaky breath above him.

"Dean", he mutters. "Don't—"

"Why?" whispers Dean, and he's sure the redness in Cas' face isn't just because they're really, really hot.

"This means… serious stuff", Cas says in a shaky voice, and Dean feels a little hint of pride for making Castiel Novak forget his huge collection of beautiful words. "It means… mate".

"For life?" asks Dean.

"For… very, very long". Cas gulps, as he's still shivering. "You'd better wash it. Don't let it on your skin for too—"

Dean has no idea why he does this, but without a second thought, he licks his finger, watching Cas' eyes widen and his chest shake and his wings puff out and arch over the two of them, bigger and more aroused than ever, and he tastes of something sweet and salty at the same time, and something purely, genuinely _Cas_. The next thing he knows is that Cas' mouth is shutting his own and he hears moaning, and he's not sure whether it's Cas or himself. He brings a hand lower, grabbing both their dicks, and they're almost there, and the other hand, still oily, traces Cas' jawline greedily and goes lower again, going for the wing, grabbing every feather, wanting more, before his face is buried in Cas' neck, kissing, biting, moaning. Cas' hands are one under Dean's waist and one on his ass, and the two of them are a wonderful mess of sweat and noise and want, and just as Dean swears he could go on like this forever, Cas' fingers pass through his hair and his other hand is down on his own next to their dicks and by Cas' touch alone he knows that no, not forever, and he muffles his moan inside Cas' mouth as he comes between their stomachs, and a few seconds later Cas buries his face in Dean's neck to stop his shaky scream, and their stomachs are double a mess.

Cas collapses on top of Dean, his eyes blissfully closed, his breath as shaky as Dean's, his wings folded loosely on his back; Dean doesn't need to see Cas' smile to know that it's there. He can feel it against his skin, and it matches his own.

They lay there quietly for a while, noticing the loud music coming from Sam's room for the first time. Dean realises that they were probably too loud, and feels a little guilty for not feeling guilty about it. He's here, and Cas is there too. That's all that matters.

He doesn't ask Cas if he liked it. It's cliché and ridiculous and Dean Winchester is above that. Besides, if Cas felt half the things Dean did, then hell yeah he liked it.

There's only one last thing to be settled.

"Cas?" Dean murmurs against the top of Cas' head.

"Yes?" Cas responds, almost purring,

"Can I be your boyfriend?"

Cas slowly looks up, smiling, and he presses a small kiss to Dean's mouth.

"You can be whatever you want, you idiot", he says.

And they stay there, curled up, in a warmth that has nothing to do with the summer heat, and Dean, for the first time in his life, believes in miracles.


	13. Seventeen

_A/N: Sorry to take this long._

_As you've probably noticed, the fic ends with this chapter. I had originally planned for it to be longer, but since I had to take a big break from it, I kind of lost inspiration for it. So, I preferred to end it now, while I can still think of a few good things, than going on with it and making it horrible or completely letting go of it. I hate unfinished fics, and I know that so do you._

_So this is it. Thank you all for being with me on this journey, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter._

_If many people request it, I swear I'll write a sequel._

_Love you all_

_~Cass_

_PS: You can find this fic under the same name and the same username in AO3, if for any reason you want to have a pdf version or a mobi one for your e-reader. If you do, thanks and I love you._

* * *

_Castiel_

"So, time for presents?"

"Gabe, we haven't even cut the cake yet!"

"Exactly, the cake is the best part. So, presents now".

Castiel sighs at his cousin's excitement, but doesn't lose his smirk. The truth is, he's been looking forward to opening his huge pile of presents – mostly because everyone has promised not to give him one present for both his birthday and Christmas this year. And he might never admit it, but he loves that this year his birthday's actually kind of a big deal.

To be honest, he loves everything about his birthday this time. It's been a good year, especially the second half of it. And it all started at Gabe's birthday, surprisingly, when he agreed on joining his cousin in this insane trip back to Lawrence; he's not used to many good things coming from celebrating with Gabe (he's still trying to forget the incident with the chicken and the naked magician). He really can't believe he didn't want to go with his cousin at first. He thinks about how much things have changed and laughs quietly to himself.

He looks around and he can't even believe how happy he is. His home truly feels like home, with the smell of cake and freshly baked pie and everyone around him smiling. Gabriel is there, of course, and he looks like it's the happiest day of his life. He's the one who insisted on them baking a pie as well as a cake – not that Dean hadn't seconded the idea with disturbing enthusiasm; baking pies was one of the few things that Balthazar, Gabe's fellow waiter, managed to teach him during the one week they were dating, before they both realized there wasn't a chance for that to work, so they became best friends instead. Balthazar passed by too, taking care of the pie, and honouring his own gift (a bottle of red wine) before he left. Castiel is actually very happy Gabriel found a friend closer to his age group, and he has to admit Balthazar is a pretty cool guy, once you get past his somehow pretentious attitude.

Uncle Luke has come too, and has brought his new German shepherd puppy with him. Sam has been drooling over little Gaspode all afternoon (mostly because he loved the name, recognising it as a Discworld reference), and has gotten into a geeky talk with Uncle Luke about giant turtles moving in space.

Jo is there, of course, and she's brought a ton of board games with her; Jungle Speed, Trivial Pursuit, Taboo, Jenga and a couple more that Castiel has never heard of, they're all placed on the table carefully and are waiting for everyone to finish laughing and joking and get on the "serious stuff", as Jo calls it.

Anna is also there, sitting in a corner, looking gleeful. Castiel got used to her new red hair more easily than their parents; then of course, it might have been her newly erupted, blood-red wings that they didn't really approve of. Proving Jo right, Anna got sick one day about two months ago, and she was lucky Castiel had been over for a visit and recognised the symptoms, because when he and Dean took her out as quick as possible, the explosion of her suppressed Grace was so intense it took out the street lamps for an entire mile. It was worth it, though, because Anna had never been happier, and Castiel was glad to finally be all big-brothery about her and teach her how to fly and everything.

Castiel's parents passed by that morning, bringing him their present and dropping Anna by. Castiel can say that he's satisfied about how things are working between him and his family; they've all gotten used to a "live and let live" attitude, which is way better than anything they had so far. And if Sarah and Nazael Novak were ever annoyed to find out their son is gay, they had the courtesy to never show it; they still smile politely at Dean and greet his father, whenever he's at home.

Dean's father, now, wasn't that supporting of his son having a boyfriend, but after a couple of months, he eventually got used to it. Dean says that he's certain that his father still hopes his elder son will give it up and get back together with Lisa, but the truth is that Dean doesn't care that much. He usually says he's happy as it is, when Castiel asks him about it.

Generally, things are going pretty well for them, Castiel thinks. Even when their classes started again, and they had to decide whether they would go out in the school or hide their relationship – it was a long talk that lasted throughout a wing grooming, a pizza, a fight, a make-up sex, another fight, another make-up sex, a long walk for ice cream, and the entire extended Lord of the Rings trilogy. Even then, it seemed like the decision to go full out at school was the best. Lisa was a bit shocked, and some of Dean's old pals had a few things to say, but Cas and Dean weren't about to let anyone give them shit. Castiel notices, in his surprise, that even their popularity starts to increase. Not that he cares that much, but it's nice. It's a good change to his old life, even though he doesn't really take the opportunities he's given to spend his time with other people from the school. Usually, his free time is full of Dean.

"Hey, what are you dreaming about?"

Castiel blinks, taken away from his thoughts, and looks up to see Dean smiling at him.

"Sorry, I guess I'm a bit absentminded today", says Castiel with an apologetic smile. Dean laughs and gives him a small kiss on the lips.

"You'd better snap out of it", he says teasingly. "The pie's ready and Gabe insists you open your presents first".

Castiel gets up and walks to the small living room with his boyfriend, where everyone is waiting for him.

"You really didn't have to do all this", he murmurs, suddenly feeling a little awkward to have to open this many presents, but Gabriel rolls his eyes.

"Stop being modest, you're the birthday boy", he says. "Oh, wait…" he takes a small package from the top of the pile and hides it behind his back. "Mine last".

Castiel just laughs and shrugs; he's used to Gabriel's strange manners by now.

He takes the first present and unwraps it. Judging from the fluttering of Anna's wings, this is from her; she really can't control her wings' emotional reactions to save her life. Castiel looks at the present and a big grin is carved on his face.

"You're the best, Anna", he says quietly as his sister hugs him excitedly. "I have no idea where you got the money for all this, but I love it".

He puts the entire "Song of Ice and Fire" book series on the couch and opens the next one.

They are all amazing, and Cas can't help but feel touched. Jo has brought him the extended version of Jungle Speed, being the board game freak that she is, and to be honest, Cas can't wait to try it out.

Sam, being an awesome little hacker, has brought him a CD full of cracked drawing programmes. Castiel really can't believe it; he knows the Winchesters' bad financial situation and he'd told them not to buy him anything, but he didn't really expect this. The hugs and thank-you's last for some time.

Next, Castiel unwraps his parents' gift. It's a collection of CDs by Blackmore's Night. Polite, efficient; a stranger's present, maybe, but Cas is sure going to use it.

Uncle Luke's gift is far from awesome. Ever since he'd come to Lawrence wearing that tan trench coat of his, Castiel has been wearing it all the time, so last time Uncle Luke came by, he demanded it back. And now, he's brought Cas one of his own.

"I won't have you wearing my old crap", was all he said.

Two presents to go. Castiel glances at Dean, but he doesn't look disappointed that his own gift isn't going to be the last one. It's quite small, wrapped with newspapers on which Dean has made a few colourful, sloppy shapes to make them look better. Cas, for some reason, takes care not to rip it.

He opens it and his jaw drops. When did they even take that picture?

Inside the childish, macaroni-decorated frame, is the best photograph Cas has ever seen of himself. It's him alright, but he barely recognising himself; he seems like he's glowing, holding Dean in his arms and kissing him. And are his wings really that big? He recognises the background as Dean's back lawn, but he can't remember when this was taken for the life of his. In the end, he decides he doesn't even care.

He looks up to face Dean.

"Thank you", he manages to mutter, but Dean laughs.

"There's more, dumbass", he says and takes the picture out of the wrapping.

Castiel sees something else in there. At first he'd thought it was maybe bubble wrap, but of course, it's not. He takes it out.

It's a blue shirt. He looks at Dean, and he rolls his eyes. He takes it from Cas' hands and turns it over.

It has two big holes in the back.

Cas feels a knot in his throat as he passes his fingers across it.

"I don't know if it's the right shade as the old one", says Dean, "and the idea was really Gabe's, but…"

"It's perfect", says Castiel quietly. His smile widens as he puts his hand on Dean's cheek. "Thank you". He leans forward to steal a kiss from Dean. It's clumsy, as are all kisses exchanged between smiling people, but it makes him happy nonetheless. "For everything".

"Okay, sappy stuff over", Gabriel's voice interrupts. "Time for my present".

Castiel smiles as he takes the small package from Gabriel. He looks at him and frowns teasingly at his excited look. He shakes the package suspiciously next to his ear; it makes no noise.

"Should I be worried?" he asks.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, just open it", says Gabriel.

Castiel obeys, and he's really taken aback by what he finds inside.

It's an old notebook and a five-dollar bill.

He looks at Gabriel questioningly, and he just nods.

Castiel opens the notebook, and a flood of memories comes to him as he sees the first page.

**THE ULTIMATE BET LIST by the Mighty Gabriel and his faithful minion, Cassie**

_Castiel, who's nobody's minion, thanks very much_

**~ Gabe bets that he's gonna be taller than Cas when we grow up**

**~ Gabe also bets that Cas is gonna be hotter than him, but he's still not gonna get as many dates**

_- yeah, right… well, Cas bets that Gabe is gonna be this annoying when he grows up._

**~ I'm ingoring the previous because I can't bet against something I agree with. And Gabe bets that Cas is going to get some awesome powers before his sweet 16**

_- Cas says "ha ha" and bets that his wings are going to wither and fall off by themselves by the time he's 15._

**~ Oh yeah, Grumpy Face? Then Gabe bets that Cas's wings are gonna get bigger and that Cas is gonna learn how to fly before he learns how to have sex**

**~Oh, and also that Cas is still gonna be a virgin by the time he's 17**

_- (ew, Gabe, I'm 11) and I bet that you're not gonna be a virgin by the time you're 15._

**~ (you're not gonna be 11 forever, son) and hell yeah I'm gonna have sex in the next year, I agree with that bet too**

_- I didn't say it as a good thing…_

_- And I'm also betting that you're gonna get a second pair of wings because your powers have seriously started to freak me out._

**~ (Come on, that hasn't happened for like a million years. But how awesome would that be?) Oh and Gabe bets Cas' wings are indeed gonna turn plain white instead of the awesome brown of Gabe's, and that they're gonna get bigger than Gabe's, because Gabe doesn't care who's bigger now that he's got a second pair ;)**

_- (that's two bets, and stop referring to yourself in the third person, you freak!) …and I bet you're gonna have sex first, but get a girlfriend much later._

**~ ooh naughty me :D**

_- that's not a bet._

**~ does your bet count if I get a boyfriend?**

**~ You haven't written anything in a while, kiddo.**

_- I don't think you can get a boyfriend, Gabe._

**~ why not?**

_- Because that's not right!_

**~ is that what my aunt and uncle told you? Oh, Cassie-boy, you'll be surprised. In fact, I'm betting that you'll get a boyfriend before you get a girlfriend, because you just look like it. And I'm betting the same for myself ;) ;) ;)**

_- ew._

"I calculated it", says Gabriel. "I figured those first ones were the ones that actually counted, and it seems I was too cocky with them. I owe you five bucks. You won one more than I did".

Castiel laughs quietly. "Gabe—"

"What? You're officially seventeen now. It was time, don't you think?"

"Seriously?" says Anna, laughing. "You're still into this thing? I thought you had done it just for fun".

"Who says that's counting out the possibility of us taking it seriously?" says Gabriel, grinning.

"You made bets on each other's lives?" laughs Dean.

"Man, and I thought Cas was a bit vanilla", comments Uncle Luke and Jo nods, laughing herself. "Look at what had been happening under my roof for so many years. I'd no idea".

"Well, what can I say", says Castiel, grinning and promising himself no to blush. "We're full of surprises".

"Hell yeah, you are", comments Sam. "And you know what's more surprising? That Dean hasn't attacked the pie yet. Let's go take care of that", and he pushes everyone towards the kitchen.

"I'm gonna miss the whole thing, though", says Gabriel as he helps Castiel take care of the pile of presents in the table and get rid of the wrapping papers.

"You know what", says Castiel and pauses, taking his time to kiss Dean before the latter goes to the kitchen with the others, and folding Dean's newspaper wrapping paper neatly. "I think I'm gonna miss it too".

Gabe grins mischievously. "Wanna make a new one?"

Castiel laughs, half at his cousin, half at the screams from the kitchen.

"Bet you that was Dean burning his mouth in the pie", comments Gabe meaningfully and wiggles his eyebrows.

Castiel gives him a lopsided smile. "That doesn't count", he points out. "We're gonna find out about that one immediately".

"Okay, then I bet the same thing is gonna happen to Dean in the pie you'll have in your wedding".

Castiel laughs again. "Too many assumptions in one bet, Gabe. You can't do that".

"Okay, then", says Gabriel. Castiel watches as his cousin takes the old notebook and opens it. Half of it is empty. He takes a pen out of his pocket and balances the notebook on his leg as he sits on the couch. Castiel leans over him and watches at what he's writing.

**THE SECOND ULTIMATE BET LIST**

**by the Mighty Gabriel and his awesome cousin Castiel, who's proven himself worthy to not being called a minion anymore**

**~Gabe bets that before Cas turns 23, he'll get married to Dean Winchester**

**~And that they will have a pie instead of cake in the reception**

**~And that Dean will burn his mouth while tasting the pie because he won't have the patience for the damn thing to go cold**

**~Are you satisfied now, you asshole?**

Castiel smiles at the teasing look his cousin is giving him and snatches the notebook and the pen from him. He sits back on the couch and starts writing under Gabriel's notes.

_- I bet that Gabe, in six years' time, still will be the same gambling, bet-obsessed maniac he is now._

_- And I hope he never stops._

_- Because he makes my life interesting._

_- And I don't know if I get married to Dean or not, but just in case, I swear I'll never forgive Gabe if he's not my best man then._

_- If for any reason he isn't, NO WEDDING PIE FOR HIM._

Castiel throws the notebook back to Gabriel and watches as his cousin laughs out loud.

"Okay, you bastard, you've got yourself a deal", Gabe says and offers a hand to Castiel to shake. Before they even lean back on the couch, Dean comes out of the kitchen, rubbing his mouth.

"Are you two coming?" he asks, slightly lisping. "The pie's getting smaller".

"What happened to you?" asks Gabriel.

"Burnt in the pie", Dean murmurs, and raises a threatening finger to Cas and Gabe's grins. "Not a word; I will end you". And he goes back to the kitchen.

Gabe looks at Cas. "And the first bet goes to me, my dear sir".

"We never agreed that was a bet", Cas reminds him.

Gabriel just shrugs, still grinning.

"Come on", he says, getting up. "Let's go grab a bite before those vultures eat everything. The bets start from now, and we're checking again in six years' time. Agreed?"

"On my honour as a boy scout", promises Castiel, smiling, putting one hand in the air and the other on his heart. Gabe seems satisfied.

"I can't wait to get your money when the time comes", he says.

"The five dollar bill in my pocket says otherwise", says Castiel. "Oh, and Gabe?"

Gabriel turns around. "Yes?"

Castiel smiles. "That bet list was the best thing you've ever come up with".

And he leaves Gabe behind him, looking forward to cure the burn from Dean's mouth.


End file.
